Depressed and overthinking during exam
Hey, I wanted to share something that's been on my mind. Today, I arrived at the station much earlier than I had told my friend, around 9:20 instead of 11. I called him for a pickup, but he didn't answer, so I reached out to his brother, who came to get me but stayed outside the station.
Throughout the day, I felt incredibly sleepy, even dozing off while my fried was around until 6 P.M. I felt a bit guilty for asking him to leave, especially since he'd been so kind, even treating him to lunch. But I couldn't shake off the sleepiness, and he was there when I wasn't feeling my best, even in my bed when my leg was bothering me.
Despite his kindness, I couldn't help feeling a bit uncomfortable. When he mentioned wanting to borrow my book collection, I found it hard to refuse. Later, when I casually asked him to pick up some some stuffs for me tomorrow, he dodged the request with excuses, which made me realize he might be a bit stingy.
I appreciate his gestures, like inviting me over or offering to let me stay at his place, but it's frustrating when he's not willing to chip in, especially when he can afford it. I ended up covering his lunch, and it seemed like he didn't want to buy me stuffs because he thought he'd have to pay.
I wish I could have communicated better, maybe politely letting him know I needed some rest. But overall, it left me feeling conflicted, appreciative of his care yet unsure about his reluctance to share financially, especially given his means.
I couldn't help but feel so weak, almost stupid, for not handling things better. In hindsight, I wish I had been more assertive about my needs and boundaries, instead of letting the situation unfold in a way that left me feeling uncomfortable and conflicted. It's frustrating to look back and realize that I didn't advocate for myself as well as I could have.
I know that nobody's perfect, and it's okay to make mistakes, but I can't shake off this sense of regret. I wish I could rewind and approach the situation with more clarity and confidence, ensuring that both my needs and his kindness were acknowledged and respected.
It sounds like you had a challenging experience navigating boundaries and communication with your friend. It's completely normal to feel conflicted and frustrated in situations like these, especially when you feel like you could have handled things differently. It's important to remember that advocating for yourself and setting boundaries can be difficult, especially in the moment. It's okay to reflect on the situation and acknowledge areas where you wish you had communicated more assertively. Learning from these experiences can help you grow and handle similar situations better in the future.
I understand this completely, overthinking a situation always causes regret, but you mustn't blame everything on yourself, maybe try backing yourself up like a supportive friend? you were tired that one day, you had no control over that, how about talking it out with you're friend
(I'm aware this forum is old, and everything escalated)
You sound like you've done some good reflection on the whole situation, and what could have been done better. Even if it doesn't feel great now, it's always helpful to look back on our past actions and to evaluate what went wrong, what we could have said better, what boundaries we could have held...so, really good job for doing that!
I know this forum is old, and I do hope you are feeling better now. I'm sorry about your friend. People aren't perfect, and I definitely empathize with how difficult it can be to express what you want to say sometimes because of societal expectations, or wanting to avoid rudeness, etc.