I don't know anymore

I Don't know where this would belong but I need it out of my head and I need people to hear this!

For a few weeks I haven't been feeling very strong and pretty depressed and the thought of putting a razor to my arm has been a constant thought. The one person who stopped me from doing it was me boyfriend. He made me feel like I wasn't worth that pain anymore, he was the support I really needed. But very recently he told me that he isn't ready to commit to a long lasting relationship and broke up. Out of nowhere. Didn't give be a reason to believe anything was wrong, the morning of the day he broke up I even got cute messages and a like to a really sweet song. But now that I can't turn to him anymore or more like I'm scared to tell him this because I don't want him to feel like he is the reason for all of this because he isn't.

Now my mental state is pretty much gone, I don't come out of bed, don't eat and is don't even care about and for myself anymore. The breakup kind of pushed me over the edge.

I keep trying to start the first cut. I've also looked up how easy it is to overdose with the meds I've got at home. I'm not suicidal, but I don't want this moment in my live, I want to skip this, I don't want to hurt both me and the people around me. I'm so scared. I just don't know anymore.