Trauma Support Community Check-in: Friday and Saturday 26-27 March 2021
Hi, wonderful community !
The topic I bring to you in this check-in is:
Going Beyond your Comfort Zone
It is natural to everyone to "seek pleasure and avoid pain", as the old formula goes. Also, to set for a certain established, predictable way of life.
But this formula might leave us confined within a small space of action, and become unsatisfactory with time, leaving us unhappy about it.
To avoid this, we might practice venturing beyond our Comfort Zone. The Stoics even proposed practicing "voluntary discomfort" as a way to expand our capabilities and our limits.
Someone might think “I live in frequent discomfort, what Comfort Zone is he talking about?”
I would consider the Comfort Zone as that part of our life that is well known, predictable, in which we know how to proceed, and that produces anticipated outcomes.
When we stretch our muscles, feeling a little pain might be a good sign, that we have reached a tight spot, stretching it. We are making a difference.
Similarly, when we do some somewhat disagreeable things, like forcing ourselves into a healthier habit, or confronting someone over a serious issue, the feeling of discomfort is a sign that we are really making a difference, that this is for real, that we are expanding the territory of what we can do.
We should identify this discomfort, honor and value it as a sign and prize for the effort to go beyond our beaten path and the ways already established that we are accustomed to.
That we can do more things than before, and we are stronger and freer.
Questions:
- How are you feeling today ?
- What experiences did you have of going beyond your Comfort Zone ?
- What new things you would like to explore beyond your Comfort Zone ?
I look forward to your comments, and wish you all the best !
Marcelo.
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- How are you feeling today ?
I'm feeling a bit triggered and I'm feeling sad. I'm doing some grounding techniques to move myself out of it and reassure myself that I'm safe.
- What experiences did you have of going beyond your Comfort Zone ?
I often struggle with voicing my needs and today when I felt uncomfortable about something, I raised it. I'm proud of myself for doing that. I think in the past, I wouldn't have raised it and just dismissed my feelings or that I'm just too sensitive, but this time I acknowledged how I was feeling and tried to address it.
- What new things you would like to explore beyond your Comfort Zone ?
I'd like to become more comfortable with dealing with strangers and not fear it.
@purpleWheel873
Hi !
I'm sorry about how you feel. I appreciate and value that you have the willpower and knowledge to practice grounding techniques that make you feel better and safe.
Congratulations on voicing your needs !
I am proud of yourself too !
Maybe you had a moment of strong discomfort while doing so.
But you made your point, which should change the situation, you stretched the boundaries of what was possible to you (now you can speak aloud what you need to say), you got stronger, and proud of yourself.
You have acquired this valuable capability by yourself, and the next time it will be much easier.
Regarding improving your capacity to deal with strangers, there is a technique called "Systematic Desensitization" in which you expose yourself to the objects you fear, starting with things that just bother you a little, and increasing gradually the intensity. This is combined with relaxation techniques, like deep breathing, to reduce anxiety during the exposure.
Regarding "strangers", for example, you could write a list of people from the least intimidating to the most intimidating to you. Then start with the least intimidating, like making eye contact and saying hello to the nice girl that manages the grocery store. Next, have a small talk with her. Then, the same with a police woman. Then with a male shop employee. Next with a police man. Etc, etc. You can practice it as an exercise, at your own pace.
You can read an article about it in Healthline HERE.
There is a good "7 Cups Guide" on Social Anxiety HERE
And, there is also a specific "Social Anxiety" forum in 7 Cups HERE
Congratulations on your commitment to improving yourself, getting stronger, and expanding your range of the most "difficult" social skills !
You are doing a lot of good to yourself !
I wish you all the best,
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat Thank you Marcelo for your detailed response and sharing the resources on 'Systematic Desensitization'. I'll take a look at the various links you've shared, they look very helpful. I was feeling better after doing meditation yesterday and I feel like I'm letting it go more today. I appreciate your kind words in your message :)
@purpleWheel873
You are welcome !
Thank you for your kind words !
I am glad you are feeling better thanks to your own efforts.
