Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In: February 22nd, 2020
Good Morning To Our Trauma Community!
Hello everyone! I hope you are having a fantastic day so far. Please feel free to answer the following:
1. What emotions are you feeling today?
2. Is there anything worrying you or upsetting you?
3. What makes you feel like you need to be alone?
4. Think about the people you love most in your life- What do you do for them?
Stay Beautiful My Friends!
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@PeppermintStar0912
1. What emotions are you feeling today?
Lots of difficult ones... sadness, shame, guilt. There is a sense of emptiness too. It is definitely not a good day.
2. Is there anything worrying you or upsetting you?
Yes, a lot actually. I am scared of myself.
3. What makes you feel like you need to be alone?
When I am overwhelmed, I need time on my own to process my emotions before they get out of control. And I am very introvert, I need time alone to recharge my batteries whenever I spend time with people (even my children).
4. Think about the people you love most in your life- What do you do for them?
My children - I do all I can for them.
@admaiorasemper Hi there my beautiful friend! I'm so sorry to hear about how Friday was for you. You were feeling some pretty intense, heavy emotions and I sure hope you are feeling better now. I feel empty sometimes too and I can't stand that feeling! I actually know that feeling too- To feel scared of yourself. It's not a good place to be in. When I feel like that, I have to really up my self-care. I also need to be alone when I am overwhelmed. That's pretty incredible that you're an introvert too- We do need time on our own to rest and recover because we take in all the emotions around us and that's exhausting! I love that you do all you can for your children! You are a beautiful person my friend. Thank you for sharing this with me and checking in. Have a beautiful night!
1. What emotions are you feeling today?
Anxiety. Omnipresent anxiety. But I was happy to cook carnival treats with my aunt. Unhappy for seeing my father this morning and because he asked me how I felt and I couldn't keep my mouth shut, felt compelled to answer, I don't want to share these things with him, I don't think he deserves it, plus now I risk that he will start doing historical revival with me, and I want him OUT of my way, I'm trying to have some peace and relax, something where he won't outsmart me and make me feel stupid, frightened or anxious all the time. Somewhere where all the others won't spend all darn time praising him while I remember all the hurt he and his wife caused me and try to cope with my trauma in silence because I don't want to make a fuss.
2. Is there anything worrying you or upsetting you?
Yes. That above and the fact that I should be doing the laundry. Scary washing machines, I couldn't even today.
3. What makes you feel like you need to be alone?
Anxiety. I cope better on my own when it's very high, because I perceive people as demanding and a source of troubles, not as possible help
4. Think about the people you love most in your life- What do you do for them?
I try to hear them and be gentle to them and be there when they have a problem. I like to help them keep motivated with what they like or want to do and acknowledge their successes. Recently I worked all night for a graduation gift card for my best friend, I think she liked it.
@GhostlyLilian
Hi Lilian, I just wanted to say that you sound like a very caring and kind person. I am sure your friend liked your card a lot and feels grateful to have you as a friend. I hope you will find a way to cope with your anxiety, I also hope your father will respect your boundaries
@admaiorasemper
Awwww 
thanks. I really appreciate that you stopped by to write that. I too hope my father will respect boundaries. The hardest thing will be to ask him to do so.
@GhostlyLilian you are very welcome
@GhostlyLilian Hi there my friend. I'm so sorry for how you were feeling. It doesn't seem like your father is the best support person for you- It seems he's caused you a lot of pain so I can see why you weren't happy to see him. I hope that you do get to rest and relax away from him. I am glad that you had fun making treats though! That honestly sounds like a blast to me! Laundry is so HARD to get done! I can't stand it and I hate having to put it away! It seems like such a burden sometimes doesn't it?! I also cope better alone- away from everyone. I agree with you that people can be demanding and a source of trouble. I really like what you do for the people you love and you did a wonderful thing for your best friend. Thank you for sharing this with me and checking in. Have a beautiful night.
@PeppermintStar0912
Sadness. A very deep feeling of sadness. Some shame as well.
Worrying about someone's reaction. If there will be one and if so, how bad it will be.
Myself and my own thoughts. Anxiety also keeps us to ourselves and depression. More used to being alone then sharing with others. Fear of people doesn't help either.
@mytwistedsoul
Can I sit with you, J? I am sad too. Perhaps two sadness can make some happiness?
@admaiorasemper Of course you can. Thank you.
@mytwistedsoul Hi there my friend. I'm really sorry for how you were feeling. A deep feeling of sadness and shame are really intense emotions to feel. I feel them at times as well and it gets exhausting so I sure hope you feel better soon. I can understand why you would worry about what someone's reaction might be. It's scary not to know if it'll be good or really bad. I also have to be alone- I don't like to be around people when I'm trying to cope. A fear of people would not help in trying to talk to others so that's really unfortunate that you have to go though that as well. Thank you for sharing this with me and checking in. Have a beautiful night.
