My unforgotten friend

To start off with - i never had addiction

But maybe for about 6 years I was a casual drinker, once a month type thing.

Then I changed course. 10 years -

But the mind hasnt entirely forgotten what it used as a tool to cope or escape heaviness of the heart

I reoriented myself mainly through prayer and while its true for me that prayer is lasting relief and alcohol is temporary, a part of me wants to break down to it again, it feels like my inner need to cry against what feels unbearable....

I dont see myself as relapsing but I dont see myself forgetting my old friend either. Thats just our equation now. Somewhere together. Assuaging through memories. Telling me Ive already conquered my inability to bear my sadness ... im on a golden page... im just having trouble trusting it with an extra might....