Traumatic Experiences Community Check-In 6 July 2020
Good morning everyone!!! The topic for todays check-in will be positivity. It can often be especially difficult for survivors of trauma to see anything positive in their lives. This is especially true for those who experienced recurring trauma over a prolonged period of time. For these individuals, much of their life has been filled with the negative that they simply cannot imagine positive times lying before them. The question is how does a person who has suffered from trauma rebuild that positivity in their life? Below are several ways in which one can do just that.
We are not defined by our past- It is common for a survivor of trauma to remain haunted by the event(s) for a very long time. This is entirely understandable given the nature of what victims of trauma have witnessed and experienced. Always remember that ones past does not define who they are. The brain is very keen when it comes to replaying events which leave a strong impact on our lives. Be Present and do whatever is needed to keep our minds focused on the present.
Forgiveness- This is understandably difficult, especially for individuals who have experienced acts of violence. Just remember that we dont have to forgive someone because they deserve it, rather because we deserve it. Forgiveness can liberate us from the resentment and anger occupying our hearts and minds, allowing us to replace it with something far better. Again, forgiving others is not about them; its about us. Holding onto anger and resentment damages us far more than it does who committed the act. Release and let go of this negativity, my friends.
We must take time for self care and self love- We should always be good to ourselves. Taking good care of our body and mind are important factors in our overall well being. Doing things which cater to our physical and mental health are essential. Some examples are exercise, meditation, and eating healthily.
Find ways to replace negative thought patterns with new and healing beliefs- Meditation may assist in dealing with trauma. A method called negative thought replacement is designed to lessen the amount of depressive and negative thoughts. It is quite normal not to believe new, introductory thoughts at first. Making a habit of introducing new thought patterns does work if the individual keeps at it. The practice is relatively simple – whatever negative thought comes to mind, think, or say the exact opposite. Positive words and thoughts breed positive words and thoughts. It may take some patience and work, but replacing the negative thoughts will have a profound impact in the long-run.
Take small steps to facilitate great changes- When dealing with trauma, healing will not happen quickly. We must remember to be patient and gentle with ourselves while allowing the process to unfold. It is important not to be harsh with ourselves because we have experienced enough of that.
Learn to trust again- Traumatic events can often make it extremely difficult to trust life itself. This is certainly true if a person has suffered harm at the hands of another. This makes it more difficult to trust people as a whole. But we must move past this barrier. We must have faith and trust in people and in life. Think about the repercussions of living a life in which no trust is given. One where we are resentful, angry, and discouraged. To be more positive we should trust in people, ourselves and life itself. Think of it as a way to reframe our minds.
Keep a positive and close circle- Being surrounded by positive people is important for everyone, but especially those who have experienced traumatic events. As survivors of trauma, we owe it to ourselves to make a commitment to be around people who will encourage our healing process and not judge us. Refuse to be surrounded by those who will make our transition more difficult. Negative people breed negative people. When people of a negative disposition present themselves, walk away, or ignore them. There are plenty of good, positive people that will assist and encourage our healing process.
I feel if we use any of these methods of breeding positivity we will succeed in living more positive and healthy lives. It is true that all of us differ in regards to what we have experienced and for some these methods may not seem possible to attain. However, it does not hurt us to give credence to the possibility that we can be positive individuals. Recovery takes time and that amount of time varies for each of us. There is no rush on the healing process and we should take all the time we need to complete it. I will end this check in by asking the following questions.
1. How are you feeling today?
2. What positive things are happening in your life currently?
3. What topic would you like for me to discuss in a future check-in?
As always, I hope you all have a greater today than yesterday, in hopes for a better and brighter tomorrow my friends!!!
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@Understandingempath
My friend, I postively (see what I did there ; p) enjoyed today's check in topic. You have a way with words, i thought this was a great read. Learning to trust again, that bit hit close to home for me. As challenging as it can be, its worth the effort. I feel like the difference was like going from giving my heavy trauma a piggy back ride - to now being able to walk beside my anxiety. I can't say that I have learned to fully trust in life, but I'm comfortable with the level of trust that I have regained. Well, thank you for another wonderful check in. I hope you're well.
1. How are you feeling today? I'm feeling emotionally exhausted, but it's temporary and I know it'll pass.
2. What positive things are happening in your life currently? I've been getting closer to my Mom recenttly. With the stay at home order still in effect, we text a lot more than we used to, it's been nice.
3. What topic would you like for me to discuss in a future check-in? Is there any information on the benefits of using dark humour to cope with trauma? Personally for me it's helped take the edge of the anxiety of talking about my trauma.
Well, thank you for another wonderful check in. I look forward to the next one. I hope you're well my friend.
