I just want to stop.
My name is Jaimie and Ive been dealing with alcohol addiction/dependence for (I cant believe this but) 5 years. I have really bad anxiety and I feel like I use alcohol as an excuse to be more socialable. My parents are both alcoholics and Ive always promised myself that I would never be like them, yet here I am. Im so ashamed of the person Ive become. I always feel like people hate me but maybe its just me who hates myself. I really dont know. I just want to stop. I dont even remember what true happiness feels like anymore and thats so sad. Im only 28. I have so much more life to live and Im just wasting it on days and nights I cant even remember. Its pathetic. I need some advice from anyone willing to help..
@Jaimieeeeleeee
@Jaimieeeeleeee
@Jaimieeeeleeee
i am also 28. i've been drink for most of my life.
remember that the anxeity that you have will never ne sured my drink ethanol. at a ceratin point it turns on you. your brain get used to being slowed down - so if you stop - your nervres freak out by simply running at normal speed. alcohol will evetally melt your brain - becasue you can't tell what the difference is between your nervers just reboudning and actual paranoia.
my suggestion is VERY, VERY slowly slowing down. do not just stop. get a breathalizer if you can to make sure your BAS is less and less each night.
always remember that your brain is confused becasue of the alchohol inihibitation of your nerves.
just be careful.
@Alienation thank you so much for responding! Everything you said 100% makes sense but a huge problem that I have is that once I have 1 I need to have another, and another, and.. just more. I know its very dangerous to quit cold turkey when you drink every day but I dont know how to moderate. Or in all honesty if I do stop after just a couple its because Im replacing it with some other harmful substance, or I just get depressed and lash out. Its a never ending cycle and I have no idea how to fit it. All I know is that I want to.
@Jaimieeeeleeee
if you are you a real alcoholic of the hopless type - you don't have much of a chance.
it one of the most cunning thing imagiable.
but always remember - its all you head. us alcholics usually drink due to a deeeeep feeling of anxiety. but the human brain is fragile.,,, for us - the brain slows down and remain depressed due to alc. intake.....but the brain will eventailly rebound of you stop - and send you into overly-hyperactive nonsese. and at this point - you will shake every few hours without a drink. you will see shadows lurking the corners of your room. your skin will feel artificial. you will step into a world a seizures and fear.
all you can do is slow down, slowly.
and always remember You Are Not Alone.
@Jaimieeeeleeee
the only thing that will help us - of our type - is constant affirmation that we are not alone. AA exists purely for this purpose. We are a freakishly unconnected bunch of people - we fall in love, and then throw them away. we work hard, and punch our boss. we love our familes - but we blame them for who we are.
we injest alcohol, and metabolize it differently.
do not EVER feel lezzer than.
the first thing to do is admiting that it is an issue. and you have done that - seems. most alcoholcs will never do that.
@Jaimieeeeleeee
gabapentin from my doctor worked for me. Research supports its use for alcohol abuse now. Sending lots of understanding and support your way ☀️
@Jaimieeeeleeee I can totally empathize and relate to what you're experiencing. I am 26 years old and I've been sober now for over 3 years (got sober right after my 23rd bday). It's a unique experinece realizing you have an alcohol problem, particularly at such a young age when heavy drinking is so common amongst peers. I understand how and why you fee ashamed, but you have notihng to be ashamed of. The fact that you are recognizing the truth of your situation, really says something about where you're at. As cheesy at it sounds, admitting you have a problem is the first step towards a solution.
I got in a car wreck while drunk and had to go to court mandated rehab, and rehab required me to go to AA 3x a week. Let me just say, the AA is what got me and kept me sober. It's totally free - go give a try. Everyone in that room can relate to how you feel, and everyone will want to help you. You'll be safe there and free of judgement.
I really wish you all the best on your sobriety journey. I'm not sure if it's possible to reach out direct on this website but if it is, please feel free to do so I'd be happy to talk with you <3
@friendlyPond I thought there was a way to reach out directly. If there is I would love to talk to you more. Im incredibly lucky that I havent hurt anyone or gotten in trouble for my drinking. So I am so sorry that you are going through that. Ive been looking into AA a lot. Im so freaking scared though. How do I just walk in those doors? Alone? Succumbing to the reality of my situation. I know this seems silly, or maybe since Im talking to a bunch of addicts it wont seem that stupid but, while Im under the influence I feel much more willing to get help. When I wake up tomorrow morning Im going to tell myself (yet again) that I can do this on my own. That its not as big a problem as I make it seem. I just dont ever want to talk about it when I have a clear mind. How do I stop feeling that way. I blew off my recovery counselor AGAIN because I was too scared to talk. I dont know how to want help all the time and not just when Im giving into my temptations.
@Jaimieeeeleeee
i also felt the same way when I went to my first meeting. I was so terrified and sick. I really dont remember much about it. But I do remember finding a sliver of hope which was enough to get me to go to my second meeting. The good thing is you only have to go to your first meeting once and almost everyone there will be able to relate to the fear and discomfort of attending their first meeting. I also would have moments of clarity about the reality of my disease that were usually short lived and often overshadowed by even greater denial. Im glad you havent suffered some of the consequences yet that are often accompanied by alcoholism but something I learned in A.A. is that the yets I havent experienced will eventually happen if I continue to use. I also learned that my bottom was whenever I decided to stop digging. Im so glad that you are reaching out for help. You seem to have som really great insight about whats holding you back. Keep talking about it. There are online A.A. meetings if that might be more comfortable for you to give a try before you commit to an in person meeting.
@Jaimieeeeleeee
Just a thought. Have you considered, when you're under the effect of substances and feeling at your lowest, to write a letter to your sober self and be completely sincere, reminding him all the feelings you're in, how hard it is to break the cycle and how serious the situation is, how badly your drunk self needs help, because he will come back and you both don't deserve being through all that. But actually anything that comes to your mind to read when you're not in that mental state anymore, and remind you why when you're giving in to temptation you feel you need help. Some more hints of the root issues that brought you to shelter in addiction might also come out
