Self Reflection

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC

Thank you, I'm making time for self reflection.

Howdy. Im Jason. I will have to work on self-reflection. I will endeavor to do so.

Self-reflection is a great "tool" and can be an eye opener. Thanks for the post!

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@AshleyNFlewellenLPC I have done reflection of self comparing it to how I was in the past. In the pass I worried excessively and due to the many years of abuse not only did I try to control things my children did but many times tho not all the time I would have triggers that would cause me to do violent things such as mostly hitting my son which for my daughter I mainly stayed away from from which years later I learned why this was, would get in arguments only with my children and my ex who was my abuser besides my step father. After all was done I would buy things for my children to make up for what I had done to them although my daughter didnt get hit she witnessed most of the abuse her dad did to me as well as what I did to my son who at times she would verbally abuse him due to his stealing of items from her and I would join her in verbally abusing him. Well after entering a day program I stopped all physical and mental abuse of my son who was 13 at the time. After much rebellion in my program I worked on my own behavior and thought pattern. After realizing I was repeating what was done to me growing up I first worked on my being triggered and began to Chat in groups to help myself heal and in healing allowed me to change the dynamics with my children. My son stays away where I rarely see him but after messaging him time and time again being despite our separation we always made sure to have each others number. He now responds to my messages, recently permitted me to call him to chat verbally and said those 3 words “I love you”. I have gained much trust with my daughter who recognized the work I did and realized how much I do love them and always did just that I couldnt express it in a positive way in the past. I still have work to do on anger. Though I no longer express anger through forms of violence I have taken on shame of anger and when angry I break down crying. When things scare me or trigger me I give myself 24-72 hours to feel my feelings and have disiplined myself on how long I will allow myself to be in that mind frame to avoid all cause of depression and any harm I might of brought harm to myself in the past. If at any time I negative thought enters I look at its value briefly and change it to positive usin’ the tools I learned in program and I do everything to keep my mind free from worry. I just refuse to think on it and I tell myself right now I will not think About it even 2 minutes. If its things that need taken care of I just say whatever happens happens and I will work on it when time comes closer. I also try my best to pray and turn my attention to God and attending Mass to ask for Gods help and guidance as well as go to confession as it helps me crash on an even path. I will go weekly if the need is there. Finally I pick up phone 1 person I know and I write About the situation and how it has made me feel or hope for it to be and I come to cups almost on a daily basis.