I want to get better...

Hi, I'm new and I figured this would be a good way to start my time here... I'm sure this will look like like a novel but here goes 😅 So I've been struggling with a lot of stress and depression and anxiety issues, and I was basically isolated from the world (think like a covid red lockdown but worse) and as a result turned to drinking. I lived for weeks like this, just waking up and drinking until I got tired, go to sleep and repeat... I had made a bit of progress with getting my life back, like moving to a new better space (roommates would get into physical fights, and my room was in the middle so it often let to right outside my door), and for a few months I was drinking a lot less- especially with my new boyfriend (we have been living together since July 2019-today), but I was still dealing with my depression, anxiety, and loss (not a topic I'd like to visit yet). But then of course as I started a collage course, covid hit and I withdrew from the course since it got put on hold to switch to online. After that I slowly started to unravel and now I feel like I'm almost back to where I was and I feel like I'm losing a little bit of hope every other day... I just want to be able to be okay and be happy without drinking and having conversations with my boyfriend that I can't remember later when he brings it up. I hate seeing the disappointment in his eyes every time I say I can't remember... He makes me want to be a better person and take care of myself but I don't even know where to start... Lately I've had some more serious issues stressing me out but I want to sort it out now not hide. I don't want to run from my problems anymore... I just feel so completely lost...