Significant Other
I scrolled back to several prior months back and didn't see a post like this. But first, I'm not even sure I'm in the right place. If not, anyone kind enough to direct me to the right place will be appreciated greatly.
Anyway, is there a possibility of getting help when you're significant other is addicted to a drug? I think our relationship suffers for it, he bounces between being wonderful and being the biggest *** -wipe who ever existed, and I'm not sure if things would get any better if he stopped using.
So, to rephrase more concisely, I basically need support with dealing with a significant other who's addicted. Can I get that here? Or anywhere?
Thanks advance! 🌹
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@blueAngel00
My spouse was / is an alcoholic it was miserable not knowing who he would be at the moment ...... be careful what you wish for while we all want our loved ones to be clean and sober.... i guess i should have asked myself if i like the sober version..... i used to think i did but now more and more i am seeing our best times were when he was half drunk.... now i question so many things. i know the health issues he has as he has gotten older are bad because he did not take care of himself so resuming his drinking is not an option but when drinking but each day i miss the HIM that was fun....
@toughTiger6481 I am so very sorry to hear you're in that kind of situation. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place! 😞 What's worse, is you've seen evidence that it's in him where he could be a person who makes you happy. My dad was an alcoholic, and most likely a narcissist. So I understand completely what you mean by not knowing who your husband would be at any given point in time. And it sounds as if your husband may have quit drinking, but didn't get sober, making him a "dry drunk": no alcohol, but he still exhibits the same behaviors as he did when alcohol was present.
I have no idea how much time you've invested in your relationship/marriage/spouse, and it sounds like a split hasn't even been an option you've ever thought about considering!
But please DO consider this (and it may not apply to you at all): most "memories"after a break up (or when the "comfort level" has been altered) of both the other person ,as well as events/instances, are viewed with rose colored glasses. For lots of different reasons. I'd hate to know you long for something/someone that wasn't even a reality. That being said, when you do long for your spouse when he was fun, remember, too, that "half drunk" almost always ends in "completely drunk."
I want to stress here that I'm truly not trying to give you advice, just some things to think about. I'm no therapist, but I do have a brain with ideas and conclusions.
In my case, I have examples of my guy sometimes being the most wonderful man in the world with me: thoughtful, complementary, loving, generous, helpful, affectionate, unselfish, you name it. And the examples are very, very real. But if I want to be completely honest with myself, this side of him only comes out when he wants something from me, something that isn't on the "expectation list"... Yet. There's a term for when people do this, but for a different reason, and that term is that he's "throwing me a bone"
Pretty pathetic that I'm aware of this, and yet still stay with him, isn't it? But I do have extremely good reasons for staying with him, particularly because he IS the world's biggest jerk. I should clarify that I mean he's the world's biggest jerk to ME. Because he's a great guy to the rest of the world.
So that makes me an even bigger loser, in my mind. 😳
I certainly wish you all the best, you'll be in my thoughts daily, and I'll be sending positive energy your way as often as possible. Big, huge hugs! 🌹❤️
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@blueAngel00
Thank you so much for all the kind words .... i posted to let you know you are not alone there are others out there and yes spouse has been super caring right before or after he is going to get a drink.... been sober for about 5-6 years but found he recently drank some wine.
I do not believe he is a dry drunk but instead he just is a bitter and nasty person cause how his life has turned out which in the end is his own fault from the drinking,,,, expensive habit especially if you get caught driving and such which he had....
you are not a loser we cannot help we we love and sometime we cave a bit on what we thought we would put up with ....
