Traumatic Experiences Community Daily CheckIn - Sunday 18th June 2017
Good Afternoon folks 
It is scorching hot here in the UK, a bit too much for me, and for the poor animals, but its doing wonders for my garden and all the fruit growing How is the day where you are? What plans do you have for today?
I have a great quote for you......"Without goals, you will end up going nowhere, or, you will end up following someone else's map! Develop your map today - set your goals and focus!" Catherine Pulsifer.
Have you ever found yourself following someone elses map and what did you do to change that for yourself? What is on your map. what goals, big or small to you set for yourself?
This space is yours to share whats happening in your world, in you day, whether good, bad or inbetween. Its a safe and supportive space to share whats on your mind, share any achievements, positive things happening for you, any troubles you may feel today. Healing from Trauma is hard work, so be gentle with yourselves and show some kindness to you!!!
To add/remove your name from the daily checkin tag list, please click here
@Avaray @vriska44 @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @sujaypai
@sweetMelody95 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @themainjane @raycascotch
@KatieMoon1 @conscientiousPineapple1782 @Tamba @inventiveOrange1 @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana
@AutumnLeigh @DeborahUK @PuppyLove13 @KristenHR @BradyChay2310 @HearingYourHeart @vriska @TreesandWine
@guyb @chayil @Sharkradio @MKjart @AnnaKateMillerLCSW @Tamba @Celestialvoid @WaterLily16 @TheAsh @MKJart @Asiam1971 @philosophicalship9444 @Chayil @rumplesteeleskin @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Lilyflower0817 @caterpillargirl @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Ivorycat5573 @fearlessPear8268
@themainjane @SemicolonSurvivor @weare1 @weareall1
@dancingRainbow45 oh my gosh I love this post... I will answer in more detail shortly 😊
@dancingRainbow45. I love the quote you posted. And it is so true! Often on the weekends I make a doable "To Do" List so hopefully by Sunday evening I will at least have at least five Ta Da's from my managable list. But yesterday I didn't make a list. I had a TON of things that needed to be worked on and followed through with to completion, didn't have any list or concrete plan or "map". So yesterday I just sorta wandered aimlessly through my house and through my day with all these "you need to's," "you ought to's" and "you should have's" swirling around in my head. And little got done. I'm going to make a list today with the top five things I want and need to accomplish. It is also blazing hot in my corner of the U.S.A., so outside of take my 3 dogs for a trot to the park, I'm doing indoor To Do's today. I have three very big goals I am working to accomplish this summer. They are: 1. Use my $2000 grant to move out of my substandard house and move into a healthier home in a safer neighborhood. 2. Get a car through a program that assists disabled working individuals with low-interest loans to attain an affordable vehicle that has been donated to theor organization. 3. Work on my own, and with a counselor at our local Vocational Rehabilitation office to find a job that is a better fit with my education, skills, experience, abilities, and personal strengths. As far as how today has been going, it hasn't started off so great. I didn't sleep well last night, but I still got up early to go to church. And, I did get myself fixed up to go, but then I didn't go afterall because we are suppose to get bad storms today, and I was concerned that I'd end up biking home in pouring rain. So now I'm feeling a mix of guilt and relief because I dread all things social/with a lot of people, and I don't particularly like the church I attend). I'm hoping when I move, and/or get a car, I can have more freedom in choosing to a church I like better.
@caterpillargirl I love your post. And hey its okay some days to not to the list or follow through on things, perhaps having a day off from doing that is what you need, but I love the idea of having a top five list to try and achieve before the day is out. Very often I have lots of to do's floating around in my mind but dont very often list them so perhaps you have taught me to do something which may prove useful for me Some days you just need to give yourself a break and think, well during the week, I did all this, and even though there is more to do, today is my day off LOL
It sounds like you have some really good goals, particularly living somewhere healthier and gaining independence by having a car. I know you mentioned not really being that social but perhaps walking the dogs you could introduce saying hello to someone, perhaps someone you have seen out with their dogs before and building on steps like this.
I know you get some tough days but your post sounds like your really striving to have some direction in your life, something to aim for, and you have the motivation to try and achieve that despite all you deal with day in and day out. Well done you!!!! WoooHoooo!!!!
@caterpillargirl
Get it, girl - you rock!!
You remind me to take organized, methodical steps to get serious about the quality of my life. And then actually DO it.
@themainjane its a good prompt to get organised for sure isnt it jane
@dancingRainbow45
Yes, it is.
