Traumatic Experiences Community Check-In 17 June 2020
Traumatic Experiences Community Check-In June 17, 2020
Good morning to you all and I thank you for taking the time to participate in this thread. The topic for our Check-In today is breaking away from a victim mentality. This topic was suggested on Monday so I have decided to use it for todays topic. It is quite normal for individuals with a victim mentality to think the world is against them. It too is often thought that there is no sense of control over their own lives. This causes the individual to live in an emotional state of sadness, feeling sorry for themselves. Those individuals may even come to blame others for their unhappiness. This could be directed at parents, former partners, siblings, or friends. Those individuals will take little to no action in regards to changing these thought patterns, despite having the inner desire to make these changes in order to live happily and peacefully. The question is how does that individual break free from this victim mentality?
1. Learn to Validate Oneself.
It may feel good to seek attention and validation from others as they show they care and are concerned for the individual, however such benefits can often be short lived. Those individuals may get tired of validating someone who is not pursuing positive action for themselves. This is why it is beneficial to us all to strive towards being our own support system. This can be done by using positive affirmations or positive statements about oneself. This is a major step towards truly loving oneself.
2. Learn to Take Responsibility Over Ones Own Life.
Realizing one's own power and abilities in order to take back control of their life is a huge progressive step towards success. It only harms oneself to credit or blame others or circumstances for one's own unhappiness. An individual may not be able to change traumatic events which have happened, however they can change how they think about it. Then they can seek to form a different experience for themselves. Not taking action may be a safe bet because the individual is not going to fail, but positive change ultimately requires some level of risk being taken.
3. Learn to Forgive.
One must be capable of forgiving those who have wronged them in the past and those they tend to blame for their own unhappiness. This is required as a precursor for taking responsibility for ones own emotional and mental wellbeing. The only way to truly heal and empower oneself to help maintain a healthy state of well being is through forgiveness.
4. Learn to Show Gratitude To Oneself.
Looking around oneself and within listing all the things they are grateful for is a wonderful way to practice gratitude. Doing this everyday will help shift ones thought patterns in a more positive direction of focus. Showing gratitude does wonders in helping to boost ones self-esteem, their self-worth and their overall well being.
5. Give yourself a break.
It can often be difficult to change any behavior and there will inevitably be bad days involved when attempting to do so. There is nothing wrong with that. It is best not to be so hard on oneself. Engage in activities that nurture the soul, whether it be through meditation, reading a book, taking a bath, watching a movie, going for a swim, or even taking a walk through the woods. Trying not to judge, berate, or pity oneself is essential as these tendencies do nothing to break away from the victim mentality. Taking it easy, moving towards a more positive and empowered state of mind is a more suitable course of action.
It is so easy to blame others for ones own state of being and once an individual begins doing so it can be ever difficult to break free from this cycle. Using the steps listed above we can all avoid staying stuck in the rut of possessing a victim mentality. I look forward to seeing how we all grow from our histories of abuse into the best versions of ourselves. It is often a long journey and one that never ends as long as we are breathing. I try to focus on today and not the end result as the fun is in getting there not being there in my personal opinion. I find happiness in the journey. It will vary for all of us.
Before ending this post I will ask these three questions:
1. How are you feeling today?
2. In what ways have you validated yourself?
3. What activities do you choose when giving yourself a break?
I do hope you all have a better today than yesterday in hopes of a much brighter tomorrow my friends!!!!!
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@Understandingempath I have started and deleted this post more times then I care to count. I apologize if it come across harshly.
1. Many times we do not seek attention. Attention has a tendency to make us uncomfortable. We look for the validation from others at times because we simply do not understand or know if what we're feeling is okay. Sometimes we need to just hear the words that someone else has felt the same way. Many of us have no or very few positive affirmations to give themselves, so yes, we do look to others. In hopes that maybe they can show us the good that they see inside of us.
2. Yes, we take responsibility for our lives but I think deep down there is always a finger to be pointed in the direction of the one who have caused us harm. Because we wouldn't be where we are or be who we are if it weren't for the people who caused the damage in the first place. I suppose I am at a loss as to how I can change what was gone through into a different experience.
3. No, forgiveness is not required. It isn't something that can be forced. You shouldn't say the words if you don't mean them. It only traps you. If you can't forgive what someone did to you, it doesn't make you a bad person. There is too much shaming going on when it comes to forgiveness. For some us to say we forgive, is insulting. It's as though we're saying it was ok, what they did was ok and it isn't. Maybe, if more perpetrators were held accountable then , perhaps. But for many of us, they still walk free, enjoying a normal life that some of us will quite possible never know.
4. It's hard to show gratitude to yourself when you feel there is nothing to be grateful for. Self worth is in the basement. And for every good thing we may see, there are 3 or 4 things we see bad. And of course because of the poor self esteem, we focus only on the bad.
5. Self care, yes, now this we can and should do more of. A walk in the woods, listening to the birds and the other sounds around us is also a wonderful way to ground yourself. Sometimes it's good to get away from where we usually are and out of the house. Fresh air to clean out the mental cobwebs.
Again, I mean no disrespect to you and these are merely my thoughts on this subject today.
@mytwistedsoul
No disrespect is taken from your post my friend. I'm actually very glad you made it. I understand how you feel about forgiveness. These steps may never be reached depending on the level of trauma experienced and that is ok as long as it is ok with the individual. Forgiveness was the hardest step for me to overcome. The information in this post comes from multiple mental health sources and I find it to be accurate and as such user it in the checkin. Positive affirmations helped me but there are some that it has the reverse effect upon. It has to be believed by the individual to be a positive affirmation. I am glad you focus on self care because ultimately that's my number one key to finding happiness in my day to day life. I am here to listen if you ever choose to message me. I will respond. I do hope you have a wonderful day.
