Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In: February 8th, 2020
Good Morning To Our Trauma Community!
Hello everyone! I hope you are having a wonderful day so far. Please feel free to answer the following:
1. What emotions are you feeling today?
2. Is there anything that you are upset or angry about?
3. What is one thing you'd like to change about yourself?
4. What's the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?
Stay Beautiful!
@helloLion6943! @95969 @warmheartedFarm7120 @philosophicalcurrent260 @Iman @PsychoTheraPlay @annoyinglysecretiveWolf @laurazfs1984 @independentSea6289 @FearNotIAmWithYouAlways @goodTurtle3652 @cyanPlatypus6370 @aiko123 @enthusiasticGrapes5062 @humorousOrange1702 @zohaa726 @MelissaLanai @crimsontalker6672 @lavenderpeach1107 @RheaBum @baylinAnderson123 @notmyselftoday @AveryLove @Daishy @SparklingSnowflake15 @WrathOfANarcSurvivor @Lonelyexpat @Asake @ASearchingSoul @AM2Wondering @softmansofthands @Walterbirdri @Energeticdime @Christina @humorousBunny2602 @adventurousbranch3786 @MusicToMyHeart @ConvivialCake614 @Breakingthewall @MotherlessMother @B1ueSunset @Mashmello @Cherrylove30 @Sandi @Embarrassed27 @LocusLillie @Cookiebutter @wontwakewontsleep @Mangosteenlover @HappyMother @plumApricot8108 @Steadyhands07 @mytwistedsoul @jaceab123 @Lunargelt @LightsOnForever @Purplebutterfly67 @HopeNChayil @Norn @sazzysnail @ItsReganingRain @Fallenwarrior1996 @tidyDime1168 @jkwon @Bayoli @Marguritep7982 @Sunnyprayers @nonethewiser @convivialBike7388 @yellowStrings2432 @SpencerAnn @dynamicwinter60 @limegreenTown8201 @purpleButterfly24 @Wilde1 @Krispykitty12 @Nobadmojo @cranberrypineapples @NkkMckenze @Zeraphim @MrStressball @Quietone8717 @NevaehRose @Ayle @Jackie @childrenofbugs @WoodViolet @sympatheticPrune2000 @CatCrazy0430 @friendlyLake5949 @ReallyRuth @rmickelpclr @Ayla @incompl @practicalIdeal2007 @Ambrosia @CaringBrit @redmark @InvaderStitch @loyalDrum2337 @FloweringBunny @affectionateNorth4018 @ArianaMay @NancySV1 @humorousBeing8966 @dynamicHemlock1736 @No715 @brokenflutterby @FangsInsanity @Compassion21 @blinkk @stella17 @Shayc1 @Redhawk6547 @MoreThanAConqueror18 @emotionalMaple9419 @Calmlake1999 @orchard9786 @Bumblebee16 @silverIceCream21 @TheHoneyDoll @Christine1980 @Hoxenos @Lilibuth12 @resourcefulPond1641 @Zombii @singercrystalspirit @sensitiveShade5337 @Rebekahwriter13 @energeticPenny8 @AMusicalSilence @HearingYourHeart @melliotm @Jenna0903 @Morfo66 @KLM3278 @Avaray
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@PeppermintStar0912 hi!
1. What emotions are you feeling today?
i guess i feel calm and a bit lazy. its not like i am sad or anything but i just feel like today is a day to spend in bed xD
2. Is there anything that you are upset or angry about?
well, i do feel a bit upset because my father lost his job last week and his whole world is falling apart because of that now. this hasnt happened before and my mother hasnt slept the past days and everyone here at home is just really scared of what will come now. i just am so sorry for my father because he was great at his job,he was so good and so well paid but they do not have any money anymore and can therefore not pay my father...
3. What is one thing you'd like to change about yourself?
great question!! actually, at the moment i am really at a great version of myself. though one thing i could change would be to try to be calmer in stressful situations.
