When subzero motivation meets the Finals Stretch, I'm here procrastinating
So I've got no energy for the work piling up in the 4 classes I'm taking this semester.
It's not that any of them are particularly difficult- Speech Communications, Film as Art, Algebra 1000 and an online Music Appreciation. I'm in miscellaneous liberal arts transfer credit purgatory for this semester and the next. I was on track for Laboratory Sciences (because Biology and Chemistry are really the only subjects I care about), but my school axed the program last semester when I finally had all of my prereqs in order to apply. So I'm stuck, for a year now, taking a lot of math and humanities type of classes to transfer up to a university which has a program for me.
All through my past couple of years going to this ragtag community college, I've maintained a solid 3.9 GPA- school is stressful, yes, but here it's not like the classes are really challenging. I haven't ever honestly worked that hard, in my opinion, toward academics. The various credit-filler type courses, psych 101 and my CPR/Health and Wellness phys ed credit, intro to ethics, and one truly mind-numbingly boring business class all came and went with minimal effort, and more importantly were interspersed between all of the Bio and Chem lab classes I've had to take for the lab tech program. Those classes are the really demanding ones, but I enjoy it so much that even tearing my hair out to keep up with an accelerated 8 week Biotechnology class was a positive experience in retrospect. More importantly, my motivation to do the work that I enjoy doing in those classes carries onto the rest of my less-desireable assignments. The ratio of science to non-science in my schedule has been more balanced in the past.
Not even to say that I dislike any of the non-science courses that I'm taking; they're interesting enough, sure, and I believe in education for education's sake. I don't mind learning about film and music and the arts, though I don't have a creative bone in my body. But the subjects require work in a format that I'm not very good at- there's a lot of writing involved. Interpretive and analytical writing, about how I "feel" about things. Theme papers which are meant to draw from my own life experiences as much as the movies we're writing about. Writing and delivering speeches on topics that I'm meant to be passionate about. The math is one thing- the problems are tedious and frustrating because my math proficiency is only just enough for chemistry equations and the like, but in the end it's still logical, formulaic, has standard processes for the "right" answers. There aren't any right or wrong answers with these arts and humanities, just a whole lot of writing about opinions and feelings, developing and supporting and defending subjective points of view, and what seems to me like pulling things out of thin air.
It's probably because of my depression and near-total lack of introspective ability/emotional self-awareness, but I don't know what I feel (if anything) about music and film and themes like "the consequences of choice", and bullshitting opinions and interpretations takes more effort than the most difficult math or science I've yet encountered. Writing is a creative process even if it's only analyzing the creations of others, and synthesizing coherent and thoughtful opinion pieces is an utterly exhausting task. As much as I might want to, it's 14 weeks in and I can't bring myself to care about much of anything in these classes anymore. It's also 2 weeks past the withdrawal deadlines, so I don't really have a choice but to keep at it anyway.
Long story short, I'm burned out because the only thing I enjoy in school is science, and for this and the next semester I'm fresh out of any possible bio or chem courses to take (even if there were any more that my school offers that I haven't already taken, credit-wise it would be a complete waste of my time). Instead, I'm overloaded with writing-heavy humanities and liberal arts, which require me to write at length about thoughts and ideas and feelings that I don't have. This is apparently the most difficult thing in the world for me to do.
Forumgoers, do you/have you ever felt the same, like a total lack of interest in the work piling up? Do you have strategies to motivate yourself, particularly when "motivation" and "inspiration" have to be synonymous? I've only ever skated by in school, so I have only an abstract idea of what actual, disciplined motivation even is.
Heythere! I totallyunderstand and can relate to your struggle. In my last year of my undergraduate career (I was premed) I was hit with a particularly nastybreakup, family problems, and an ethical struggle at work that nearly left me jobless. I began to question myself and what I wanted in the future and quickly found myself slipping into a dark depression I am fighting to thisday. I didn't want to get out of bed, Icried all of the time, I withdrew from friends, and, worst of all, I lostsight of who I was. I was in my last semester of classes and had beensuccessful in my preparation forvetschool up until this point and then all of a sudden...I didn'tcare! I barely had the energy to carefor myself properly let alone exceed academically. On the really bad days, the ones I could sleep all day and pretend there wasn't a living, turning world outside of my bedroom, I remindedmyself of how close I was to my life's goal and how what I was suffering from was FLEETING. I wouldn't feel this terrible forever. However, once I did recover I knew my regret from having been so close and missing what I'd worked so hard for all of these years would be monumental. So, I dragged myself out of bed and to class and studied in groups in order to create some type of accountability for myself. I received my bachelors in Zoology in May of this year and completed my vet school application this past October. It was tough, but definitely worth it. As I said before I'm still dealing with depression and I've found counseling is helping a lot with this. I also used this as aresource during the tougher times of my last semester. Good luck! I hope my story helps you in some way :)
I completely understand what you mean about the lack of motivation.. I am only in my first year of studies and I'm already feeling the "motovation monster".. I think it's partly so diffiuclt just because the term is so close to being done.. and classes are ending, but we still have to keep the work going until finals finish.. goodness that's expecting a lot sometimes!
However I do have some motivators during exam week.. for example, every exam week I build a fort - yes a blanket fort - and hunker down and study in there withno distractions! I also form study groups with people who are mostly motivated to study, listen to very relaxing music which helps keep my anxiety down.. take breaks and go for a walk, play some video games, sports, etc.. things that get me away from the books for a little while.
Best of luck with exams!