Hey this is me.... (possible trigger warning)
Hey, this is me.. some call me soul or twisted, either or is fine. I am of no importance and in all likelihood, in a few minutes I won't even be a fleeting thought in your mind. I spend all my time alone. Well I share my life with 2 dogs. My rescuers. I'm not used to asking for help, I'm not used to having anyplace to turn to . I have social anxiety, so this feels twice as hard as it should. I found an bottle of Wild Turkey in a cupboard this weekend ,so, I had a few swallows of liquid courage. Hey, it's 5 o'clock somewhere right? Yeah I know it's not helping my state of mind. Especially since I'm depressed. Lay on the floor, stare at the ceiling for hours depression. Same song on repeat. Rest stop by Matchbox 20. Not sure why I settled on that one. I think it's the lyric's.. Are you listening, can you hear me.. Have you forgotten.
Today make's it 11 days since I last self harmed. It's there though, in the front of my mind. I'm trying to fight it. I can see it in my mind. I do not want to do this. I don't. But it there, you know. It's always there..waiting, lurking, stalking. I catch myself staring at my hands, they aren't my hands. I mean they are but they seem to have a mind of their own. They are not my friends today. They want to reach for the sharpest tool I own and just cut. Tip to tip.
In the fleeting moment that I might cross your mind, Maybe just send a happy thought my way.
(sigh) now I want a hotdog
@NonetheWiser @ThePizza
In honor of Wise's cat like reflexes I felt I should post this. I didn't want to add it on your page Wise. But I saw this and well - you know how it is.
@NoneTheWiser @ThePizza
In Honor of Pizza for being so smart. Knowledge is Pizza!
And of course a few little notes for @ClassicalMe because I know Classic has been feeling down
@ClassicalMe
I hope things get better for you soon
@mytwistedsoul aww, this made me cry. Thank you guys for thinking about me ❤️ you all are the best, seriously
@ClassicalMe Hey! How are you? It's good to see you! We just wanted you to know that we're all thinking about you. We know you're feeling down.
If you haven't looked around - There's been a decree. This is a judgment free zone. So feel free to vent, rant, rave, have serious talks, goof off. Whatever, yeah? It doesn't have to be fun all the time. We know it won't be, because we all have things going on.
There's marshmEllows, rainbow ones, campfire dogs and life savers. And Wise made a place for the ground is lava.
I just want you to know that you're always welcome here too. For whatever, yeah?
Be gentle with yourself - take care, yeah?
@mytwistedsoul @NoneTheWiser
In honor of mytwistedsoul for being so kind. Don't know why I thought of a tree... probably because of the mountain, lol
It's a kindness mountain
@ThePizza
@ThePizza
@ThePizza Oh wow Pizza, That's beautiful! Thank you!
Lol Things went all wonky tech wise. Sorry about that! I Laughed got pounced by a dog - twice. Yeah yeah blame the dog, I know
Wow - I just realized - this is all in my head. Almost all of it Well except for the dolphin and the unicorn, but I could put it there. Holy sh*t - Sorry. Had a thought. Lol nevermind! But I guess it explains the song for here, the pull of it. I just had an epiphany. The weren't kidding. Lol! I'll shut up now.
Found the karate kat
@mytwistedsoul , heya :) I've been okay i guess... a little dissapointed in myself. I was doing a lot better (this is a judgement free zone for real i hope...) but I've started to cut alot more than i was, I started using again, withdrawing from everyone, just stuck i guess *sigh* I'm working on fixing myself...it might take a little time so try to bear with me :/ I was just trying to exist as little as possible if you know what i mean. Sometimes I just get in a dark pit and I don't feel like posting much, but I've been sneaking around and reading everyone's posts, hiding around kindness mountain, sneaking bites of @Thepizza 's pizza, and i was also hiding inside the car with the cow on top of it. Lol:) I think I'm feeling a little bit better now though. This life thing is hard....
It's so great that everyone brought stuff! The rainbow marshmallows, the hotdogs, the lifesavers, all of it! I'm going to add some fruit poptarts because theyre healthy too ;)
@NonetheWiser I love the ground is lava place that you made!!! Awesome job! ...although i think its going to get a little bit hot, so i brought fans for everyone...
Oh! And i almost forgot a special gift for you, @mytwistedsoul , for being such an awesome person to everyone, and letting us hang out with you!
Lol :)
Sorry if i missed anyone! I'm still getting caught up in the convo, and also trying to avoid the lava!!! Eek!
@ClassicalMe Hey - it's definitely a judgment free zone. You can talk about anything you want to. Or you can just hang here by the fire. No questions asked. All you have to do is just be yourself.
You take all the time you need. I'm sorry to hear about the cutting but I do understand. It is hard - life and eveything that goes with it. Boy that pit - it sucks you in and then the bottom just sort of drops out of it. It feels like you'll fall forever. Who would have thought rock bottom had a basment.
Hey you do what ever you need to take care of you. It's all anyone can ask of you. But if you ever need or want to talk all you have to do is tag someone, yeah? Wise is cool too, so, not to throw you under the bus or anything, Wise One.
I forgot all about the poptarts! The fans are a great idea, too. Ugh - lol! Dolphins! I swear that other one is getting a bit cheeky, always giving me the eye.
Take care of yourself, yeah? Be gentle with your thoughts and yourself
Just felt the need to put out a warning.
War has been declared. Having some serious anger issues today. yeah. Anxiety is being a problem too. Just don't feel comfortable bringing it in because of saying the wrong thing or something that can't taken back. Might pop back in a little later if it gets resolved.
@mytwistedsoul
Hope things have improved for you