Looks over friendship? Or friendship over looks...
Hi folks,
I'm having trouble with a friend. We are pretty close and I think of the world of her, she's someone I cherish a lot. The catch is she's not someone that's ideally good-looking. Whenever I went out with her the attention (especially on the boys) will be directed at myself. This causes insecurity and a lot of jealousy from her.
She began to work out and have a better diet. I'm really happy for her. Thing is, she has this habit of doing slide glances at me as if she was making comparisons for each change she made of herself.
I know that the things I do will make her insecure. I tried downplaying my achievements. I'll try not to pursue / venture into anything that she's good at. She enjoys stage performing and I'll support her from the background.
It doesn't end with her really. Some of my other friends felt pressured. The next day, they'll make changes, diet, hairstyle, clothes, etc...
Honestly, I feel pressured to act against them. If it's comparison you want, it's comparison you get. Im the laziest dresser and I don't bother to put on makeup. If I get serious about this, I can really pull it off. But I feel like I have no real friends. They're good people and I really don't want to lose them.
Your lonely friend.
XX
@GraceValentine51
It's hard not to always compare ourselves with our peers. But, too much comparison may have a negative impact. Given that you care for them and don't want to loose them, it must be hard to downplay your own self. Have you a conversation about this with them?💜
Hey yeah I haven't really talked to her about it since it's a touchy subject, have plans to try approaching in future (:
@GraceValentine51 Friendship is way more important than looks, even though; im not gonna lie, looks have an importance STILL
I had a similar situation except I was the unattractive friend. Here is my story and what I learned from it. This girl was my best friend from about age 7 to 24. She was beautiful. It was never a good idea to bring my boyfriends around her because they would always like her. I was both envious and jealous. Envy being wanting what she had and jealousy being afraid of losing something I cherished, which was her friendship. I did eventually lose that friendship. We just grew apart. She was cheating on her husband and I was pregnant and married to my first husband. I'm now 45, so I've had a lot of time to process and work through this. It was never her job to be someone she wasn't around me, and I never expected that from her at the time. I actually would have loved if we had been into the same things because it would have given us more time together. My feelings were related to my own feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. She had nothing to do with it. I'm lucky to have had a best friend for so long. I'm just glad she was comfortable being herself around me because I think I was the only one that got to see that side of her. The best advice I can give you is to talk to her. Let her know how you are feeling. Let her know how much you value your friendship and want to make sure that you are doing everything you can to make sure that she feels good about the friendship as well. Make sure to talk to her in a way that you are opening up about your feelings and she is not going to feel blamed about anything. I hope that you are able to work this out. Good friends can be hard to come by. When we find them, we need to hold onto them the best we can.
Thank you for sharing this, it's been a year and oh my how things have changed. I'm glad to say our friendship remains strong as we have respect for each other's prowess. And btw a good looking guy came over and he chose her. I'm really happy for her and I hope the best in future!
Thank you for sharing your story and your advice on talking to her. Much love 💕