Vent Post
Might be big.
I feel quite numb and sad most of the time. Been this way for a few years. I've lost interest in everything that I used to enjoy. I feel like a burden on my family. I feel lonely and distanced from everyone. Feels like the only time my dad talks to me is when its about education or school. Neither of my parents seem interested when I want to share something. I'm not good at socializing. My class is mostly guys (and I'm 15f who prefers hanging around with girls/the same gender as me), and i don't like them. Theyre disgusting and weird. All of them have trash talked about me at some point too. They have no reason to talk about me so much, but they do as one of their friends is my cousin. There are only 4 girls including me. I'm friends with girl A. I've also known girl K for a while, but I'm not close with her. I don't even know if she considers me a friend. A and K used to be best friends. K had another best friend, who left the school recently. This year K and A started hanging out a lot more again and sitting together, leaving me alone a little. Girl N is new, and good friends with K. I couldn't be close with her either, and it feels awkward. Theyre not mean to me, yes I have been talked behind my back by K before, but we were very young and little kids back then so I don't grudge over it. I know its selfish of me to feel jealous, I have no right to feel that way. A has her own life and right to hang out with others. But I still just feel a little sad when she's with others instead. The teachers always call me an irregular student. It upsets me sometimes. Im trying. Im still present at least 20/30 days. Its not like I attend one day a week, I only miss about one day a week. Even when I try to attend as much as possible, no one acknowledges it. But the second I miss that one day, its very big deal. The guys are worse than me, and they don't get told anything. Even my cousin isn't given as many headaches. My friend also has a similar attendance situation, sometimes worse. But she's never been called an irregular student. I've been doing worse in school lately. The grading system sucks too. I feel too unmotivated. I also have a lot of assignments and projects to do, impacting my sleep schedule. Sometimes its hard to sleep and I don't want to go to school. But I don't have a choice so I suck it up. I don't like my tutor either. He's not bad, just not for me. My parents gve me my cousins tutor and I have to study with him now. I don't like having to study along with my cousin, our study speed is different. I barely have time to do things anymore because of having a tutor. I try to push it all to the back of my mind and deal with the present. Its monotonous. Ive been *** it up for years. This year however, multiple people have been noticing that I apparently seem "sad". I suppose I'm slipping up and having a harder time masking my feelings. I feel guilty thinking about life. My parents shouldnt spend money on my education, since I wont be able to put it to use. Im useless. I'll never be someone that can make them proud. I dont have a right to feel this way. Im ungrateful. I dont like how i look or who i am. I feel fat. I'm not overweight, but my stomach always looks bloated. It makes me feel insecure. My mom pointed it out a few times. My hair always looks frizzly. I feel unloved and unwanted. I feel lost. I dont enjoy anything anymore. I don't want to study. I don't want to work. I dont want to play. I don't want to do anything. People call me emo or spoiled. It hurts. I don't ask my parents for anything. why am I considered spoiled? I try my best to be as low of a nuisance as possible. I try to help whenever I can. It's never enough. I'm trying my best. I really am. The constant comparison with my cousin also hurts. "He's a boy and he does so much around the house". I have a little brother. Sometimes it's like he doesn't love me. I get yelled at if I don't teach him his homework and stuff. If he does something wrong, I get punished. I also have religion pressured on me a lot. I'm tired. I've cried for a while. I feel sleepy now.
Sorry for all the writing. Ive never tried expressing my emotions in an online forum before. I had to erase a bunch of stuff because apparently I'm not allowed to say it.. I feel like an attention seeker saying all this tbh. Sorry, thank you for reading! ♡
Uhh idk why the font looks like that.. my bad
Oh no one cared.
@Eggzie
Wow, either it took me four hours to respond and I'm incredibly slow. Or I didn't notice this comment. Hopefully, I wasn't the tortoise. Chin up, life will get better for both of us.
@Eggzie
I see, what an awful situation. I envision you as someone with a bunch of expectations with no say of your own and the people you know feeling unreachable such as your family or friends leading to feeling isolated and unhappy. Being 15 around your formative years with this situation is truly gut-wrenching. Being open is a good step even if it is venting, it's the easiest form to be open so don't worry about being criticized for it. In your situation it's understandable and based on the way you aren't happy with yourself no one should expect you to not vent.
