Alcohol use disorder

I am struggling to believe I can manage my emotions w/o wanting a drink. I feel like I don’t have an addiction where I wake up & wanna drink or drink everyday or I withdrawal but I definitely recognize I have an alcohol use disorder where once I have a couple before I know it I lost count of how many I’ve had. Regardless of how much I intend to limit myself it never goes that way. I end up regretting what I said or not remembering what I said/did & it’s a shameful feeling to carry. My boyfriend of 5 years finally had an honest discussion w/ me expressing concern of my drinking & something clicked in my head to just cut it out all together realizing the damage it’s done to my personal relationships to myself, my partner, family & friends but it’s going on day 3 now & id be lying if I said I didn’t think once Friday comes I’ve worked hard & “earned” a few but I want to keep this promise to myself I just am battling w/ my own head..