Am I too emotional?
All of my relationships follow the same script.
Somewhere, somehow, I fall in love. I go to a meeting. I say, "Hey, how are you?" and it starts.
One or two dates go by, and everything's awesome!
When I realize that "this is it! Finally! It's happening!" I share my emotions more and more.
And every time it turns out that I'm overpowering the other person's emotions. My emotions are so much that the other person starts to think "oh, I can't give him back as much as he gives me" and so on.
Each time I try to get less and less emotional, but each time it ends up the same :(
What am I doing wrong?
@Ingvar1982 I am sorry you have challenges in relationships. I do too.
For me it boils down to expectations. I think everyone has them but they are rarely the same or even compatible.
Expecting someone will be my source of happiness has led me astray many times. To me finding happiness occurs in my own mind not out there somewhere. We are taught in media that if we only have a product or a person we will be happy. That is a difficult belief to give up.
Would you consider not sharing all your expectations to the other person and just see where a relationship goes. That may be counter intuitive but lowering one's expectations and taking an interest in listening to the other person and what they hope will happen may produce a different result. Life is an experiment. I am still trying and seeing what really makes me happy.
@soulsings It's not like that with me. I don't expect anything. I just want to be with a person. I want to help him. I want to support him in everything. I want to give him positive emotions, care, and love. And I want to dissolve into a man if you know what I mean. And it doesn't cost me anything, I'm just being myself.
To be necessary and useful to someone, to give him energy - that's everything to me. It energizes me 10 times more :)
But it turns out that when I give people a lot, for some reason they think that at least they should give me the same amount.... And that's not true at all! I don't need anything more than what they can actually give (and may not give anything at all). But it's always the same thing...
"I can't give you so much, so much you do for me, I feel indebted to you..."
And I still don't understand how to explain to people that the fact that you are just there for me, and I can give you all that I give you - that to me is and is very, very cool...
They don't believe me. and I don't believe in myself. I'm already starting to question my normalcy. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I need to see a doctor. But as long as I believe that I'm normal.
@Ingvar1982
This post really spoke to me because I used to have the same issue.
I have a lot to give in a relationship and not everyone is a good fit for the kind of energy and love that I bring to the table. So, I had a lot of bad experiences Then at some point I ended up in a relationship that wasn't like the others -- both of us had a lot to offer and neither was unsatisfied. It was interesting to me because I always assumed there was a problem with my approach to relationships, but this one taught me I was wrong and the problem had never been with me.
I started thinking "maybe relationships are supposed to be easy, maybe all of the work and self-control was unnecessary and the right relationship just feels effortless."
Anyways, I just wanted to share my experience in hopes that it might be helpful.
@Ingvar1982
It's great that you've noticed the pattern, and decided to make an effort, Can you maybe tell me more about this over a private chat
@Ingvar1982
There's many things to say about that matter, maybe you rush things, maybe you are seeking for relationship and the other side doesn't, maybe you set high expectations for every meet and you go after your heart
You better give your mind the chance to think, and don't rush things, also you should know that if you are giving someone a lot of feelings doesn't mean that you will get the same
