idk what to do.
i’ve been sober for almost a year, i overdosed and flatlined last april in front of my best friend and he’s the only reason im still here today. it was a huge wake up call for me. i don’t want to go back down that path, i don’t think id be given another chance once i meet deaths doors. but im falling into the worst depression of my life at the moment, im genuinely losing touch with reality and i just wanna relapse so so badly, i don’t know what to do, i don’t know what will bring me out of this headspace. i feel trapped in my head and want an escape more than anything. i’m so genuinely exhausted, the more i think about the repercussions of relapsing, the more im starting to except that as the path to go down, i feel like there’s nothing for me here, i feel like i’m going to do something sane me would regret. im so exhausted i feel like i can’t do this anymore. i want an out.
@notskylarnope
Thank you for sharing. You are not alone. You are clearly struggling hugely and you don't need to struggle on your own. Your depression and feelings are real and somewhat above the pay grade of volunteers on an Internet app. Please seek help. A helpline, a doctor, a hospital. There's help for you out there.
You have made a huge achievement getting clean and staying clean for a year. And you are right to fear a relapse. Relapses are more dangerous than the original addiction. And we want you here. I wonder if the depression could actually be a sign of progress? Addiction normally has some kind of underlying driver, and maybe you are beginning to discover what it might have been. And knowing what it is might give you a route to resolving it? And I think you are going to need some help with that. So once again, thank you for sharing and making a start on reaching out for help. Sending you strength to take the next step.