Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In: Friday 8th May And Saturday 9th
Hey Trauma Community,
Hey all hope you are well today
Today's topic Setting Boundaries with Support Systems
So last week we spoke about Support Systems this week were going to cover the setting of boundaries when we find ourselves a support system etc.
Why Set Boundaries with Support Systems?
We set boundaries because they are our guidance on what we are willing to accept not accept, they keep us safe from harm and when it comes to Support Systems having these laid out with each person sets aside a mutual respect a boundary that should not be crossed. we also set them as these show others how they should be around us and how we would react if these are crossed.
When to Set Boundaries?
The best time to set boundaries would be upon first selecting someone to be your Support System theirs no rush to name them as a support if say still new in the relationship. Trust takes time too, to avoid possible harm be careful, stay alert, and look out and notice any red flags that could occur too. will cover this in next weeks check in with me.
Also, its good to keep up with boundary setting things could change your likes dislikes so definitely worth noting if something that used to be ok suddenly at some point doesn't sit well with you definitely say so to your support network.
what are your rights in a relationship when it comes to boundaries?
To feel safe in a relationship
To have your privacy and boundaries you have created, respected
To be heard and listened to
To feel validated
To be appreciated and valued
To respect that the answer no means no
To have your needs met
To be treated respectfully- absence of emotional, physical, or verbal abuse
If new to boundaries altogether here's a few tips I'm going to share with you on how to build and preserve health boundaries
1. Name your limits. 2. Tune into your feelings. 3. Be direct. 4. Give yourself permission. 5. Practice self-awareness. 6. Consider your past and present. 7. Make self-care a priority. 8. Seek support. 9. Be assertive. 10. Start small.
Checkin Questions
1. why do you think boundaries are important when it comes to support systems?
2. what are your boundaries that you have with your support systems? list a few of them if comfortable too
3. out of this whole topic the last week's Support Systems and this one what have you learned? what is your takeaway from this? find it helpful?
the topic is optional I will be doing somewhat a series around this so hope you enjoy this checkin but of course not mandatory to join in with it a regular check-in is fine how are you feeling any good/bad you wish to share and or I can give hugs and sit with you if that's what you prefer.
Taglist
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resources used as follows if want to read them in full : https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/ and https://www.drtracyhutchinson.com/what-are-personal-boundaries-and-why-are-they-important/
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@CaringBrit
Hey CaringBrit,
Thank you so much for taking the time to put together this subject as a part of trauma check-ins. Im into it. To answer your check- in questions:
I think boundaries are important when it comes to support systems because boundaries help to clarify the goal of the support system. Aswell as define the terms and conditions that all parties should abide by.
A boundary I have with my support system is if I mention that I had a private conversation with someone that they not inquire the details of that private conversation out of respect for the person I had the private convo with. boundaries that you have with your support systems? list a few of them if comfortable too
Something Ive learned and really taken away from the whole support systems topic was, though it may have been things that i may be practicing already, and though it may come as common sense to some, to actually have it put into terms that are very black and white- that helps because sometimes its nice to be reminded.
Thank you thank you.
@LindseyLobotomy
hey There Lindsey , your very welcome glad to hear your liking the topics
yes exactly lovely answer on what boundaries are and why there important
love that boundary
glad to hear its helped to be remind
your welcome
@CaringBrit
Hey Brit <3 I love the topic of boundaries so thank you for posting this.
Checkin Questions
1. why do you think boundaries are important when it comes to support systems?
I think support systems often can become too dependent. As a person who is a 1-person-support-system for many different people in my life, I've had to learn how to make sure that people can grow without me and learn to "live" without depending on me for support. Boundaries come to play in letting others know when they are depending on me too much and also boundaries are important to realize where I stand on how much I can support someone and such.
2. what are your boundaries that you have with your support systems? list a few of them if comfortable too
As much as I love talking about the importance of boundaries, I'm really not great at setting them or enforcing them. That boundary I try to place above ^ is one that I'm better at enforcing because I know it has the ability to hurt others. Others often gets knocked over, unfortunately. I try my best but I just have sort of an inner obligation to help out everyone I can.
3. out of this whole topic the last week's Support Systems and this one what have you learned? what is your takeaway from this? find it helpful?
I think just taking the time to write this, in general, has taught me a lot about boundaries and also brought to my attention how I need to work on them more. I definitely find it helpful and cannot thank you enough, brit. <3
@TheAtticusFinch
your welcome and thanks
indeed great reply love the answe and i agree they definetly help when a person becomes overly dependent we can use boundaries for this
aww i understand what you mean like any skill it takes alot ofpractice to get good ag it persistance too
aww your welcome im really glad this topic has helped :)