I Am Done Living This Way
Hi everyone,
I relocated to the other side of the country in 2019 to move in with my partner.
After a few weeks of living there, he offered me some meth that his plug gave him. Since then both of us have been battling with meth use. We always have done it together and it became something that gave me confidence and courage to engage in certain sexual acts as I am a survivor of CSA and being raped by my ex partner.
With a lot of effort I have reached a point where I have been able to break out of using meth along side sexual activity by working on the trauma from what I was subjected to.
2019 to 2024 were a total nightmare. Both of my parents died, my step father killed himself and then my aunt died. I have no close family left and am trying my hardest to build a relationship with my cousin's. The pain of all of this has been the reason why I stayed in a habit of use to escape the feeling of sadness, loneliness and pain.
Since 2019 I have had only one period of sobriety which lasted 9 months before yet another relapse.
Today is day one of rebuilding my life and relationship without the influence of substances. I can't do it anymore. I want my soul back. I want myself and my partner to be sober and healthy.
I felt I needed to share my situation, albeit condensed.
Has anyone here been in a similar situation and managed to get through it all?
How do we get through it all?
Wishing everyone here the best and hope to have conversations that help us stay focused on our goal to be clean.
@fighting777
Dear Beloved,
I can feel your pain.
The sweetest hello to you too.
"I am a survivor of CSA and rape by my ex-partner"— it is deeply painful to hear.
I am proud of you for being able to break free from meth use and compulsive sexual activity.
It is deeply painful to hear that you lost close family members. I wish that you find success in building your relationship with your cousins.
I am proud of your determination to work on improving your situation despite the painful experiences you have gone through. I also want you to work towards giving up substance use for your well-being.
I wish you success in achieving whatever you desire. You will find your way back to yourself. Yes, I hope that you and your partner will continue moving towards sobriety and better health.
I can understand your pain and feelings. Sharing helps to lighten the emotional burden. You have taken a wise step.
I have not been in a similar situation, but I am inspired by how courageously you have been managing to get through it all.
How do we get through it all?
You are already on the right path. You are working on your substance use reduction. You are making efforts to build relationships. You are making efforts to improve the quality of life. This is what it takes.
You have gone through painful experiences in your life; still, you have not stopped moving forward. You are doing everything you can. Take care of yourself. Do more of what makes you feel better. Do not focus on what you do not have or what you cannot do. Focus on what you have and what you can do now. If you feel you have less, remind yourself that others may have far less than you do. I want you to continue working towards your healing.
Thank you for your best wishes. Once again, I am proud of you, and you are an inspiration. You are a fighter.