1. What emotions are you feeling today?
I feel a mix of emotions: fear, joy, anger, sadness
2. Is there anything worrying you or upsetting you?
A lot of school assignments are piling up. I'm starting to get that "I'm not able to do this, other students deserve to be here more, I'm just faking my way through this" feeling. Also reluctant to do an assignment because I'm worried about the judgement from others - some are talented even though it's their first time working with this equipment. I'm... very untalented and it's my first time too. Makes it worse that I'm a senior and I'm supposed to have a better skills overall than I really do. My professor humiliated me last semester for not doing enough, and I got him again for this class so I'm just afraid he will humiliate me again. So I sent him an email telling him I pretty much don't want to show my work in class and if that means I get a really low grade, so be it. Wouldn't be the first time anxiety screwed over my grades.
3. What makes you feel like you need to be alone?
Everything haha. I'm introverted and a loner by nature. So long as I'm not lonely, I'm content with being alone all day. But typically if I've spent too much time around others, am having a depressive episode, anxiety or panic attack, colors seem too bright/noises too loud, migraine, etc. then I need to be alone.
4. Think about the people you love most in your life- What do you do for them?
Hm... truthfully I don't love anyone. Like, sure. Love, no, I refuse. I've been told by a few people now that I'm too intense so what I do for people is try to condense my long messages into a few sentences and be mindful of my word choice, tone, facial expressions if in person, etc. Typically the best thing I do for them is decide on my own to stop interacting with them for months at a time. Not a slight against myself. It's just better for me and others to not interact to avoid what comes with percieved rejection on my part: my rumination, me starting a fight which will end the friendship, and then self destruction... common cycle for me. Basically... it wards off my dramatic, negative inner child brain 
@Lexloveslife Hi there my friend. I feel a mix of emotions like the ones you were feeling very often! They are quite exhausting emotions to deal with. I'm sorry to hear about all your school assignments that are piling up. That must've been horrible for you when your professor humiliated you like that in your class- I think that's awful that he did that to you. I'm sure that caused some trauma. I hope that you can catch up with everything soon. I am also an introvert! I need to be alone and I go inside myself to heal and cope as well. I know all about colors seeming brighter and noises seeming louder. That happens to me often when I am going through a panic attack! I think it's okay for introverts to need to be alone! I like that you are mindful of your word choice and you condense your messages. If that works for you than that is really great. Thank you for sharing this with me and checking in. Have a beautiful night!
@PeppermintStar0912
1. What emotions are you feeling today?
I'm feeling nervous about graduating in 3 months, I'm feeling excited because I just found out my mom is pregnant with my brother, and I'm feeling overwhelmed because I have so much to do before I go to college in August.
2. Is there anything worrying you or upsetting you?
It's a long story... so story time! Pretty much, two years ago I was babysitting a girl. Then her brother, Alex, got back home, we started talking, and I found out he's one of the best basketball players in the state. I was like, "Oh yeah? Prove it!" And he said "Come to my game next week and see." So I went. It so happened that 6 of his teammates were out with the flu and one was out with an injury. They were about to play for a regional championship with 4 players.....against 12. Alex, who was a senior team captain, gets all the way up into the stands and says, "Caden, please help us out. Be the 5th person, we're desperate!" At that point, I barely even knew the rules because I lived in foster care for 13 years and didn't get a chance to do athletics even though I really wanted to. So I say "You don't want me out there, I'm not that good." But I ended up doing it. After that, I knew I had to keep playing. I just knew I wouldn't be able to walk away. So I signed up for an intramurals league and pretty much got thrown into a deep end of the pool. Nobody taught me the right way to play. I just had to figure it out. And now I'm stuck with a whole bunch of bad habits. I know I want to continue playing in college and after that, but at 17 I'm so far behind. I know I can do it, but I'm worried I wouldn't be able to. Sorry for the long paragraph, I felt like I had to give the back story for it to make sense!
3. What makes you feel like you need to be alone?
When I'm really angry. Usually I have great patience but if I'm already angry and someone gets in the way, I tend to get in their face and then regret it later. So when I'm really mad, I try to be alone so I don't unintentionally say something I don't mean or hit someone who didn't deserve it.
4. Think about the people you love most in your life- What do you do for them?
My guardians who gave me a chance to have a normal life even though I wasn't wanted as a baby. They gave me a family and a home and I'll do anything for them anytime. Also my girlfriend who always finds a way to make me smile and reminds me I'm good enough when I feel like I'm not.
@CadenThePointGuard Hi there my friend. You were feeling a lot of emotions the other day! I feel many emotions daily too! Congratulations on your new baby brother! I can understand why you feel overwhelmed about leaving for college, with many things still do do, and I hope you can get everything taken care of before August. So you feel in love with basketball right?! It sounds to me that you really love it and it's something you want to improve on and if you want it enough, I think you can make it happen with patience and hard work! I also need to be alone when I get angry- You are absolutely right because I don't want to say anything that I'm going to regret later- So it's best to gather our thoughts alone and calm down first! How wonderful that your gaurdians gave you a second change at having a normal life. That makes me really happy to hear that! I'm glad that you would do anything for them. Thank you for sharing this with me and checking in. Have a beautiful night!