A letter to those I won't see again so my past can rest in peace 😮

I wish I have started therapy sooner. 😂

Body doesn't care how many self-help books you have read and what you know, body gains from experience. And in some cases the body remembers something the mind doesn't.

I have a problem to express my feelings and emotions as well as talking about it. My mindset is probably like "maybe if they don't know me, they won't hurt me." (Cups is a good start, which is why I post my today's journal here, even though no one would read that XD)

I knew my behavior was toxic, but I also thought every day that I'll change that - but here we are. For around a year :o I was with you and out of a blue I disappeared, I was ignoring you and after some time when I started having regrets I came back and indicatated some care xd and when you did too I ghosted again. 👀 And so on.

It's said that some people who had certain experiences after showing emotions in childhood unknowingly do that lol. So it's not my personality 👀💃

It was like wanting to eat, but when you get that food, you're sick of it. Wanna be closer, but when you do, it's uncomfortable and you realize you're not made for this and wanna be alone. I couldn't even hug my friends without being claustrophobic when I had them xD.

So I guess I need to stop reading and do an action to have new experiences. 🥲