I don't want to fail.. I don't want to...

In less than 2 weeks I have my first term exams, and my mind is a mess at times.

Sometimes,

When reading a page, my mind suddenly freezes and I need to focus to remember what I was doing,

I find myself writing stuff or having a train thought without having a clue about what I was studying or reading,

Feel my math problems are written in different language and I can understand nothing out of it,

I come to my senses, watching my math teachers talking but not understanding a single word she said.

And some other stuff which I can't remember rn probably*

I'm in 9th grade, let's not discuss my education gap, that's another story.

Regardless, this year's grades allows me to choose different school paths, if I make low grades, I won't have much option to chose.

I'm tired of feeling I'm incapable to be a normal student, to not be smart enough to learn what a 14-15 y/o will study at the age of 18...

I'm tired of seeing myself, abnormally.. my counselor told my my iq isn't low, then it's something within my control reach, which I'm not doing good enough.

I just need to score 14 out of 20, then I will be able to choose any path I want, am I really incapable of that?

Will I be able to do math without getting distracted or having stupid little miscalculations?

Will be able to memorize other subjects?

Will I be able to write without typos?...

Will I really try my best? After years?