I can do this
I can stay sober .. Until the guilt of all I have done hits .. Until I question if my abuse was real.or if I'm just a bad person.. I've been bad ive been stupid ive hurt people .. Theres something wrong with me but I dont know what it is I never had good help .. I can stay sober until I'm afraid she'll leave me too my only friend.. The only person I speak to anymore .. I'm trying hard to quit to atleast maintain .. I walk 2 hours a day I ignore my phone the longing to hear from someone anyone .. My social anxiety has me mute I go days without saying a word.. So I drink because I'm worthless and now im babbling to everyone here.
@unloveableevilugly Welcome to 7Cups un! We are happy to have you here. You are not babbling at all; I hope writing your post helped ease stress and/or emotions. How are you coping? I appreciate your persistence despite everything that has happened to you. If you haven't already, feel free to check out our anxiety support subcomm here for further resources and support.
Let us know if you have any concerns or questions about 7Cups. If you ever need to chat with someone, the listeners are here for you. Feel free to also keep us updated on how you are doing via the forums whenever you wish to. We are here for you! Best wishes, and have a great week ahead! :)
Thank you for the warm welcome .. As for how I'm coping I'm not .. I've fallen back decided it doesnt matter .. But tomorrow is another day and maybe I wont be a failure. Its hard though because I saw my mom yesterday and its so exhausting being with a abuser .. I'm hoping to find help on this site and I'm thinking of looking into therapy here .. Everywhere I call is booked solid where I am . cant even get a psychiatrist.
I just wanted to say abuse is never your fault. That is a lie people have told you. It is a very convincing lie, because we feel like it must be something about us that made people treat us badly, and society is full of victim-blamers who will say as much, but NOTHING you could ever do can MAKE someone behave a certain way. I still have trouble not thinking certain people treat me poorly because of my defectiveness, but on the other hand my best efforts never MADE someone do something nice, either, because you CAN’T. They have free will and make their own choices.
