i don't think i'm trustworthy
i don't think i'm trustworthy at all. this is because whenever i feel unhappy/sad/mad about someone, i would tell my close friends about it and it just sounds like i'm complaining. it includes stuff like personal problems (secrets?), so it feels like i'm badmouthing them. i would probably say along the lines (oh she's judgmental because of __________ that's why i don't like her), [oh she has a lot of exes (but i didn't call her a h*e)], (i just feel that they never really helped me) or (why did she do __________? i was honestly scared and i felt guilty) but never (ew he's disgusting and dirty).
i used to do this to a few close friends of mine and got away from it most of the time. i'm not sure if this is considered talking behind one's back but it's more like i'm venting/complaining. but they also talked behind my back before (including hurting me), but this is still my fault (since they don't talk about it after the friendship ended).
yesterday, my ex suddenly messaged my ex best-friend telling her that i used to badmouth her. my ex even accused me of saying stuff i didn't say at all (during the relationship). my ex best-friend confronted me and i tried to defend myself but she didn't believe me. my ex best-friend said that she didn't tell any of my personal problems to anyone (after the friendship ended, but during she did), but back then she also broke my trust several times.
but i just don't know if that is considered badmouthing or just an opinion of someone, because i don't always talk about them unless they made me feel horrible. if it's considered badmouthing, i will try to change myself for the better and stop repeating the same mistake. i just want to know if i'm doing the wrong thing or not. i kind of regret saying those stuff, but i feel more regret being friends with them and being the people pleaser in the past. i was so sad that they broke my trust and made me feel miserable.
Hey @milkiswholesome,
Thank you for sharing these thoughts.
In the spur of the moment you're being honest, but oftentimes criticizing someone behind their back is considered badmouthing.
Being part of social relations, we often have to deal with people/problems that come with it and it might be unpleasant. We label things that we don't understand therefore it's easier to process and pass those judgments. However, this only creates a ripple effect of uneasiness on those around us and it puts you in a vulnerable spot by revealing your thoughts and losing some of the credibility people had in you.
What helps is to try not to create judgments about others. Try befriending them by understanding what they've gone through, even if you disagree with it. Also, ease the expectations of others, including yourself. One thing to remember is you can't change people, you can only change how you react to them.
You seem like someone who has been through your share lot. Kudos, rooting for you 💕