drug induced anorexia?
Hello everyone- i started to get worried about myself and wanted to see if anyone had similar experiences or has any advice.
Ive been using many different kids of drugs over the course of the last three years, when I first started. Never got close to getting addicted to anything, luckily.
But in the course of the last 6 months Ive been using more than ever, summer was quite wild and after that, theres been some really good parties i couldnt miss.
Ive recently started microdosing myself with amphetamine to keep myself awake and study (its almost impossible to find adderal where I live), since I have my exams. But its usually only one or two small lines for the whole night, just to keep myself awake and focused.
Well, to get to the point, I lost a lot of weight, and rarely ever feel hungry. I eat one meal a day, because in my house we always eat lunch together and I cant escape it. But I would always skip the rest of the meals because just thinking about food would make me sick. I dont feel hunger and I basically forget to ever eat unless remined and forced to do so.
Ive lost a lot of weight and feel sick everytime I step on a a scale and see such a small number... but I cant get myself to do anything. If I force myself to eat, Im most likely to throw it up cause my stomach doesnt want to take it. I cant seek for help because I dont want my family to find out about my drug-use habits.
Anyone that can help?
@Clementine3am
You're in a very tough situation and I can hear that things feel scary and out of your control right now.
I haven't struggled with drug addiction, but I do have an eating disorder and they share a lot of similarities.
I can't tell you what to do, because you know yourself best, but what I can say is that addictions and eating disorders (even drug induced) thrive in isolation and secrecy. I hid my issues for so long and tried to handle things on my own, but it wasn't possible and all it did was make me sicker and sicker.
You deserve help and treatment even if it means doing the very, very difficult thing of admitting what's going on and involving people other than yourself. Do you have a generally decent relationship with your family? Do you think it's possible they already know something is going on / have noticed the changes your body is going through but don't know how to approach the topic with you? Are you financially dependent on them / would need their help in order to see a professional counselor? Would you be open to support groups or meetings in your area?
I know this must be so hard, and I know it's a lot to be asked to make these issues known to anyone. I understand if you are unwilling or if you just aren't there yet. Just know that I support you, know how hard it can be, and also know that you have a lot of options and that I fully believe you can beat this and regain your health.
Wishing you the best, and sorry your post went unanswered so long.