Hey this is me.... (possible trigger warning)
Hey, this is me.. some call me soul or twisted, either or is fine. I am of no importance and in all likelihood, in a few minutes I won't even be a fleeting thought in your mind. I spend all my time alone. Well I share my life with 2 dogs. My rescuers. I'm not used to asking for help, I'm not used to having anyplace to turn to . I have social anxiety, so this feels twice as hard as it should. I found an bottle of Wild Turkey in a cupboard this weekend ,so, I had a few swallows of liquid courage. Hey, it's 5 o'clock somewhere right? Yeah I know it's not helping my state of mind. Especially since I'm depressed. Lay on the floor, stare at the ceiling for hours depression. Same song on repeat. Rest stop by Matchbox 20. Not sure why I settled on that one. I think it's the lyric's.. Are you listening, can you hear me.. Have you forgotten.
Today make's it 11 days since I last self harmed. It's there though, in the front of my mind. I'm trying to fight it. I can see it in my mind. I do not want to do this. I don't. But it there, you know. It's always there..waiting, lurking, stalking. I catch myself staring at my hands, they aren't my hands. I mean they are but they seem to have a mind of their own. They are not my friends today. They want to reach for the sharpest tool I own and just cut. Tip to tip.
In the fleeting moment that I might cross your mind, Maybe just send a happy thought my way.
@NoneTheWiser @ThePizza
Thanks - sorry - I'm not sure what else to say. There's a first. Mark your calanders
@mytwistedsoul
Today, its quiet time at the campfire, yeah? Take all the time you need
@ThePizza Thanks Pizza How are you today?
@mytwistedsoul *puts a pupper on your lap and whispers* If you need anything we're all here for you. Hope your day is getting better. 🖤 Rant, rave, sit quietly, whatever you need to do!
@ClassicalMe Thanks Classic. For the words and the pup. Means alot.
@mytwistedsoul anytime man, you've been so helpful to me!
@ClassicalMe
So - Um - about this pup I've been lugging around all day. LOL!
@mytwistedsoul Just so you know -
I licked it - so it's mine now!
*settles in with the pup, rubbing ears* I always liked dog ears, furry worry stones
Sorry I just had the Beverly Hillbillies song pop in my head. You know, come listen to a story about a man named Jed. Lol, my names not Jed though.
In all honesty I've been sitting here for an hour, just staring at the screen, trying to find the words. This is as far I got. I know it's a judgment free zone. I declared it one. We often are our own worst judges, ya know?
@mytwistedsoul
Yes, we are our own worst critics, perhaps because we feel we know ourselves the most. But perhaps what they say can also be true, that actions speak louder than words. Maybe if we act with good and rightful intentions, our thoughts dont matter as much.
Yes, this is a safe space, a judgement free zone. But that also goes with, no judgement on how much or how little you share here— take your time. If you cant find the right words, its okay to take a moment until you find the words that fit the most.
Although, dont be too afraid to post your thoughts either. It happens to me too, when I want to write something but Im too afraid or too guilty to share my thoughts. But it IS okay. We all need to get things off our chests.
You take care of YOURSELF, okay? Always, but especially now. Were here for you, whether in silence or with words. Take care
💙💙💙
@ThePizza Always the words of wisdom. Thank you Pizza. You take care too!
@mytwistedsoul
Of course, and thank you 😊
One song I like struck me as relevant
Dont want to hand you all my troubles
Dont want to give you all my demons
Youll have to watch me struggle from several rooms away
But tonight, I need you to stay
So sorry if Im intruding on a quiet moment… take care everyone (again lol)
@ThePizza Twenty One Pilots
You're never an intrusion Pizza. Thank you for help to keep me engaged mentally tonight
You too @NoneTheWiser - Thank you
you know there's times I really think there might be something wrong with me.
Just a quick Good Morning to everyone! I'll probably be in a little later. I have somethings to get done outside today. There's some pretty strong storms coming and I need to take care of somethings.
I hope everyone has a good day!
@ClassicalMe Hey How are you today?
I forgot to tell you - We had picked a kind of theme song for here.
Hollow Coves - The Woods
But we didn't ask you what you thought. So when you get a chance, give it a listen. No pressure, no hurry.
Take care - Be gentle with yourself.
@mytwistedsoul hey hey! Sure, that's a good song, I like it! I'm okay, have a headache but not much going on lol watching stupid shit and trying to think of a music video idea so my marketing manager gets off my back. How are you? Been up to anything exciting? Hope all is well. you take care too!
Do you know how hard it is to say - Irish Wristwatch
@mytwistedsoul oh my goodness this made me laugh way too hard XD thank you so much for this!
Irish wish wash... 
@ClassicalMe Lol! I'm glad!
Sometimes I'm the mess
Sometimes I'm the broom
Sometimes I'm both. - I'm not really sure why but that's stuck in my head.
I'm kind of in a mood not really a bad mood, but not really a good mood. Just a moody mood, you know - the kind of moody mood, that has me feeling - moody.
Anxious but sort of aggressive.
@mytwistedsoul @NoneTheWiser @ClassicalMe
A lot has happened since I last posted here, and I haven
@ThePizza Hey How are you?
You don't ever need to find a good way into the conversation. Just jump in. You're right, we're all here for each other, for what ever. Thank you.
Take care too, be gentle with yourself. Stay cool Pizza.