I really messed up.
I just want to tell someone, I don't have a lot of friends right now. Just my wife's friends checking in to make sure I'm still here.
I quit to late and I hurt her. We hurt each other but I don't remember. I was blacked out. I wouldn't do that but I did. I hurt her and I guess she's hurting still. It's been 4 days, I haven't seen her since. I in one night lost my best friend and partner and I don't ever remember. I can only hope she can forgive me and we'll be okay someday. I know it will take time but man am I scared and lonley. Regardless I'm going to keep my promises (no more drinking, no bars, therapy etc.) .
We are also in the middle of moving to a new apartment. I don't know how to pack or unpack her things. I'm so scared shes gone. I'm trying to do everything I can to prove I'm not a monster, while giving her space. I just wonder if she still loves me you know? I have to assume to some extent, we've been together for 7 years. But can we move past this someday?
@jackOrdinary
It's incredibly brave of you to aknowledge what you have done is wrong. It's also only right for you to aknowledge the consequences. No one can assume to know exactly how one feels. I've let go of amazing people because I once lost my mind and said things I can't take back. Ones who love me the most came back and the ones that didn't never got to see me in a better place. It's complicated but it's not always a bad thing. In your own way, don't guilt yourself but continue to aknowledge consequences. Illness or no illness, people who love us doesn't deserve to be hurt. Thank you for reaching out for support. You're not a monster, you just messed up and that is that.