I'm new to all of this
As a kid I went through some pretty emotionally traumatic stuff that inevitably lead to superhuman repression skills. While it worked in repressing all of the traumatic stuff that has happened to me, it has also made me forget more than half of my life.
Now I have Complex PTSD and depression. And of course, this lead to self harm. I struggeled with all of this for a while, but now I am 8 months clean. Would have been over a year clean, but I relapsed a while back.
Im Im su bad with emotions and feelings and all that jazz thanks to my past and everything, so seeking help has never been a strong suit for me. I usually just try to tough it out or go it alone.
Recently, however, another great wave of depression has washed over me and I keep getting emotional flashbacks and all of those fun little surprises. I found myself slipping up again, but luckily haven't ruined my clean streak. But there have been quite a few close calls recently, so I decided to seek some extra support.
I really want to stay clean, but sometimes its really hard to.
@Unwanted404error
Hello, Error. Good on you for reaching out and wanting to get help, despite how tough it might have been for you to do so. You deserve a massive pat on the back for it. I'm sorry to hear about the trauma you've had to go through, and the depression that has decided to hit you again. Dealing with it all is so tough.
Good on you also for being 8 months clean and still toughing it out! I wonder if you know of any tools or distraction techniques that could help replace the self-harm? There are two categories the tools fall under- distraction and processing. Distractions include music, colouring-in, playing a game etc. Processing tools are things to do to help us process and go through our emotions. Those include journalling, venting to a friend, talking to a professional etc. Which tools have helped or are you willing to try? They can be great.
Another great skill to learn is urge surfing. Emotions go up and down, they reach a peak and then they dissolve, whether it be slowly or quickly. Urges are no different. So if we can notice when the urge comes and hold out until the urge passes, you've urge surfed. You could also try using a timer- "I won't self harm until 5 minutes later, then I will reassess my urges." On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the strongest urge you've ever felt, rate the urge then. And continue with the timer- go for 10 minutes this time and then reassess.
There are many differnet forum posts in this subcommunity that list many different distraction techniques and coping tools- maybe as a distraction, you could try finding some of the posts?
We're always here for you. Take good care of yourself. <3
