My first post
hey everyone, this is really difficult for me, I haven’t talked to anybody about what I’m experiencing before but I felt like I needed to express how I’m feeling, For a while now I’ve been spending most of my time and money on cocaine, loving the lifestyle, spending my weekends on having benders and meeting “like minded people” not knowing these people would become toxic to me. I’ve been living this life for about 3 years now and recently I’ve seen a decline in my own happiness, not manufactured happiness from the drug, but something more internal, and I’m worried I’m losing myself to addiction. I’ve never considered myself addicted to cocaine but I’m starting to believe that’s the case and I’ve been hating myself ever since I came to that realization, and I’m not sure what I’m asking for, whether it be help or advice, anything is welcome.
@SnappyMe
Welcome 🤗
It's good to have you here.
It never feels like an addiction because it's at the weekends.
And you are functioning as usual.
And having fun.
Because this is how it makes you feel.
Everyone is your friend once you are doing the same thing.
But it's not a real friendship.
It's based on you solely bring the life and soul of the party.
It's based on taking the drugs.
And slowly you don't recognize who you are.
You cannot cope without it.
And it's masking everything.
The change however was subtle.
There's a large culture now, where it's seen as acceptable and a normal part of life, to recreationally take drugs.
But regardless of what people convince themselves of.
It always alters our personalities.
It always keeps us reliant.
I admire your honesty and opening up.
There's absolutely no judgement here.
I sincerely hope you find a way to be your own authentic self without the aid of substances and toxic people 💚
@SnappyMe
knowing you have a problem Is the first step.
The temporary high but surrounded by toxic is a bad path to keep traveling. knowing you have an addiction and deciding to do something about it is your choice.
This post is the first step in the right direction. You’re not alone. I’m on day two of recovery (alcohol)and I also feel like I don’t have an addiction but it’s enough to affect my life in a negative way, but I don’t stop. I decided I just need a change. I found SMART meetings. It’s geared towards building habits to fight cravings/addictions. So far it’s been helpful. Maybe it will be for you too.
@SnappyMe I’m really glad you shared this. What you’re describing is something a lot of people go through, even if they don’t talk about it.
That shift you noticed matters. When the lifestyle still looks fun on the outside but you feel emptier on the inside, that’s usually your intuition waking up, not you failing. Cocaine can create a version of happiness that feels social and exciting, but it slowly crowds out the real stuff underneath. Realizing that doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken. It means you’re paying attention.
You don’t have to label yourself or have all the answers right now. Just noticing that you’re losing pieces of yourself is an important first step. You’re not alone in this, and nothing about this post sounds hopeless. It sounds like someone who still cares about who they are.