Mini wife syndrome
My boyfriend has no issue with being naked around his 14 almost 15 year old daughter. They walk in on each other showering and it’s no issue. They go in and out of each other’s rooms regardless of whether they are clothed or not. I find this very very disturbing and have expressed it to him and he insists this is normal.
@msichana I definitely see how you would feel that way. I certainly was brought up to believe men shouldn't be nude in front of women and vice versa. My wife on the other hand is from an Asian culture where public and family bathing is very common. You see everyone nude all the time. I used to bathe with my brothers-in-law and mother-in-law all the time. Still, when we moved back to the States we decided to forego that part of the culture, else we be judged by friends and neighbors as being weird. My wife still showers and bathes with my daughters (8 and 6). However, I stopped doing it a couple of years ago when they reached the age that they could start telling their friends. For what it's worth, when I was overseas, bathing with family and friends never felt sexual. I hope you find a solution.
He is European and says this is normal. While it may be what I find weird is when they almost intentionally go into the showers when the other is in there etc. why go out of your way to be in the same room naked?
@msichana Fair point. I don't know any culture that goes out their way to be naked around each other for no reason. I think the question to ask would be, "do you think her friends would think this was normal if she were to tell them that my dad always walks in on me when I'm showering?" Or maybe, "would you feel okay if I consistently went out my way to walk into the bathroom if your brother (assuming he has a brother) was showering?"
i Am African. We don’t do this type of think. This is not normal. If they were comfortable being baked around each other why cover up then or why run. Why not just walk across from the bathroom naked to your room. Also if you dad is in the shower what’s so urgent that you have to go in there when he is naked to get your deodorant?
I have expressed that I find this odd and that I would not want this to happen if he and I had children. So he knows I am not ok with this. Especially wish a child who is 14 almost 17th. He said he would continue this behaviour. With our biological children. This child that he is comfortable naked around is his child from his ex wife. He and I are in a relationship and the daughter doesn’t like me and sees me as competition. So this nakedness issue only adds to things.
its also worth noting that his ex wife accused him of being sexually inappropriate with his daughter
Considering that his ex wife accused him of being sexually inappropriate with his daughter and him not respecting your boundaries of not being naked around your (future) biological children, this is a red flag.
If I had a daughter instead of a son with my ex, I wouldn't feel comfortable either if he was naked around her either, especially as a teenager. I also would not be naked around my son either once he's a teen.
I would report this to Children Protective Services[CPS]/Department of Child Safety [DCS] if I were you. It seems like he is using "culture" as an excuse, when really, he is being TOO intentional with it on purpose.
As another user mentioned, it is common in Asian culture, and I've heard it's common in some European countries, so that is OK and not sexual in nature, but the way this guy is going about it is wrong. He might've brainwashed his daughter to think it's okay when it's not, as a sick game.
Yes. It one thing to feel comfortable with your body and nudity BUT it’s another to then just keep invading the other person’s space etc. like he says if one is showering and the other needs something ..just come through the door no problem! “It’s not like I am staring her down. I am just in there to grab something and leave”. But what is so urgent that it can’t wait for the shower to end. Also he say they often forget the towels when they shower. So I said why can’t they call the other to bring them a towel and place it by the door. He says they would just to in and out it inside or hand it to the other person. Why the constant exposure? This is the part I don’t get. Also why then run around naked from bathroom to bedroom.
They also “cuddle” on the couch to which I said then why not “cuddle” on the bed too!! He says he personally wouldn’t do it but he doesn’t see it as a problem if someone does it if both people are ok with it.
His daughter would come into his bed after he went to sleep up until the age of 10. He said he would wake up to find her there and then he would CARRY he back to bed! Why carry a 10 year old???
So I feel she is groomed to see this as ok.
His daughter has issues with the women in his life and he picks her over an adult relationship.
@msichana what is disturbing is you have mentioned you would not be ok with this if you had children with him, and you are uncomfortable with it now and he completely disregarded your feelings and said he would continue. You have several ref flags, pay attention to your intuition.
Yes when I mentioned it. He said this is quite normal behavior and nothing wrong. Why are you making it sexual? I said because this isn’t normal! He says he needs to be open with his daughter and have her tell him
about her body.
He often doesn’t accept alternative view points and things his way is right. I am Kenyan (African) we don’t do this stuff. He is German. Nudity may be viewed differently their but way go out of your way to see your child naked?!
When I say no to something and he is the opposite then he is saying his way rules and mine is abnormal
@msichana in the Caribbean where i from most peop,le grew u with this practice cause of the lack of privacy , but when become of age the behavior stop .. the only time we might see some family member naked i is the are using the outside shower
This is a clear red flag, I'm sorry for the child though..
There are many cultures considering this as totally normal.
If the Caucasian weren't involved in applying their thinking to the whole world, many cultures would still live that way.
Some still does and have very few problems. Way less than communities who consider this abnormal.
Maybe we should/can learn from that and respect the clothes nature gave us : our skin.
I myself see several red flags. Seeing how your uncomfortable with his actions now. I would sever ties. Move on to someone who is more in your comfort zone. You want someone who isn’t going to do those things with your children. There’s a level of comfortable you would want a father and daughter have. I was so paranoid that the dad did the changes of diapers and the talks about nudity in the house and so on. I didn’t want to make the child uncomfortable. These days you have to be careful. Your boyfriend having no problem or issue with this is not a good thing. He’s teaching her wrong things. And picking her over you should show you where your standing in his relationship is.
@msichana
How does his daughter feel about it?
Nudist beaches and parks are actually quite common in Southern Europe.
So long as they are both comfortable with it and it is not sexual (I’d try and have a conversation with her privately to ascertain this), then I fail to see the harm in it.
It’s good they are both so comfortable with their bodies.
I think this is the tip of the iceberg and this is only one issue in many. Read up on narcissism you may see who you are living with in the articles, his way or the highway, you are being told you are not normal, etc etc
It's not very appropriate I think,there should be some parent and child boundaries once the child is a teenager.
The father needs to be responsible and put some space being the adult for the child's sake as she may later be blamed for inappropriate boundaries or indecent behaviour because she grows up believing this is normal and that all men are okay with this.
The "grooming" has been occurring. The kid seems to have grown with the mindset of this as normal. This can be damaging for the kid to even be separated, then have to learn what is normal. I am so sorry about all this, as what it does leave the kid with for so much of their life. This can lead to lots of hard to undo damage unfortunately.
@msichana i am from India.. this is not normal.. definitely a red flag...but i really hope nothing bad will happen..
