Everyone needs to read this
It has now been one year since I signed up for this website. I had (still do) an eating disorder and depression. I came here looking for help and to be able to talk to people. Which is a big step for anyone. I finally realized that I had a problem and needed help. However, about three weeks into using this website I realized something. A lot of things actually. This website is very flawed.
Here's a list, before my main point/story
1) The time it takes for you to become a "Listener" is like 1 hour. The questions are also so simple that anyone could go through it and become one. Meaning there are many listeners that are using their "status" to bully others or make fun of them. A lot of people have told me that they have had this happen to them.
2) Surveillance and the Monitors There is not a monitor in the chat rooms at all times and often they are AFK. There is an option to where if you think someone is in danger, you can tell someone to get them help or someone to talk to them. However there were several times when someone would talk about commiting suicide and many people would go and click/press that button. ANd then suddenly the one time the monitor ever talks, they say something like "Stop unnecessarily spamming the alert button" "You guys are overreacting. THey don't need that kind of immediate help" and it goes on. Really guys?
3) No cursing allowed but suicide? a okay I got onto for cursing (Hell -_- ) yet other people were telling others to go kill themselves and stop begging for attention. The monitor kicked me out because of saying Hell - Which is also a place in Michigan :)
4) You're only able to report members - not listeners or monitors This comes up in my story.
Now for MY main experience
Even though this was almost a year ago, I remember it as if it just happened. I was feeling pretty down and had been able to find a listener that actually helped me. It was really nice, however It was late and they were unavailable. So I got on to the chat room for Depression, I think, maybe Teens? One of those two. I was replying to some people being pretty nice and supportive then suddenly it got ugly. One person started talking about how they were just about to commit suicide and they were going to end it all. There was no monitor in the room yet over 40 other people currently active in it. People started pressing the button, I sure did. But also I started talking to them. I have this thing where helping other people who are depressed actually can help me. I don't want anything to happen to other people. I don't want them hurt. Even strangers. Even if I think I myself am a piece of crap.
So I started talking to them saying "No it's okay. Everything will be alright." "I care for you" Etc... In between my comments were others who were saying "okay, fine, kill yourself." "We don't care" "looser" "Begging for attention." "Go F****** kill yourself b****" etc. I still tried. I tried to get them to talk to me and feel better, even with all those people there. Finally a monitor came in, yet they did nothing, at first. The person started saying to me, "Thanks for caring, but I still can't" At that point, the monitor actually started to start a whole new conversation with one of the people that was commenting mean things to this person. Completely unrelated. I asked them if they really were not going to do anything about it and then they went AFK.
Back to the person contemplating suicide, they said they were about to. With pills. I tried so hard and then they said bye. And thanks. Other people saying I was stupid and they were stupid (I am using much nicer words then them right now ) And then they went quiet.
Five minutes later they come back on and say something like this. "Stupid idiot. You fell for that? Sure, thanks for caring. But It's obvious you don't really. It's the internet, no one cares. You're a stupid B***** c***.
At that I replied "what the Hell?!"
Then the monitor came back and said "Stop cussing or I'll have to kick you out." The monitor then went on to like every single comment made by those people making bad comments and the suicide ones by that person and saying stuff like "People on the internet are such idiots they'll fall for anything." "You really think someone would go to a website to admit they're committing suicide?" (Which, yes. People do that.)
I then tried to report them. Found that I could not report anyone unless they were just a normal member. I tried to contact 7cups and everything. I put a lot of time ito trying to get these people in trouble. Wrote down their usernames and took screenshots of the conversations and everything. I emailed someone but they said This is not the right place to say that. Please go somewhere else.
After a very long time, and not being able to do anything, I got rid of everything and tried to completely forget it. It really messed with me because as a person who was dealing with my own problems, It made me feel stupid and worthless. Like I couldn't ever do anything.
This website had so much potential, but unless it is extremely changed, I will tell everyone - Do NOT go here to get help.
@littleBeth
I find this thread rather unfair. You are entitled to your opinion but I find it very naive and honestly concerning for you to tell people to not get help. ANY help is better than no help. So just because didn't work on you is completly fair and logic to recommend others to not come here? Every human being is completly different. What might not work for you can work for others and vice versa.
Also not the best idea to add this to "introductions!" because might make someone who's in genuine danger to give up from having an open mind and give up from getting any help. However I get it in a way since there's no forum thread about reviews and such.
