Fertility Problems
Hi,
This is honestly my first time trying a support group for this. I've been hitting a lot of low points in this topic and not having people to talk to that truly understand what I'm going through has sucked.
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 5 years now. I've monitored my cycle and tracked my ovulation. I've tried vitamins and diet. We've seen a specialist and got told we were both fine that we just might need some help. They found polyps in my cervix that got removed. I've seen another specialist that told me my iron and progesterone was low so then I tried Clomid for 3 to 4 months and still had no luck. I can't afford IVF or the other fertility pill that costs almost $1300 a month. I've even tried manifestation, praying, and the whole "If it happens it happens" attitude.
My husband tries to say it might be him, but he has a child from his first marriage. I watch everyone else around me have kids like it's nothing and I struggle to be happy for them. I really am happy for them, but then I feel jealous and resentful. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way. I just keep telling everyone I'm fine because I feel like if I open up about how I'm feeling, I'll get met with essentially "I shouldn't feel that way" and end up feeling angry or worse about myself for feeling the way I do.
I honestly told my husband that I'm hitting the point that I just don't want to have kids anymore. I can't take the heartache month after month anymore. I feel like I'm better off just accepting the fact that kids are never gonna happen and just moving on in life.
I've felt alone in my feelings and feel like I can't vent without people being annoyed with me. Does it make me a bad person to feel that way?
@CelticRose13 nope it doesn't make you a bad person at all ❤ you have every right to feel the way you feel. This is clearly a very heartbreak experience for you, and I get it, being a mum would just be the greatest gift ever, after all the closest thing to heaven is a child ❤ you know each and every baby is a miracle a gift to the world, and there's just so many who need adopting or fostering. You have the motherly instincts/love why not think about giving a child a real life, a chance in this world ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I'm glad you were able to open up about it all here ❤
You're never alone :)
Venting is part of the process, especially when your feelings are what is on your mind. I'm sure you will find many others here that will listen. Good luck!
I am so sorry you are going through this struggle. Infertility can be such a lonely place that many do not understand unless they have walked it. After 5 years of trying it’s no wonder you are feeling this way. The mental, emotional and physical toll infertility causes can leave you completely depleted. The journey itself is so exhausting with no promise of outcome and can be full of heartache. It’s heavy, it’s draining, and it’s barely understood by most. The cost of IVF is astronomical preventing some of the best potential parents to access this option. 💔
The complex feelings of being happy for others while also feeling jealous and resentful is so valid. Infertility brings a wide range of mixed feelings and emotions. Try to give yourself some grace while feeling them all. It’s ok to continue the journey and it’s ok to stop. Make whatever decision you need to so that you can be ok. None of this, nothing that you said or any of your feelings make you a bad person. You are someone going through a very complex and difficult journey while trying to manage all the heartache that comes with it. I’m so sorry for your pain. Sending you so much love. 💛