advice on how to help
Hello, I have been with my significant other for a year now. Before we began dating, he had opened up to me and mentioned having a substance issue. Regardless, we continued dating. We recently moved in together and I found out he had relapsed. I was very upset to see him like that and felt dirty having drugs in our home. I see and feel our house dirty and as much as I try to clean it, that feeling doesnt go away. What can I do to help him back into recovery? How can I start? I am deeply lost and have no clue what to do. Thank you.
@ipadgirl13
I'm sorry he relapsed.
I understand it's quite confronting to have drugs in your house especially when youve not experienced it before.
It's important to be honest.
To let your boyfriend know you care and want him to be safe and clean, but you don't want drugs around you or in your home.
It's vital he takes the steps to get clean again.
One day at a time.
Wishing you both the best of luck 💜
Love him like you'd love a newborn... he needs a new life.... a new beginning
@ipadgirl13
He has to want to get clean we cannot help that. We can just set boundaries that are clear.
He can choose his addiction but lose you as you feel the drugs taint everything. or he can choose you and your relationship. Been there and being "supportive" and giving chance after chance and that does NOT work only super tough love of there is a choice and not unlimited second chances cause taht is how life really is.
Thank you all for the advice, I will keep this all in mind and continue to welcome new advice.
Im sorry he relapsed. I can understand it must be difficult for you to see him like this and even your house dirty.
I'm also glad to hear that you are not giving up already, that's a good start. Your partner needs to understand that therapy/counselling can help him a lot so I'd suggest you tell him about seeking professional help. If you have sought help in the past, use that experience while suggesting help to him. Sentences like, 'It works for a lot of people, why don't you give it a try', or 'Im with you in this', or 'I want to see you happy' might work. I'd suggest you deal with this sensitively and with empathy as much as you can, it's imperative given you live with him. It's easier said than done, but this is your chance to put your resilience to test too. Be patient and compassionate.
Please also always remember, at the end of the day, it is your partner who needs to take the step. He will do this only when he wants to and is 100 percent convinced to leave addiction. So please don't feel obligated towards 'fixing' him because you are neither certified or experienced in this case. Understanding your limitations is very important here.
I hope you sail through this with ease. Wishing you both the best of luck. You hang in there, you'll be fine.
@ipadgirl13 He has to want to be sober to get sober. Nobody else can make that happen for him. Its all on him. The best thing you can do for him is to not enable him. If you don't like the drugs in your home then tell him he cannot do them in your home and if he disrespects that rule, i would suggest to him that he need to find somewhere else to stay for the time being until he sobers up. It sucks and its going to be hard but for your own wellbeing and for them to realize what is at stake sometimes you have to set boundaries like this that they will not like and are not easy to uphold. Only you know best for yourself and your home at the end of the day. I wish you the best on figuring this out! Addiction sucks. I know because I am in recovery from drug addiction myself.