Now about the points you adressed:
I really struggled with some points you did aswell. Like no one present in the chatrooms (someone with "power") to see things and also relapsing many times in there. Same thing on threads.
However I realised (and ask you to do the same) that this is a FREE website. These people that are in charge aren't being payed. If everyone was being payed, ok fair enough, but the majority are doing a volunteer work with the best of their interests. Is not their job, is now their way of income, meaning they have a life besides this website.
I can see the chatroom being improved if there's like schedules of moderators visiting it, but that needs alot of time, effort, logistics from everyone here.
In terms of becoming a listener on that I agree 100%. As someone who studied psychology for a while I will say is a huge risk of giving the title so easily.
That's all I have to say. I can see we agree and disagree in the topics you mentioned but please don't have that mentality of not recomemnding 7 cups to people.
Every single free website like this (a good example is Blahtherapy) is MUCH worst. Like.... really fricking worst.
7cups overal is a very safe place. And sure didn't work for you but someone else might find genuine help to move forward.
So if you can change the "DO NOT GO HERE TO GET HELP" to "didn't work for me but you can always try it if you want".
@Booklover95
*not introductions, but on the "welcome" part. My bad here.
@littleBeth While I do agree that there are some improvements that could be made to the site, I feel like the conclusion is a bit harsh and doesn't take into account all the good things about the site, or all the people it has helped.
For one, suicide in the chat rooms is not a-okay, it's right in the rules. Who is to say those other people in the room didn't get corrective action? And second, if a mod or listener is acting improperly or abusing their power, you can 100% reach out to report them for that (it may not be as easy as a simple button like for members, but it can still be done). Not sure why you got the response from the email that you did, unless it was a really off email and the person on the other end didn't know where to re-direct you.
I don't know, I feel like the conclusion to this story should be something more like, maybe, "use caution in the group chat rooms"? I wouldn't say it's useless just because one portion is a bit flawed, I mean even group support has helped some people.
I'm sorry to hear that you had such a negative experience, and I'm not going to deny the site has flaws, but I don't think it's very useful or fair to flat out tell people to just not come here for support.
Hey there! I understand your frustration. Here's some solutions to the main points you've addressed:
1) The team is actually working on improving the initial listener training, so it's not so easy for anyone to become a listener if they're not serious about this. It won't be impossible, in fact it'd still be easy, but it'd ensure only people who are serious in becoming kind and compassionate listeners will go through with it. If you spot a Mentor, Teen Star, Mod, or any other person in a leadership role abusing their "power" or higher status, you can file a listener-listener behavior report.
2) It sounds like you were referring to the emergency mod form, in which case you can fill out when there is no mod present. Depending on if the incident occurred in a teen room or an adult room, you can fill out the corresponding form. When you fill it out, a mod will receive a notification to let them know they are needed. If someone is actively suicidal, please use your personal referral buttons, as we're not able to support those who are actively suicidal. If a mod comes and is being disrespectful, you can file a mod review form. Additionally, you can use your personal mute buttons when needed.
3) You're not allowed to talk about actively suicidal plans. If you spot this, please refer them. As far as the cussing, please don't bypass the censors, as the censors were put into place for a reason. If you wish to cuss, you can use the censor.
4) You can report a listener here and a moderator here.
You did the right things in the depression support room! If this happens again, please use your personal referral buttons. A referral button is different from the emergency mod form, as referral buttons prompt the user to seek help from an alternative resource that is able to assist during a crisis. On the other hand, the emergency mod form will notify a mod to come to the scene. If people harass you, you can use your personal mute button. Above all, thank you for sharing your experiences! It's the site's goal to improve, and by sharing your story you allow just that. I hope these links help you in the future. Take care!
I want people to realize that this is from almost a year ago. I am only sharing it just now. The site has changed. Back then there was only three chat rooms. All where supposed to have moderators on them at all times and they did not. There WAS NO way to report anyone back then. I wanted to share this because it could and has happened to many other people.
I understand that the site is different now, but yes. I am bitter. That experience really messed me up. And 7 CUp at the time did nothing to help me. Just wanted to put it out here.
@littleBeth
I'm glad it's changed now!
Also, if no cursing allowed, then why did I get in trouble for HELL (ALSO a place on this earth) when the other people were saying worse. Finish the words that I myself censored in the original post.
@littleBeth
Hell is censored, as well as the other words above in your forum post that you censored. Regardless of the severity of the word, it's important to not bypass the censor.
