For June

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC

Lesson number one hit me the hardest today:

"It's okay to have days where you just get through, not shine."

Seven hours ago, my member account was deactivated.

Since then, I haven't felt like myself.

I've been refreshing pages, reading policies, submitting appeals, replaying conversations in my head, and wondering what happened.

My insomnia started before this situation, but today it became worse.

I haven't been able to sleep.

I haven't had much appetite.

My eyes are swollen from crying.

My body feels exhausted, but my mind refuses to rest.

Every time I close my eyes, another question appears.

Maybe today's lesson is that survival is enough.

Maybe I don't have to be productive today.

Maybe I don't have to be strong every minute.

Maybe I don't have to have all the answers right now.

Today, getting through the next hour is enough.

Drinking water is enough.

Taking a few bites of food is enough.

Lying down and trying to rest is enough.

Waiting for the review process is enough.

I keep reminding myself that one deactivated account does not define my worth as a person.

It does not erase the kindness I tried to show others.

It does not erase the conversations that mattered to me.

And it does not erase the hope that this situation can still be resolved.

Right now, I am scared, exhausted, and heartbroken.

But I am still here.

Maybe that is my small step forward today.

Just getting through.

Not shining.

Just surviving.