4. What's the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?
mhmm thats a good question. i guess people dont know much what is all inside of me. i am a person with really intense emotions and i have been through a lot but never show it, so i guess people tend to not see how strong i actually am and underestimate me.
@dynamicHemlock1736 Hi there! I love hearing that you were feeling calm and lazy! I sure do enjoy those days that are best spent in bed. Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that your father lost his job. That has to be so tough for the whole family and I can understand why you feel scared. I hope your family can find a solution to this quickly. That is so great that you are a really great version of yourself right now! Being calmer in stressful situations would be great. That is definitely something I need to work on! People don't know much about me either (they think I have it all together!) so I think I know what you are talking about. Thank you for checking in with me and have a beautiful night.
@dynamicHemlock1736
Hi Dynamic,
Calm and lazy sound great (: I am sorry to hear what a hard time this is for your family. Sounds like you are able to be a buoyant presence in the midst of it. You are indeed strong despite what you've been through!
1. What emotions are you feeling today?
Scared. Scared, scared, scared. Anxious. A bit fed up with being scared for no reason. And a little tired.
2. Is there anything that you are upset or angry about?
The usual. I'm upset because I'm scared that I won't be smart enough to decide for the best course of action when anything happens and that there will be consequences. Even in this very moment. Probably I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm scared to move. I feel a weight on my chest and my muscles are tense, my ears are ringing.
3. What is one thing you'd like to change about yourself?
My anxiety levels. I'll win this eventually, but right now I just would like to take all the excess anxiety off and see if it's really the cause why I find hard to do every little simplest thing, like tidying my room, cooking, eating, leaving the house, doing the things I like... And obviously both working and studying. Because it affects my self esteem a lot. What if it's not anxiety and I'm just like this?
4. What's the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?
I've been told a lot that I'm weak or that I like being depressed. Too bad I haven't been depressed in years and I'm so happy about it. As far as being weak is concerned... I don't know. I'm not sure what to think. Not everyone thinks I'm weak, many have told me that they don't know how I'm still alive after everything I went through, but I think that's exaggerated. I'm the first one that doesn't feel strong. I really don't know what would be appropriate to believe.
@GhostlyLilian Hi there my friend. I'm really sorry that you were feeling so scared. I can understand why you would feel a bit fed up with not having a reason for being so scared. I remember feeling like this a while back and it was really hard to deal with so I hope you feel better soon. I like your attitude towards your anxiety levels. You will win this it will just take time and patience. That is unfortunate that you've been told that you're weak and you like being depressed and I'm sorry you had to hear that. Neither of those are true! Thank you for sharing this with me and checking in. Have a beautiful night!
@PeppermintStar0912
Awwww thanks for answering, and for validating how hard it actually is to deal with this everyday. And yes, I think I'll win this because I've overcome stuff I though that I would never get rid of in a thousand years, instead... Sometimes it's fight or die, and I didn't die when I was way worse, so I won't die for this, but I'm not going to live like this either. Usually I don't like motivational sentences, because they tend to make me feel worse. There's one though:
A river cuts through rock not because of its strength, but because of its persistence.
This reminds me that even if I didn't accomplish much so far on the "rock" I have ahead of me, it doesn't mean I never will. Things need their time to happen, I just need to stay committed, and looking back I can see the rocks I cut already, and there are many.
@GhostlyLilian Oh you are so very welcome and thank you so much for sharing that motivational sentence with me! It gave me chills when I read it, no joke! You truly have inspired me right now with your positive outlook and resilience to keep moving forward! I hope you are doing well today and have a beautiful night!
@GhostlyLilian
Hi Lilan,
It sounds like today held a lot of troubling uncertainty. Were you able to move past it?
It can feel hopeless and helpless worriying about the future yet not being able to do anything about it for the moment. What does the future mean for you? Freedom? Security.
