and yet I am here again and only so much more worse

Learn from your mistakes; get something out of the experience; what did it teach you......easier said than done and yessss, even after the lesson is found it is actually incredibly hard to, infact, have learnt it. I guess, like most things; it takes time, practice, repition and quite often, actually doing the very exact same thing that gave you 'the lesson' in the first place.

Forgiveness, chances, effort....three essential tools for effective opportunity as well as necessary protection. The same flame can burn you twice should you risk such, but having said this, it is not the same at all!! The foundation remains but what was obiviously still needed reveals; helping enforce and thicken so to speak. Nothing goes by you until it has served its purpose or had its impact, which can never be truely predicted, understood nor changed; regardless of how hard try to take control or ignore