Recovery
Hey everyone, I’m not really sure how this platform works or anything, but I thought I could come on here and talk about how I’m feeling with my addiction. I became sober June 6th 2023, and since then I have felt really good about the fact I’ve been, but recently it’s progressively gotten worse. I just got out of a severely abusive relationship we had both gotten sober together but him becoming sober made him a man I never knew, my mental health has decreased so bad in the last 2 years, with not only abuse but the excessive weight gain I’ve had since. I can’t make my brain stop contemplating what if I had just stayed in addiction? Would my life be better or worse? Will I ever find out if it is? The thought scares me deeply, my DOC was heroin and crack, which if were being honest was bad but I never felt like I do sober, isn’t that the reason most start using? To stop this gut wrenching feeling , that’s why I did at least. I keep having vivid dreams of using almost daily for the last 3 weeks, but in the dreams, I can’t actually complete the task of using drugs, I get so close and then something happens to steer me in another direction. Im not too sure what to do, or how to feel, I try to talk to friends and family, but they’ve never experienced any of these things, so to them I just gotta get over it and move on. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I don’t know what I’m looking for on this page, maybe friends who can relate to my problems? Or know ways they’ve helped themselves get out? I hope to see some responses back❤️
@Cait11617
First off, I just want to say I see you. I see how hard you're fighting, even when it feels impossible. The fact that you’ve made it this far, despite everything you’ve been through, is incredible. I know you probably don’t feel strong right now, but trust me, you are.
Recovery is brutal. It’s not just about quitting a substance it’s about facing all the pain, all the emotions, all the things we tried to escape from in the first place. And you’re right, that’s exactly why so many of us started using to numb, to forget, to just breathe without feeling like we’re drowning. And now, without that crutch, everything can feel overwhelming, like you’re carrying the weight of the world alone.
But you’re not alone. There are people who understand, who have been where you are and made it through. I know your friends and family might not fully get it, and that makes it feel even lonelier, but I promise you there are people out there who do.
Those dreams you’re having, the thoughts creeping in, the "what if" questions your brain is trying to pull you back to what it once saw as relief. But here’s the thing: that relief was a lie. It might’ve made the pain quieter for a while, but it never made it go away. And I know that being sober hasn’t magically fixed everything either, but at least now, you have the chance to truly heal.
I know it’s so damn hard. And I know you might feel like you’re hanging on by a thread. But please, don’t let go. You’ve survived things that should’ve broken you. You got out of an abusive relationship. You walked away from addiction. You are so much stronger than you think.
Please reach out to a support group, a therapist, anyone who truly understands. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to heal. You deserve a life that doesn’t just feel like surviving but one that actually feels worth living.
I’m proud of you for speaking up. You’re not alone in this. Keep fighting. You’ve come too far to go back now. ❤️
