Cumulative damage
I woke up early this morning having another panic attack not sure where I was. I've posted a few times here. The problem is that there's a big gas lighting effect on EMS and mental health. The people who akgnowledge it do it in all the wrong ways causing more psychological destress to people who run some horrible stuff for a living. Yesterday a genuinely concerned person said this: "So you're a paramedic huh?" Me: "yeah" her: "you must see some horrible car accidents then, huh?" Me: "....uh yeah." Her:"how do you cope with that?" Me in my head: "drink hard and avoid talking to people like you." Outloud: "as well as one can ma'am." It's hard not to think about them after those kinds of questions.
@DarkGalaxy55555
Yet people ask "what was your worst call". Like do you literally want us to dig deep in memory through all the graphic calls we faced to just give you a story so you could enjoy your time??!!
Not sure anyone monitors this post anymore being as its an older one. I find a lot of these on 7cups pertaining to areas of my existence that I would like to be a part of but I'm late to the party.... With that said, I want to say that I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been a correctional officer, first responder and an EMT since 1997. I let my EMT certification expire because the types of calls got to be more and more drugs, drunks, and psych transports and less helping sick people. I know that sounds bad. Its not that I don't think those folks need help nor was it that I didn't want to help them, but, as you know, it takes a toll on you, and I had enough. I had to stop. On top of that, I would do a transport for an OD or alcohol call on a weekend and then see the individual again in my housing unit at the jail not long after....the same people time after time, you offer them help yet they don't want it....it gets old and depressing.....anyway....back to my original point of this post....based on the lack of forums that I failed to find with like minded individuals (the PTSD and all the things we know that go on in our heads...along with the dark humor and coping mechanisms that "normal" folks don't understand), I started my own journal thread here where I just wrote what was on my mind....no real interaction at first...just typing it all out to get it out....and it helped....then a couple of folks found it when surfing the web site and would comment here and there, I liked their comments and interaction, but it really didn't matter...it was about just getting it out into the universe. Most of the journal thread is about my correctional officer experiences....and I haven't been to that journal thread and shared in a very long time because I have found other healthy coping mechanisms and have been doing well....I find I only really use my 7 cups thread when I'm in a bad place....
I guess I typed all that out to say this....find a place to just type it out....even if no one reads it or replys.....it helps to just get it out.....in my opinion....
And one more thing.....I actually tried and paid for a professional counselor and quit after 3 sessions because I felt he didn't "understand" either...it was a terrible experience and I never tried it again....finding someone who understand our profession, what we see and go through can be frustrating....