Being bitter hurts your self-worth and makes it hard to make friends or be happy with yourself and those around you, it will cloud how you perceive people even the ones you consider family or family and how you believe they think of you. When people are unhappy about something it's because people wish for that thing or wish something would change or they're unsure of why. You seem less resentful and in search of people who understand your feelings, the community here is willing to listen, you've taken a good first step.
Should you wish to turn your mood around, I can't stress enough the importance of small steps. You're aware your frustration may be causing you to close yourself off, causing you to miss out on opportunities or things you used to enjoy. I recommend continuing to do small things, waking up, going for a walk listening to music, watching a show and attending classes. There are thousands and millions of things in the world so don't be afraid to explore or learn something new, set a goal and ask yourself what would you want from life. Maybe you want to travel the world or live somewhere abroad, make stuff using your hand, make so much money you don't know what to do with it, make the world a better place, get a specific job, or maybe you want to live a normal happy life where even mundane things are comforting. If you have some idea of what you want in life then I believe you will find life is worth toughing out because you may find the people you'd thought you'd never meet.
In a strict upbringing, I strongly recommend seeing the school counsellor or attending school activities (yes maybe even the chess club) if your parents don't appreciate your hobbies or free time, they will help take your mind off things, even if parents appear cold don't think they can't feel empathy don't be afraid to talk to them about things like the weather, the news or how what you did or have to do, it may be corny but I'm sure they'd at least be happy to know their child they nurtured for so long is showing interest in the world.
Your friends may seem closed off or unappreciative, consider letting your friends know how you feel left out recently and how you're unhappy right now with life. If they don't respect that then it's up to you how to proceed. there are cliques but so long as you come off as nice and friendly many people won't mind you.
I offer this advice because, in your teenage years, I believe making massive changes now will set the tone for how you will be for a very long time. Before when I was in a similar situation I thought my life would hit a dead end after I graduated from school in my teenage years, but I decided to stick around afterwards and found out that there is more to life than what you perceive when you're younger, I remember being unable to cry those days but now an honest post on a site can make me tear up. I wish you the best and should you ever need people who will listen don't be afraid to post again.
Remember you may feel awful now, but if you are willing to see past It you'll become one of the best people others would love to meet one day. Rooting for you.
-Sunnylake
@sunnyLake7661
Also, don't take a long time for a reply to be sent as indicative of people not caring going by upvotes people do care. Responses are harder and on my first post, it didn't take until 3 days for someone to reply, especially since it's important to juggle what you want to say, who you're speaking to and how you're speaking to them.
I’m really struggling with a deeply toxic and damaging situation involving my biological sister and my parents. My sister has harbored intense jealousy ever since she found out about my connection with Saurabh. It feels like she has made it her mission to sabotage my happiness and well-being. She has been relentlessly spreading lies and negative stories about me, influencing not only my parents but also our extended relatives. The lies she tells have caused people around me to see me in a negative light, even though I’ve done nothing to deserve it.
On top of that, my parents have joined her in creating an environment that is emotionally and even physically harmful. They manipulate and gaslight me constantly, making me question myself and my choices. The emotional harassment is severe, but it has also included physical intimidation or actions that have made me feel unsafe. The combination of my sister and parents has created a relentless attack on my mental health.
They even took things to the extreme by throwing me out of our home, leaving me feeling abandoned and without a safe space to turn to. In an even more damaging move, they cut off all the support systems that I had left. My parents and sister went out of their way to say mean, rude, and vulgar things to my close relatives and friends. As a result, those people who used to support me have distanced themselves, likely because they believe the lies or want to avoid conflict with my family.
This has left me feeling completely isolated, unsupported, and vulnerable. I’ve lost the emotional safety nets I once had, and the constant manipulation, harassment, and lies have taken a huge toll on my well-being. The emotional pain feels overwhelming, and I’m struggling to find a way to cope and move forward from this trauma. I hope that by sharing this with you, we can work together to find a way to start healing and protecting myself from further harm."
