Traumatic Experiences Community Check-In 8 June 2020

Traumatic Experiences Community Check-in June 8 2020

Hello everyone and thank you for participating in this thread today. The topic for this check in will be sense of self since one of you made the wonderful recommendation to cover it. Trauma inevitably impacts one's relationship with oneself, challenging and changing how an individual thinks about their self.

It is common, before a traumatic life experience, to believe in ones ability to make good decisions, control your environment, and keep themselves safe. Trauma shatters these beliefs and leads to new ones, namely being unable to count on ones own judgment. If an individual once judged a situation, person, or behavior to be safe, and it proved to be traumatic, it is easy to believe that their actions cannot change or influence things, that they cannot control their fate, and that forces beyond their power dictate their safety.

These new beliefs can feel more accurate and convincing than the ones an individual held prior to experiencing trauma, and thereby lead to a reduced sense of agency and safety—and a natural consequence of that is more frequent and intense feelings of vulnerability and fearfulness.

Increasing ones sense of responsibility and control is a common way to try and manage or at least reduce this increased sense of vulnerability and fearfulness. The individual might find theirself claiming responsibility for the traumatic occurrence, ignoring the fact that no traumatic event is caused by the person who experiences it. Or they may try and control all aspects of their life: scheduling every minute of the day, micromanaging the lives of those around them, or establishing impossible standards of perfection.

Even though these efforts at increasing ones sense of control are entirely understandable, they do not lead to the desired outcome and often cause the individual to try and control more elements of their life. Not only does a control agenda not deliver the safety and security the individual is trying to achieve, but such an approach exacts a high psychological cost. Excessive activities exhaust the human body, mind, and spirit and excessive expectations lead to harsh criticisms and even self-hatred.

The damage that trauma exacts upon an individuals self-esteem also feeds into the harshness and self-hatred that frequently arises following a traumatic life event. It is common to believe that if they had been smarter, faster, fought harder, yelled louder, or simply been a better person, then the trauma would not have occurred. These inaccurate beliefs, though understandable, cause damage by creating a falsely logical conclusion that since the trauma did happen, they must have deserved or caused it—and if they did, then all the shame and self-hatred the individual feels is warranted.

These beliefs grate away the individuals self-esteem and stoke harsh opinions of themselves to the point where the ensuing self-loathing can become unbearable and paralyzing, leading that person to want to hide, disappear, perpetually apologize for their existence, or desperately prove that they are worthy.

That individual deserves and needs to work on challenging these beliefs in order to reclaim the fact that they can make good decisions, that they in fact do have some control over the vagaries of life, and that they are able to impact their safety in the world. One way of doing this is to stay connected with the friends and loved ones in their life who are emotionally healthy so that they can hear and give credence to their thoughts regarding the individuals abilities and capabilities. Finally, one must not forget to reach out to a professional and harness her or his training, compassion, and expertise to help heal and grow through these trauma-induced beliefs. I will ask these three questions of you today:

1. How are you feeling today?

2. What steps have you taken or plan to take in regards to maintaining a positive sense of self?

3. What positive or uplifting influences do you currently have in your life? If none then message me and I will do my best to lift your spirits.

The path to healing takes time and effort and we have discussed mindfulness, trust, and stigma over the course of the last few weeks with these check-ins. I want you all to know that you are not to blame for the trauma you have experienced, and that together anything is possible. Even if that trauma is self inflicted, there are always outside influences which play a factor in the situation. It is important to practice positive coping strategies as well to ensure one does not dwell on the negative aspects of experienced trauma. This is a very sensitive topic and as such I will make Wednesday's topic empowerment because I feel that is what we all truly need especially in this time. I do hope all of you have a better today than yesterday in hopes of a brighter tomorrow my friends.

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