@themainjane
Thanks for your kind words, Jane. My life has always been a tangled mishmash of problems, but three years ago it only took ONE event (anUNnecessary INvoluntary hospitalization at a horrific state psy hospital, and FOUR months for me to lose everything I had (job, career, home, and everything I owned in it, dogs x2, and my car), and it has taken me THREE (very long!) years, with no support system (and no family, or a single friend) to claw and crawl my way from the face-down-on-the-ground posture ➡ to ground zero where a good day (3 yrs after my life collapsed) still consists of getting up, getting dressed, taking my meds, doing minimal personal cares, and eating enough to stay healthy. I work part-time, but I struggle to make it a positive, successful experience. I tend to start trying to put the chipped, slivered pieces of my life back together, but then I get frustrated when I encounter road blocks and set backs. And, when my frustration and aggitation goes beyond my angry point-of-no -return, 😨 I end up thowing all the little pieces of my life up in the air, making a BIG mess, and have to start from scratch again assembling, and semi-stablizing my life. And unfortunately that cycle/pattern continues to repeat itself. I think the key is to go beyond just "thinking" about what you need to do to move yourself and your life to a better place, get busy DOING the things that will move you forward. And, as you said it is so wise to break the task or goal down into manable smaller steps. Another thing that is vital to the life of your goal (lets say moving, or finding a better job), is this: once you start the "doing" stick with it all the way past the finish line. I struggle with finishing things I start working on. I'm sorta like the plate spinner guy in the circus who frantically runs back and forth to keep them all spinning, and prevent them from falling to the ground. Then when a few of the plates inadvertently do fall (in my life)...and break, and I think I can't possibly keep all the others going, I throw my hand up in the air, & tell myself, "To hell with these plates," and I walk away as they all fall and break into smithereens. I know that habit is self-defeating, and I've been working hard to change this habit by choosing to spin only a few plates at a time, so to speak. Ideally I'd prefer to just deal with one little plate, but I always seem to have to juggle multiple crisis, or problems at one time...without any respite. Jane, try your best to prioritize things you want to change/improve about yourself, & your life. I'm not so great at this, but with my three "summer goals: 1. find/move into a new house/better neighborhood, 2. Attain a loan for a used car, and 3. Land a better job. It makes the most sense to put getting a car at the top of my priorities, because the busline dictates SO much of my life, and it will open up my options to many more rental homes and places to work by about 95 percent. The other two goals I just have to search and hope to find as job & rental openings become available. Jane what are three (fairly realistic) things (aims/goals), big or small that you wish could be different in your life right now? Think on that and share when you have time. Know I am so glad you are out there (some where) as a friend, and fellow warrior for me. It means a ton to me to have you read what I post, and understand what a struggle life is...hour by hour, a day at a time. 💚
@caterpillargirl
My goals are realistic and small at the moment.
1) continue going outside and accomplishing small tasks that are asked of me or that I ask myself.
2) continue working on tasks inside that will benefit myself and those around me.
3) work on a better sleep schedule. From my earliest memories I have not slept well at night. I know that being on my phone before sleep does not make for a good start still I'm hesitant to give it up. Would like to stop waking so many times in the night.
1 and 2 is just the sticking with it and making small strides. 3 will take a little more doing - persistent, lifelong problem.
I know that I work better on any of these tasks when things are calm.
@caterpillargirl
I have been hospitalized both involuntarily once for a short period and voluntarily (although I'm not proud of it, it's part of my experience.) The involuntary stay was scary. It truly seemed like a scene from "One Flew Over"
I came out of that situation basically friendless, living in a bad neighborhood alone and without much family support. So I sort of understand. Sort of. The depression was not lifted when I left there. The only thing I knew is that an avenue of possible help had closed, that it wasn't really help at all.
on another note, it warmed my heart to think of your troupe tromping around the corner to visit with your neighbors on the porch. Thank you for sharing that. :)
@dancingRainbow45
I wrote on paper happy free satisfied and achive my goals... Mum saed sometimes we may wrote down to motivate ourselfs like... My metabolism is messed up...don't think ppl get me how much... Anoyed by parents and not sure what supose to do and do I realy want to go to collage. Anoyed bcs overthink so much before making desizions ... I can't talk about my trauma and not sure who to open up... idk just always at least a bit confused and try to believe in myself but at same time wonder am I up to this... can act all strong but at same time I'm weak.
@conscientiousPineapple1782 Hey there pineapple. I think what you said about acting all strong but not always feeling that way is something many people here may be able to relate to. Its like wearing a social mask around others to show yeah Im okay when inside you may be feeling very differently. Writing down goals as you mentioned can motivate us sometimes to put those words into action. You said you feel people dont get you, what makes you feel this way? And you mentioned about college, is this something that you could start looking into? You are a strong person to be where you are today
Goals for today:
a load of laundry
finish loading dishwasher, run dishwasher. (I don't have OCD but I'm OCD about my dishes. Must be done a particular way.)
make a nice meal for spouse who I actually convinced to take a self-care day!
go see my Father and wish him happy Father's Day. . . I didn't even buy a card. Not looking forward to looking for one now. But I did think of a sincere gift for him.
