Codependent, enabling, and addicted
I am completely new to this but figured why not? Maybe someone won't find the irony in my secret and just maybe there's another out there like me. So I will keep this short and to the point. I'm 32 and a meth addict, I am married to someone who is addicted to meth and heroin. I have tried heroin not my cup of tea, it's the devil. I never even knew what meth or heroin looked like until maybe 2 years ago. My spouse decided to take his addiction to the next level and mix the two in a pointy demon. I can not get behind this hell I barely am standing for meth alone. My addiction came from a well if you can't beat em join em sort of mindset because I had fought so hard and long against it as well. Now him adding to what's already a horrible addiction both our lives are slowly going up in flames in the 7th ring of hell. Our house is on the line, bills, jobs, etc... We have a child and I've begged, pleaded, bargained, everything to stop but he sees no problem with the pointy demon or mixing of the two. He has become a shell of who I once knew and I made him move so that we could both get better but even with him gone neither of us is better or can stay away from the other. The fights are violent sometimes but we always end back up together simply because I'm his enabler and he's mine, hell he's my dealer too. I don't know anywhere else to get it. I'm addicted to what I believe is keeping him safe but I know better. How do I begin to make a change?
@Sickofbullshit Hello there, and welcome to the community. I appreciate you opening up to us as I know it is never easy; it takes immense courage. I cannot begin to imagine what you are dealing with, and for still being here despite all the issues, you are a strong person. It is great that you realize how dire things are and how much you and your spouse enable each other. It seems like your husband is in denial though. Change is hard to happen especially when you are stuck in a harsh cycle. It doe help to consider what you want out of life and how such change can help you and your family. How have you been coping lately? What type of changes do you want in your life?
Feel free to reach out to the listeners here if you need someone to chat to or even vent to. I believe that just by joining 7Cups, you are already on your way to making a change in your lives. We are here for you!
Hang in there, share till you can't share anymore. The emptier your cup is, the easier it is to fill it with something new and healthier, metaphorically speaking that is.