low self-esteem
yo guys im new here, how do u deal with having low self-esteem all the time?
so ive been dealing with it my whole life, and on some day it gets so bad, i get agitated and angry that i mess up everything i do. my brain keeps telling me how weak and pathetic i am, cant even enjoy my hobbies without thinking how much i suck at them.
@feefus
It is not about being good or perfect at something it is showing up and trying....... I understand your struggle as i felt that way for years ...............but i realize my strengths and weaknesses and keep trying
so many people ......... quit if even one person shows them up or does it better ..........
i took a zumba class once ...... have a serious ankle limitation in one leg but did my best to keep up ..instructor came to me said "was doing it wrong" ... told her i had limited use she smiled and said "well then you are doing amazing "
all a matter of perspective and the information you have......
@toughTiger6481 its just yanno, the feeling i could do better
@feefus
Feeling that way after the fact or while doing it?
Many many people feel like they could do better .... sometimes we can and step up but sometimes we can and feel liek good enough will get us through..... i have not conquered the step up all the time item myself.
after the fact i often critic my efforts and think well you could have ...... during i just force myself to make the adjustment in going a bit farther in effort.....
@toughTiger6481
both, i generally feel this is not my full potential if im getting surpassed
@feefus
It seems to me so many seem driven by keeping up or keeping score against others......
some days we get the win .... the final goal and sometimes someone else does ......... some days we might not give it our all or if we had ability to turn back time we would do differently ....... but the reality is we can second guess all we do in our heads........ but it is not helping us move forward and is like building roadblocks in our own path.
@feefus
Achieve something. It can be as easy as going to a park. Or meeting up with someone. As you spend more time doing things and achieving them(using a checklist). You're self-esteem will improve. At least, that's the easiest way I've found...
@LifeisbeautifulbutGodiswonderful
im achieving stuff everyday but its not enough, this is not the best i can do
@feefus
Are the expectations created by you or by someone else?
@LifeisbeautifulbutGodiswonderful
all by me dude, im creating them in my head
@feefus
Then just tell yourself that it's not going to make your life better even though you have those expectations. You might feel like you're fighting a war with yourself, but, you have to give your body and mind patience to heal.
@feefus
I have been there and still wind up in that headspace. It has been destructive for me too.
here is my rambling suggestion for what you could try.
It was explained to me that neurons that fire together wire together. So when you have a negative thought about yourself and agree with it/don’t correct it you add it to the pile of ideas you have about yourself not being good then it gets easier to find more things you feel are wrong with you to add to the belief.
Good news is its not permanent and while it takes time and persistence it’s fairly easy to redirect your thoughts and gets easier the more you do it. I started just trying to catch the negative thoughts and tell myself I am not talking like that about myself anymore. Reminding myself I make mistakes but it doesn’t make me a failure.
I was told to consider how I wouldn’t let it stand if it was someone else being talked down to like that. Purposely thinking about something good I did no matter how simple or mundane. All these positive parts start reworking that pathway in your brain.
It hasn’t solved all my self esteem issues, I still have negative thoughts yet I have less of them and my self loathing is receding. Someday I might be a terrifyingly optimistic person for now I am nicer with myself and that makes it easier for me to try to do better. Beating yourself up while trying to improve at anything is like tying your shoe laces together and being angry you keep falling over.
@Synclastic3
ive actually started trying this method some months ago but i fall back more than i improve tbh
@feefus
As in your getting more negative and worse as time goes by or just that you fall into the same habit as before?
It will probably be a slow process and this wont be the only method you try. More likely you will need to stack different skills and methods together or modify to suit you.
Like I hated journaling when I tried it but it has been useful making a one sentence note in my calendar app about my emotions everyday in an attempt to be mindful. Or I can’t get myself out of a negative self loathing loop that day but I can make sure to put on clean clothes to sleep in so the next morning is more comfortable to start. Or if i am going to cry I will be as comfortable as possible and go sit on the couch or lay in bed rather then on the floor. All I’m doing is adding to my pile of proof that I can change because I just made a change. But also that I can be nice to myself while I am miserable.
It’s small steps but those are the only types of steps Frodo took and he made it all the way to Mordor and back.
For instance correcting my self talk is a good thing to do but so is finding new methods of treating myself when I am in a bad loop of self deprecation.
I have been looking at it like building a new skill set. You will have to combine ideas and try new things to find what works. Sometimes giving up on something only to return to it later.
If you find you can’t redirect the negative thoughts making the decision to treat yourself well despite it is important too. For instance I feel terrible and lost my motivation to eat
Today it felt like I fell in a mental manhole of negative thoughts I believed I had gotten past. It’s discouraging but on the flip side I
@Synclastic3
sorry I just meant to post up until the lord of the ring joke. The bit after was a first draft I thought I deleted
I deal with this all the time. I tend to beat myself up and get upset when something goes wrong. I play it over and over in my head and it can really bring me down. It also didn’t help that my dad would call me stupid and useless when I wouldn’t be able to solve his problems.
I’ve learned that when I catch myself having negative thoughts, I tell myself to stop talking about myself like that. Then I try to find one positive thing about myself, it can be something small like saying that I have a great sense of style. But I find doing this helps redirect my negative thoughts to something more positive.
Hope this helps! With a little bit of consistency, we can work on changing these negative thoughts to positive things and help bring confidence to ourselves.