All the best !
Marcelo
- How are you feeling today ? Frustrated. . . My family is frustrated over the stimulus, we need groceries and finsih paying bills and save to get a better place. My brother is drunk, and he is driving me crazy as he is a completely different person. I am so easily distracted today. I just need to mediate and allow things disappear.
- What experiences did you have of going beyond your Comfort Zone? I have told people what I really think. I go out and do things on my own. I have panic attacks and extreme anxiety.
- What new things you would like to explore beyond your Comfort Zone? I want to travel. I want to more things on my own. I want my own privacy. I want to get my works published.
@Rebekahwriter13
Dear Rebekah:
I am sorry that you feel so disappointed and frustrated. But you are right to feel that way. We all expected that by this time things would be much better, but they are even worse in most of the world. And we are worn down for so many months of fear, restrictions, an economy in shambles, lack of work opportunities, declining incomes.
I think the idea of taking some time in solitude and silence (you can even use earplugs) is a good one. You might not find Nirvana in those moments, but at least a respite from such a toxic environment. And also check what your mind is telling you all the time.
You are very dignified, outspoken, direct and assertive. Those are great virtues, and help keep relationships healthy, open and clear.
Congratulations for that !
Sometimes it is tough, it would be easier to fall into some passive-aggressive trick, but the latter is sickening in the end.
i wish that you get published more. It is a continuus struggle for writers.
I once read that "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," (Robert Pirsig, 1974) a favorite of mine, received more than 120 rejections, during five years by editors, before being accepted by a very skeptical one. The book sold 5 million copies in the first decade and continues to sell, as is considered the greatest contemporary philosophical fiction classic.
I wish you that you can prosper, have a nice apartment, and travel a lot, once this pandemic is over.
Keep in touch !
All the best,
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Thank you for responding. I hope to strengthen my ankles and go out for walks. I just hope my gout does not cause problems.
You said: "I wish you that you can prosper, have a nice apartment, and travel a lot, once this pandemic is over." Thank you so much, and I agree. I need to start giving myself positive statements and believe in them. Thing will happen; good things will happen!
@WelcomeToChat
HI, I had an overall better day today than I have been having. I had a lot of propblems in one of the chat rooms when we were discussing I believe triggersa and coping skills for that. I had to leave and dissociated with a couple of alters coming out. Sometimes, when they come out like that, we all go to sleep, and later, how ever long that may be and I never know how long it is, I wake up and I am back to myself, Amy. That happened again today, just thinking about all the phyiscal and sexual abouse that I have undergone over years in my life. It is too much to bear, thus why I have my alters.
@Amelia2324
Hi !
I am glad that you have improved your wellbeing these days.
As you say, there is always the risk in chatrooms that someone, with the best of intentions, may say something triggering to you.
I am sorry that this episode activated that chain of events that ended up with you suffering from traumatic memories.
I hope that you can manage these situations by applying the grounding techniques you know, so to regain your balance and well-being as soon as possible.
Thank you very much for participating in this check-in !
All the best,
Marcelo
@WelcomeToChat
Hiya, great check in topic!
How are you feeling today ?
Ima feeling ok thanks! have some back pain.
- What experiences did you have of going beyond your Comfort Zone ?
Going places, like the store ect, I have to see traffic,hear them going by. Can be very triggery for me.
- What new things you would like to explore beyond your Comfort Zone ?
I want to travel the world, but jus going to the store is bad enough!
Hang tough stay pawsome ur friend 🔥
@Fireskye13
Hi Skye !
Thank you for coming to this check-in !
I am glad you are feeling well these days. I hope the back pain goes away asap.
Congratulations on your determination to confront situations that are so uncomfortable and might be even triggering to you !
It takes courage to do that !
As you expose yourself to those situations in a controlled, progressive way, it might "desensitize" you little by little, so they become less triggering with time.
And let you travel the whole world someday!
Keep in touch !
All the best,
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Thx so much it can be very triggery, thx so much for the encouragement!💖
Hang tough stay pawsome ur friend 🔥
