How to trust again
How do I regain trust after someone so special hurt and broke my heart. He has been trying but it’s so hard to get away from the past. I have so much anxiety and some days my mind can drive me crazy. Always thinking about it, wondering if it’s happening again. Losing trust is so easy but so hard to gain back. There are days I can just cry 😔
@reliableSky4236 I am sorry you are in such distress from the actions of others. Trust is difficult to regain.
I think one of the factors is trust is often based on another person fulfilling our expectations, which can often be unrealistic. So the first thing I do is write down a list of all the things I expect that other person to do and ask myself if that is realistic.
I try to reinvent my expectations based on a more realistic view of things and try to drop as many expectations as possible.
But if someone has abused me or used me in an inappropriate way then I may seriously consider if they are really the person that can fulfill the expectations I have. Trust based on unreal assumptions is just blind faith. I need to cull all the expectations that no one can ever fulfill and create more realistic ones.
Hope you get the support you are looking for. soulsings
I definitely understand that I'm struggling with the same issue but I believe it's come down. To putting it all out there again or moving on I think our situation is a bit different I would love to talk
@reliableSky4236 This may not sound fair, because it’s not-
But did you know that you can be a guy’s dream girl...
I mean, you can literally check off every box on his “perfect woman” list...
But if you mess up this one thing, he’ll drop you the second another option comes along?
My friend James Bauer discovered this missing “secret ingredient” all men are constantly searching for in a woman.
And most women have no clue it exists because guys aren’t even aware of it.
We just KNOW when it’s missing.
@reliableSky4236 try to rekindle the same hobbies or interests u had. is my suggestion .
@reliableSky4236
To trust or not to trust…Once someone has broken your trust or betrayed you in some way, you will ask yourself over and over whether or not you can trust again.
There’s no getting around it. At some point in your life you will be disappointed, discover a flat out lie, or be let down in some way. And you’ll ask yourself whether you should keep trusting anyone.
Why? Because we’re humans, not robots. We make mistakes. We hurt each other. Yes, this includes you and me. In most case without meaning to. We let our egos take over and that’s why we can sometimes unthinkingly be selfish. We hurt someone. We learn from it. We ask for forgiveness. We apologise. We change. We become wiser (luckily).
Welcome to the human race! The degree to which trust is broken determines how long the healing process will be. Yes, you HAVE to start healing. The worst mistake you can make is to say “I forgive you and we don’t need to talk about it anymore!” Because you will talk more about it! You can’t dismiss the fact that you’re hurt and feel betrayed. You’ll need to talk about it because you’ll constantly be wondering: “Can I trust you again?”
The answer to “Can I trust you again?” And this is a question that holds the answer. Because if you felt you could trust your partner again, then you wouldn’t be asking yourself the question in the first place. If the answer is always “No, I cannot trust you again, not ever again”, then we think we might as well leave! We would much more likely want to answer (and save the love, gain hope and courage): “Yes, I can trust you again!”. But we can’t. At least not right away. Not while our hurt feelings are still raw. We need time to work through it.
When we’re in the middle of it – desperate, frustrated, tearful – we can’t deal with all our questions and feelings. We forget that R-I-G-H-T now, we are in no frame of mind to really objectively decide if we can trust again. We drive ourselves mad as we keep asking ourselves over and over whether we can trust again.
The only way to really know is to stop thinking about it incessantly. The only way the answer can come to you is by staying in the relationship. (Or if the person couldn’t care less about you, your feelings or your well-being – then you should leave. Now!) But if it’s the first time and you’re not sure whether to stay or go, then I’d recommend you stay and give it some time! Because either you build trust in a relationship or not. So if you have any doubt, then give it some time. See what direction it takes, evaluate, talk with your partner, and pay attention to what you feel deep inside.
You cannot think yourself to a yes or a no, it’s something you feel, and you can gain experience over time showing you whether or not you can trust your loved one. Again. But it requires ONE thing from you! The ONE thing YOU need to do, to get the trust back into the relationship! That you stay in the relationship. Because if you leave the relationship then you’ll never know whether you could learn to trust your partner again.
So the more suitable answer might be: “No, I don’t trust my partner right now, which is completely understandable given the current shitty situation. But I’ve decided to give it a chance and see if I can learn to trust again in time. If I 6 months, I still have not been able to bring myself to trust my partner, then I’ll think about what I need to do.” Of coures y.our partner ALSO needs to work on things
