Trauma Support Community Check-in: Friday and Saturday 19-20 March 2021

Hi, wonderful community !

The topic I bring to you in this check-in is:

Routines

I differentiate here Routines, which are rules of behavior we impose ourselves even if we don’t feel like it (”I will go to bed at 10 PM every night”), from Habits, that are behaviors we spontaneously do at certain times, like watching TV at night, or eating pasta on Sundays, which not necessarily come from self imposed rules.

When a self-imposed routine becomes a habit, we have achieved the highest degree of incorporating a positive behavior into our lives. For example, we now exercise at certain times because we feel the need to do it. We now want to go to bed at 10 PM. We eat only healthy food because it pleases us the most.

By acquiring a new, positive habit we have changed ourselves for the better.

Paradoxically, while routines restrict our freedom in the short term (“it’s 7 PM, I have to walk 20 minutes, and I don’t feel like”), they increase our freedom in the longer term. They help us become the person we want to be. That is, the person that practices these routines we have freely chosen, and reaps its benefits. By choosing and following routines, we expand our freedom.

Routines in a crisis.

Every time we feel our world is falling apart, and our life is out of control, we naturally tend to discontinue our normal routines and habits.

But, as much as we can, we should try to keep them.

Keeping some old or new basic routines during a crisis, gives us a sense of control over our lives, which is opposite to the feeling of been totally subject to external forces, like leaves blown by the wind.

The sense of control makes us stronger. In turn, this feeling of strength could be a base from which to regain and normalize our life.

Routines and Trauma.

For our unconscious, time does not pass. There, we are always powerless subjects of external forces that might hurt us. A main characteristic of Trauma is that, in the very depths of this atemporal unconscious, the traumatic event is happening all the time.

This negative unconscious content resurfaces more or less often as bad memories, intrusive thoughts, or flashbacks.

We must counteract this false unconscious belief with all the tools we can muster. In particular, we should establish the opposite reality in our lives. A life in which it is absolutely clear that we are in control. And safe.

All real things we can establish in our lives that refute that false belief, and distance ourselves from the nature and conditions of the traumatic event, are steps forward in the direction of healing.

They are permanent “grounding” anchors to the present, reminding constantly ourselves that now we are in control and safe.

We should design our whole life having this in mind. This involves, among many things, choosing the people we meet, the places we go, decorating the environment we live in, and in particular establishing, as much as possible, the things we do.

In this sense, choosing, establishing, and following routines, could become a valuable resource to advance in our healing path.

Questions

- How do you feel today ?

- Do you follow routines chosen by yourself ?

- What new routines would you like to establish for yourself ?

I look forward to your comments, and wish you all the best !

Marcelo.

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