I really felt I could relate to what you were writing -- I too get in a state over being unsure if I am going to be able to handle the future and possibly missing opportunities to ensure a good future. Feel free to get in touch if you want to talk more about it.
<3
@artfulbalance
Hi, thanks for answering. Well, I didn't get past it, because it's my everyday mood. I haven't been very specific, but my fear is not about missing a good future. I'm not even thinking about my future, there's no room for that. All the space is occupied by attempting by every mean to foresee the possible negative effects that anything that I do, don't do or happens around me can have on OTHERS, and try to prevent that.
The fear is very coherent with my past, because from a very young age I've been convinced by many adults that even if I tried to do anything not to cause any harm, I "ruined people" or ruined their reputation, made them feel ashamed, that people I cared for were getting mental health issues because of me, that they were about to kill themselves or die because of me, I got blamed for things I had nothing to do with or that never even happened, I was given responsibility for the life of adults that couldn't take care of themselves, and I was even convinced I couldn't do what they told me because I wasn't smart enough to foresee things. This messed up with my head pretty badly. And I can't get rid of that sensation that something bad is about to happen to someone because I'm not in the right place, I'm not doing the right thing, I missed on something. I don't know what, I don't know who, but I never know and I'm never safe, I'm never right
Alone. At hotel. I hope I do the right thing.
@95969
What are you doing alone in a hotel hoping to do the right thing? What right thing? Is it where you live at the moment?
@GhostlyLilian
Doing better. I have my hubby 39 yr old drug addict son and gf living at the house. They refuse to leave. As in refuse to leave. I do not feel safe or trust there. My adult boys 26, 27 coming to get me in a hour. A refugee again.
@95969
I'm so sorry to hear that! How many awful changes in such a short time! I think it might be the best choice if you don't feel safe in that house anymore. I'm just sorry it's you having to leave again. It's not fair, it shouldn't be. It's such a hard situation to be in. Addiction is really awful. What it can do to a person and to a family is terrible. Anything you think is best is ok. You're doing the best with what you know and what you have. It's ok. You are loved and cared for, you have people who will help you in your time of need. You might feel lost, but you probably have more resources and more control than you think. After all that happened, now this, and you had the strength and the spirit to say "you know what? I'm not going to stay in this situation anymore!" and to put boundaries for your safety. You're a bad-ass, for sure. Best of luck from now on and lots of support
@GhostlyLilian
I don't feel like a bad ass at all. I do not want to traumatize the boys anymore than need be. They are 5 hours away. I told them I was better. He ( bf)called me today. I left a copy of the eviction notice on the door. The notified one had to be sent certified mail.He was talking in language I was unfamiliar with. He said because I told them for weeks to get out ( when we all agreed )that I was being controlling. He was talking to me like his heroin addict son. I asked .... Is this your opinion or your son's? He lied to me again. He has never ever spoken like that. Scared. Alone. No trust. No safety. Having bad thoughts.
@95969 Hi there friend. I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time. Thank you for reaching out to us. It's exhausting and frustrating to have to deal with issues like the one you are dealing with and I hope you find a solution to it quickly with the least amount of drama as possible. I hope you are doing better today
@PeppermintStar0912
Thanks. Feeling better. Back in my hometown with 2 out of 3 of my kids. I had to just .....remove myself, be with those I trust and love. It is only the 2nd time I have seen Paradise since Nov 8th if 2018. I don't recognize anything but I surprised myself. I am sad but it will never be the town I knew. I feel some resolve tonight. Proud I am coming to terms with it. I can't sell my land due to the lawsuit . But I am ok. Apparently everyone is out of the house in my new place. So hurt and angry that I somehow allowed that to f me up. I need to have my own back. I need to set rules and boundaries. I wish that people would just realize, sometimes we are just too weak to have your own back. Hope that makes sense.
@95969 Hi there! I'm glad to hear that you are better today. It really helps to be with those that we love and trust when we are going through really tough issues. I hope you are safe and have a beautiful night.
