Trauma Community Forums Daily Check in - Friday 3rd February 2017

Today is the two year anniversary of my Grampa's death. Facebook was kind enough to remind me. Which means there's another post I'll see in my "On This Day" thing tomorrow that I wrote right after I got home from the hospital. It was horrible. They really fought to keep him alive, and his doctor who'd just met us like 10mins before he coded was trying to fight back tears after. I remember everything. I called my brother when I was leaving work to see if he wanted to go to the hospital and he asked if I could pick him up. So I did and we stopped at Culver's on the way. We got a buffalo chicken strip basket with cheese curds to split, and we each got a scoop of coconut cream pie ice cream (which was amazing, and my Grampa would've loved it) that we ate while we waited for our food. When we got there they were still doing his intake in the ICU, so I went over all of it for them like I had done the last few times he went to the hospital. We were only there for about an hour and a half before it was getting late. I said "Goodnight Grampa" and I gave him a kiss on his forehead, and he said "Goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow"....and then they called "Code Blue 2700 Unit ICU" before we'd gotten out of the hospital. We went back up and it was him. I had to call my gramma to get her back cuz she'd gone home already, and the reception was so bad it took like 10 tries to get through to her and I couldn't even talk. All I could do was cry. So she asked if she needed to get back to the hospital and I got out a yes and then she hung up. He's missed so much. I have half siblings that were born just a couple months after he died. They'll never know him 😢💔

To make it worse, I was just sitting here crying and I still had to finish reading stupid Brave New World today and take a quiz on that which I got submitted right at the deadline, and I still have a quiz over two chapters I haven't read yet for Developmental Psychology, and a discussion board post over chapters I haven't read yet for Music Appreciation. I really just need a break from life right now. That would be nice. I need a couple weeks off. I have the money to be able to take the time off work, but I still have school so it's pointless. And I have a class I have to take this summer too because it isn't offered online during the school year so I don't even get out of school until July 7. :(

I don't know where this belongs, but I wrote this when I got home from the hospital two years ago (which took extra long cuz I had to keep stopping cuz I was crying so much) and this is where I'm at today:

Tonight, I felt like I was watching a show on TV. "Code Blue in 2700 Unit ICU" over and over through the intercom. It couldn't be *my* grampa though. I had just left his room. Just gone down in the elevator. I'd just said goodnight to him. It couldn't be him. But there it was again, "Code Blue in 2700 Unit ICU". So my dad, my brother, and I, who'd stood there staring at each other since it was first said, got back in the elevator just to be sure. We went back to the room we had just left. The room where I had just said, "Goodnight Grampa", and he'd replied, "Goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow." Surely it couldn't be him...right? No...it couldn't be...it can't be...I had *just* said goodnight to him! But it was. It was *his* room the doctors and nurses were running in and out of. It was *his* room with the flashing blue light outside the door. It was *his* room with all the beeping machines. Tonight I watched as doctors performed CPR, and tried to bring him back. Tonight I stood there panicked, staring at the doctors and nurses, as I realized I needed to call my grandmother. Tonight, my Grampa passed away.

Goodnight Grampa