Traumatic Experiences Community Daily CheckIn - Monday 19th June 2017
Good afternoon guys 
I hope your day is a good one for you. The weather here remains very hot and have shortly returned from the beach after taking the dog out. I enjoyed strolling along in the sunshine and enjoying a sense of peacefulness and calmness. I hope you are all able to have a sense of peace today for yourselves. What is one way in which you can find some calmness for yourselves today?
My quote for you today is:
Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim--letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.
― C.R. Strahan
It can be easy to feel a victim when you have suffered a traumatic experience, and to carry the burden of guilt, shame, blame and responsibility which lies often with those who have caused your trauma. So my questions for today to you all are, in what ways do you feel you are regaining some control over your lives after having suffered traumatic experiences, and in what ways do you feel you are beginning to turn being a victim into being a Survivor? For those of you who do not identify with the term Survivor, what other word would you use to sum up having survived the experiences you have?
This space is yours to share whats happening in your world, in you day, whether good, bad or inbetween. Its a safe and supportive space to share whats on your mind, share any achievements, positive things happening for you, any troubles you may feel today. Healing from Trauma is hard work, so be gentle with yourselves and show some kindness to you!!!
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I am ok today just really sleepy. I have to have lunch soon 
then therapy I just hope I do not fall asleep again. I thought this was interesting quote.
"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it
does enlarge the future. "
-Until time machines are invented
@AmalieAnne Thanks for the great quote Amalie. Am glad your doing okay today and I hope you have a relaxed lunch in preparation for your therapy. Hows that been going for you? Falling asleep in therapy??
@dancingRainbow45 It was not really relaxed but kind of given being fussy. Therapy is going ok I think, not sure how to compare it but my therapist kind of understand what I am trying to say most of the time which helps. She also gives good cuddles at the end so after we have done in my garden I feel I think safe is the right word so I tend to fall asleep. I do not think she minds though but I had lots of sleep so hopefully I will not. Just therapy makes me tired not sure why though.
@dancingRainbow45 I love the quotes!
@TheAsh Thanks Ash. Im a fan of inspirational or motivational quotes and sometimes just a few simple words can say wonders
No Tuesday check in? Ah well. I'd ninja one up myself, but I'm feeling thoroughly demotivated and...blah.
Went for a decent walk in the sunshine today. Had an impromptu dinner with friends last night. Agoraphobia still has me firmly ensnared, but I've managed to escape its grip a few times of late (when I can muster the nerve, or, more accurately, set aside the ephemeral fear of leaving my sanctuary).
On that note, I'm trying hard not to think about rescheduling Wednesday appointments that have already been previously rescheduled (or to even think about Wednesday, period -- it's still Tuesday for almost 8 more hours in my time zone, blast it!). Pizza for supper tonight methinks (because comfort food, and feeling in need of comfort).
@melliotm
Yes you're right... no Tueday check in and i apologise to alll...didn't get this one right.However agree as its so late now we continue here and make it a "long Monday" as the new post for Wednesday is now up.
@rozie All good, rozie -- no harm, no foul, etc. It felt like another Monday today anyway. 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
Not a good day. On autopilot. Didn't sleep last night then set alarm so I could sleep for 2 hrs before the appointment. Overslept, missed appointment.
Wishing I had some anxiety medication and feeling thoroughly uneasy about my involvement on 7 cups. Nothing I can't deal with just anxiety causing. Today is one of those days when I feel less than capable of managing my life or where it goes from here.
Feel like I need some help but it's got to come from me so I'd better think of something.
Also wondering if 7 cups is exacerbating my anxiety? The alternative is to be alone but I guess that is what people do.
I basically hate myself.
Everything sucks. And I forgot my therapist was going away next week so this may have been the last time I get to see her 😔
@BeeLeigh
Oh so sorry that you're facing into this..hope you can talk some of it out in the session... hugs.
@rozie
My next appt isn't until July 6, but I may lose my insurance before then and idk what to do cuz honestly I don't even know if I can make it that long. I'm falling apart fast. I seem to either be stuck crying or just irritated and angry at everything. I can't afford to see her financially without insurance, and I can't afford to lose her mentally cuz I'll self destruct.
@BeeLeigh
So during this last session did the two of you discuss the insurance issues?
@themainjane
Yeah. But the only option is to try the financial assistance through the office, so if I lose my insurance before my next appt we'll work on it but there's no guarantee I'll qualify so I could just completely lose her and idk what to do if that happens because I really need her 😢😔
@BeeLeigh
First things first, sweet Bee.
It's okay to feel the fear. I know it's been stressing you beyond and all kinds of other fun things. But hold on, it's not over yet. If one way doesn't work out, another will. Just try to hang with in the meantime.
So she (your counselor) did say there was an alternative if you lose insurance?
What does your counselor say about losing her?
@themainjane
There's a potential alternative to insurance. I can't afford the cash price, but there is financial assistance if you're low income enough. But I make too much to qualify for any federal aid and I don't make enough to afford any insurance on my own. I'm stuck in the middle as the working poor. I can't afford it. It would nearly double my bills each month to pay out of pocket 😔
@BeeLeigh
Not sure what else to say. I hope that things work out the way you want. <3
Had a training last week, my second IPS training. I did one last year as well, for the counseling job I have. Day one covered connection, day two covered worldview and that's when it started. We were talking about how our experiences shape how we see the world, and how that relates to our mentality--incuding our mental health. How these experiences could shape how our brains experience life: and hence we end up with people who have hallucinations, anxieties, depressions, e.t.c. It made me reflect on my own life and connect my experiences to my mistrust, my past disconnects from reality. The third day was Trauma and I can't really remember it. I can't remember it because the next day I struggled with a panic attack in the morning, dissociated, woke up in a park after 8 hours, and was really distanced for the next three days. I couldn't complete the training this time (luckily I'm already certified), and I felt horrible that I missed that opportunity to continue the team building exercises.
Trauma sucks. Because everyone reacts differently. And sometimes when you haven't dealt with things in your past, they can resurface when you least expect it.
@Alishia Hi Alishia welcome to the trauma community and thanks for sharing your post with us here. Trauma even when someone thinks they are done with it, sorted it, can resurface often because we have things that still need to be dealt with. Sometimes the mind only gives us what it thinks we can cope with at a given moment. Its sounds interesting the training you went on, covering different issues but perhaps the trauma training, raised things for you which led to you not remembering, feeling dissociated etc?