Try not to be overcome by thoughts of what a bad daughter I am. It may be true but dwelling on it won't help me to do the things I need to do to become the good daughter I'd like to be.
Sorry if triggering for anyone. This is my truth. Learning we must all live with things.
Maybe I did that wrong. :/
I don't mean to trigger anyone about family issues. I know how it messed me up the other day (which is okay now and I think I learned something.)
please accept my apology if I hurt you. Not what I wanted to do. I'm so tired of apologizing, of second-guessing, of feeling like I mess things up.
Seems I never know what is right. But am trying. Learning is definitely not easy. Didn't know there'd be so many mistakes.
@themainjane Jane your fine honestly. In life there are triggers for people and as much as we may wish to try and avoid every trigger, its not always possible, triggers surround us every day and we cannot possibly know what triggers another person. The fact you have even acknowledged that just by mentioning something, could trigger someone, shows you care by the fact you started to apologise. It shows your sensitive to the needs of other people and that you care about others. Thats such an awesome trait to have. We all make mistakes in life, even me, and I can make many believe me, but the key if you do make a mistake and you havent done either!! is to learn from them as your post said.
@themainjane
Hey Jane.. you're doing okay. Yes its learning and this isn't always easy,, but you'r e trying. We all have ups and downs, make mistakes along the way. I really hear your sensitivity and awareness of others.
Hope the laundry gets done and the dishwasher sorted. And the meal and father's day goes well. :)
@rozie
Thank you. :)
@themainjane You have achieved so really good goals there jane, and I like the idea of you encouraging your partner to take a self care day. What did his day consist of self care wise? You made me laugh when you said about how you like the dishes to be done a certain way. It reminded me of a friend who when people make her a cup of tea, she has a set way this must be done and if it isnt, she wont drink it LOL Fathers day sounds a tough day for you too? How did the visit go to your dads?
You are a good daughter regardless of who made have said differently and it sounds as if you have had to cope with a lot that no daughter should have to. Be the person you wish to become absolutely, try not being a person others want you to be, for would this lead to you being happy, probably not. Hope you got through the day okay
@dancingRainbow45
Self care day for him is sleeping, watching mindless tv, eating a good meal, not answering the phone and beer. (At least it's not whiskey).
@themainjane
and thanks, about halfway there with goals. Yeah, I wash my dishes by hand and then rewash them a certain way in the dishwasher. 🙄
anyway, low on the priority list. A quirk I can live with for now.
Feeling good today, looking forward to getting the week started tomorrow!
@dancingRainbow45 What is on your map. what goals, big or small to you set for yourself?
My map is pretty rudimentary and limited in scope and scale at the moment. Recovery is like walking a marathon with baby steps (and all of the stumbles that come from learning how to stand up on your own two feet all over again). It takes time and patience -- sometimes a successful journey is a mere trip from your bedroom to the kitchen to cook supper.
My goals are to listen to my body, to trust in and be kind to myself while I do what I need to do to make it through each moment, one day (or hour, or minute) at a time. Today, I achieved my primary goal: despite recent struggles with agoraphobia, I made it out to Daddy Day brunch with my dear little daughter. Both of us were delighted (and her handmade gifts for me were darling as one would expect, coming from a 2.5 yr old :)).
@melliotm Recovery as you said is all about taking baby steps, and can feel like a marathon but each of those steps in themselves are achievements and goals towards a bigger goal, so they shouldnt be put down or seen as insignificant, they are massive!!! Being patient and kind to yourself can be tough and is not the easier of things to be when it comes to being a survivor of trauma and wanting things to be better, now or overnight. But yes its a great focus and a great realistic goal to set for yourself, so well done you!!!
Am glad your day out with your daughter was lots of fun for you!! Sometimes its those times that we can appreciate the most and people should as you never know what may lie around the corner for any of us and sometimes in life, there are lots of things to appreciate but can often get lost amongst bigger things
I was just diagnosed with PTSD so it's very new figuring out how to deal with it and all new medication. Hopefully I'll figure out and get better eventually
@moonchild95 Hi MoonChild, welcome. How do you feel about having been given a diagnosis of PTSD? Im sure if you ask enough questions and ask anything you need to, the professionals working with you, would be happy to answer any questions you may have. I hope things settle for you and your able to manage the medication and any potential side effects. We have a great forum on PTSD/CPTSD if ever you want to take a look at it. Please feel free to reach out to any of us here if you need