LL
@LindseyLobotomy
I am doing well my friend, thank you for asking. I too walk side by side with my anxiety these days. Trust is hard to regain once it is lost. Sadly once enough people shatter our trust it becomes ever less likely that we will open ourselves to trust anyone or anything else again. This is something which takes a lot of time and the right individuals who are willing to prove themselves to us. They do exist but finding them requires us to open ourselves ever so slightly to that risk. I'm sorry to hear how emotionally exhausted you are and hopefully that will pass. I am glad you're reconnecting with you mother. Family can be really important during this time. I find myself talking to my own a lot more than I am normally accustomed to as of late. As for using dark humor to cope with trauma, well I do that all the time. I'm working on it as I have come to feel that can often become a negative coping skill, but sometimes I just can't help it. I like this suggestion and I will do a future check-in about the subject in the coming days. I am glad you enjoyed this check-in and thank you so much for participating in it. I do hope you have a wonderful day!!!
1. How are you feeling today?
I'm feeling kind of anxious because my therapist is coming back from holidays and I'm expecting his answer and it's making me feel this mixture of excitement and worry :)
2. What positive things are happening in your life currently?
I had an amazing weekend. I finally brought myself to get a massage and it helped me heal further and connect with my inner 17 year old traumatized self, which feels truly important. I have created amazing relationships with people who are not part of my trauma and I value them so much - I am truly grateful because it balances out the fact that I don't really have a safe family anymore.
3. What topic would you like for me to discuss in a future check-in?
My favorite would be compassion. And shame. Maybe also something about coping with flashbacks that come in very weird situations..
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This is not a question, but I liked the idea that positivity is complicated. I am completely part of these people who are haunted by memories (my trauma lasted for about 7 years so I have way too many memories) and I had days of depression thinking this is too heavy to bear and I can't live like this but (and it's a learning process) I am doing my very best to not make it my life. To not turn my life and myself into trauma trauma trauma. Do other things, learn other things, focus on other things. I struggled with this last week because my abuser was in town and I spent the entire weekend feeling traumatized and I was reducing myself to my trauma and it makes me heavily depressed.... But I bounced back and now I'm much better. Because I am a lot more than my trauma and that for me is part of positivity :)
@HenrietteK
Its understandable to show both excitement and worry when awaiting important answers to your questions. I do hope their answers are the ones you seek. Massages do help relieve the tension. You just mentioning it makes me want one. Some of my greatest friends and closest allies in this life are not members of my family but I do consider them family. I too am greatful for each and every one of them. I will definitely do a post on coping with flashbacks as this is something which affects a lot of people. I will do a post on compassion and shame as well but I believe I will do coping with flashbacks before the other two subjects. I'm sorry to hear that you had to re-live that abuse by knowing the one responsible was so close to where you were. You have done well to stay positive despite all of this and I hope this positive streak continues for you. Thank you so much for participating in this check-in and I hope you have a wonderful day my friend!
@Understandingempath
1. How are you feeling today?
Okay. Better than yesterday, but still pretty bad.
2. What positive things are happening in your life currently?
I watched Hamilton and face-timed my friends!
3. What topic would you like for me to discuss in a future check-in?
I don't know, anything you want!
@Feathersfall
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling bad today. Glad it is better than yesterday but still that is unfortunate that you are still feeling down. It's good you were able to face time your friends and have some social interaction in that way. If you ever wish to chat 1:1 my PMs are open though it may take me a while to respond depending on what life has me doing that particular day. Thank you for participating in this check-in and I hope your day improves.
@Understandingempath
1. How are you feeling today? Currently, I am feeling lonely and unsure on how to make friends. The only people I ever see outside of a few family members are my coworkers. I get along well with all of them, but nothing develops beyond the workplace. I am not really sure where to meet people and dealing with my depression these past couple of years has lead me to withdraw from others. I almost feel like I don't know how to make friends anymore.
2. What positive things are happening in your life currently? I am starting develop a spiritual practice. It has been a part of my life that I have pushed aside the past 6 years, but am starting to open up again to this part of my life. It does given me some positivity and hope that things can get better.
3. What topic would you like for me to discuss in a future check-in? I am new here, so I'm not sure.
As for the rest of the post, the point that hit closest to home was forgiveness. It has been really hard for me. For a long time, I thought I had forgiven my abusers, but I have come to realize that I still hold on to anger and pain. I haven't figured out how to let go and move forward. I want to forgive, but a part of me just can't let go.
@zeravat119
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely. With the pandemic going on I must say it probably is not the greatest time to go out and meet new people due to social distancy guidelines and all. Once it ends however it would be a wonderful time to do such things. One never knows how to make new friends until they do. I've met many who I consider friends on this site alone, despite the fact we will likely never meet in person unless its by miraculous random chance. Still they are among the only friends I can currently socialize with in this time. All I can say is to never lose hope that one day when this is over you will be able to go out an make new friends. It is good to use whatever resources available to find that positive resolve. Spirituality is a major influence in my own resolve and things can almost certainly get better my friend. It took me over twenty years to forgive my own abuser and it may take alot longer or alot less time depending on the person. I do hope you learn to forgive as well but again it takes as much time as it takes. Thank you so much for participating in this check-in and I do hope you feel a little less lonely going forward. My PM's are always open if you ever wish to chat 1:1. It may take a while to respond depending on the what life has in store for me, but I always respond.