Dry Drunk
I stopped drinking for the first time in years this week, after getting up to 6-15 drinks average nightly. Yes, I am aware of the withdrawal risks and I am equipped to manage them. Anyway, perhaps most of this is the withdrawal depression talking, but I already feel exactly the same way I did last time I quit...that I'm just a dry drunk. Sure I can quit, but it just unmasks suffering. I can handle suffering just fine, I'm used to it. But then I know alcohol is right there, and would block this shit out again. Until I have some meaning, someone who gives a damn and offers me refuge from my demons, relapse is always on the horizon. I'm cynical...I'm broken. And I'll pretend I care from time to time like I do this week, but shit will once again hit the fan, and I'll only sink lower and care less. A part of me thinks it's already too late, my opportunities for redemption (that I would actually be able to get over my pride to accept, rather than preferring despair) have passed me by. I know. Gratefulness. Hope. Higher power. “The beatings will continue until morale improves.” I’ve tried, dammit. I’m just one of the “constitutionally incapable” wretches, apparently. Life is suffering...suffering is relative. Choose your hard...maybe my hard is balancing alcoholism with my relatively successful albeit lonely life. If I can find passable happiness and success, while forgetting my problems getting drunk nightly, then what’s the problem?
@unassumingCar885 Welcome to 7Cups Car; we are happy to have you here with us. I hope you are doing well; how have you been coping? Alcohol is a very common coping mechanism for MH and other issues. If you ever need to talk to someone, the listeners are here for you. Feel free to also keep us updated on how you are doing whenever you wish.
If you have any concerns or questions, let us know. Best wishes, and have a great week! :)
Thanks. I am okay. A romantic relationship ended for me yesterday (try to make positive changes and you get rejection, apparently), which is making sobriety very hard, but I’m doing my best to cope. Ten days now, it’s been several years since I’ve gone that long without alcohol. I am someone who is very streak oriented, so now that I am getting further along, success is more likely. But I am feeling very down and lonely, and like there is nothing to look forward to in my life. Never a good feeling. You mentioned MH issues, I am bipolar schizophrenic. Five years now without an episode, though. My medications definitely affect me differently on vs. off alcohol. I find myself missing the person I was during my sober periods while drinking, my medications seem to hit me much harder with complete sobriety. Anyway, I’m rambling. I’m fine...my pride and stoicism will get me through.