Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In Sunday December 3rd 2017
By popular request, it's time once again for my personal favourite Buddhist story...
A Truck Load of Dung (By Monk Ajahn Brahm)
You awaken on a Sunday morning feeling refreshed from a pleasant sleep. You peek out the window, the Sun is shining birds and song fill the aire. You smile as you get dressed, thinking about the gathering with your closest friends later in the day. In needing to bring something to the gathering as a snacky offering, you decide to head to the shop and get some needed ingrediants. Grabbing your keys you head for the door. As you open the door your senses are assaulted by the most repulsive and hideous of foul odors. A stench if you will. you look outside to try and make sense of this and you see it. There in your driveway is a giant pile of dung. Somehow, sometime in the night someone had droped off a truck load of dung in your driveway. You rub your eyes in disbelief, but your other senses won't let you deny this. You step outside and realize that this pile is blocking your garage and you can't get your car out. Feeling anger and confussion you start knocking on some doors, asking your neighbours if anyone saw whom had done this wretched act. No one saw anything, no buisness card was left, and no one saw any truck to get a name off of. There is no one you can call and say hey, come get this dung out of here I didn't order it. You didn't order it indeed, yet here it is for you to deal with. You sulk a bit feeling you have been wronged and that your plans are ruined. You think what can be done with alle this dung? Now many people try to avoid dealing with their dung. People carry it on their backs and fill their pocketts with it quite often. We find when we carry our dung, our friends distance themselves from the stench. Random strangers can sense us comming and move far away so as to avoid us. We recognize this and decide a different path. We put on some work cloths, grab a shovel and a wheel Barrow and get to work. Shovel by shovel, Barrow by barrow we move that entire pile of dung, and we do the best that can be done with it, we work it into our garden. As we stand back feeling satisfied with our work, we realize there was alot of dung, but it was just enough to work it in everywhere. Our driveway is clean again and the stench is gone, making the neighbourhood a happy place again. You clean up and get ready for the big gathering just in time. That fall when you look out into your garden you see the strongest most beautiful and fragerant flowers. The vegetables in your garden and apples in your tree are huge, juicy, and succulant. Whats more there is so much to harvest you are able to share your flowers, fruits, and vegetables with your neighbours and friends, making people happy.
So what do you do when a truck load of dung is dumped in your driveway?
This is a safe place, and it belongs to all of you. 
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Well, I dont have a garage, so Id avoid it and go around it until it went away. Which, I am aware it wouldnt because Id need to address it to make it go away, but I also dont have a garden sooooo.....maybe my grandparents could use it on their farm? But then theres the issue of moving it over there. I vote for shoving it into the street and letting someone else deal with it!
Anyway, today was pretty awesome. I had Christmas #1 with my moms moms family (yes, Gramma, but I have 4 so I got specific :P). The food was amazing and Im still full from earlier!! I tried a Brandy Alexander today too which was soooooo good!!! Then one of my crowns came off when I was eating a brownie, so I have to go to the dentist tomorrow and get it put back on 🙃
It was still a good day though!
WAIT! NO! If I shove it in the street and let someone else deal with it...someone else would have to deal with it. The only way to make sure no one else has to deal with it is to take care of it myself. But I dont want toooooo!!! Cant the piles of dung just....no. It is literally only useful as fertilizer. Im only okay with that if I actually grow and get taller. Just like, an inch. Just a little bit. If I leave it wont it just like, disappear into the ground at some point?? I dont wanna deal with the dung! ☹️
@BeeLeigh
I am so happy that you had a wonderful day celebrating your first of many Christmas Celebrations. How about if we work on cleaning up the dung together and take it to your Grandparents farm together? We may even be able to bring some other people along to help! After all, what are friends for? Love the way you write! You have such a unique style and are constantly saying things that make me smile.
@Raveninthelabrynth
So what do you do when a truck load of dung is dumped in your driveway?
This is a safe place, and it belongs to all of you.
Here is monday :) . Weel I too much care what others think. Wonder am I such coward as I feel or just trying to be more...
@conscientiousPineapple1782
What an excellent response and absolutely true!
I have been in the emergency room since 1:15 today. I am just getting back home. Already tired and aggravated and jus t not well. I thought I would do a favor for someone by giving them more time to focus on their holiday prepping stuff and told them they could reconnect with me after the holidays. They told me they were totally able to manage there time and do what they needed to do, They sound a bit angry that I made the gesture.
Never meant it to sound like a put-down or incompetence. I got boiled up been miss understood again. I feel like I have to pick and choose words so carefully that it makes me just clam up even the more. Why reach out for help if you have to tiptoe through the tulips.
I feel so much like just throwing in the towel and saying the hell with it all. I am tired. This is an never ending story. SPIRALLING IN A NEVER ENDING CIRCLE CYCLE.
@scarletPear1945
I am sorry about your experience at the ER. What a frustrating day when you need it the least.
Sometimes it does feel like a pattern of spirals when you are healing. The thing is with each trip inward, you are learning more and more about the most difficult things at your very core. It can be painful but remember it is temporary. It sounds like you are at a critical juncture. Please take care, go slowly so you have time to process and most importantly we are right beside you for suppport.
Let us help us you are not alone anymore. This is a unique, safe space.
@Compassionatelistener108
Thanks for just being here.. I just don't know what is right or wrong any more. When you are dealing with professional counselors that seem to be sensitive to my trying to be nice and thoughtful and make me feel like I'm being some kind of nerve to say o ask them to take a break from checking on me till after the holidays.which would give me time to get better and give them time to do what they needed to do. She blew up at me.That has pissed me off again.This is our third run in. I was ready to quit.
My consep of therapy must be wrong,But I am hearing and reading wrong. I know I am the client but how am I to feel okay about taking if I can't talk freely, I can't ask them anything about how they feel or what they are doing the holidays? with our them wondering why it's important for me to know. I am just trying to get to know them as well. It's stuff like that, that makes me feel like I have got to pick and choose very carefully what I say.😮
I already get this at. Home.p
@scarletPear1945
I am so sorry. I cant imagine how it made you feel. Rainbow wrote a wonderful post on how to choose a therapist or counselor just in case you want to look at it as it may validate some of your feelings. Only you can truly assess the situation.
From personal experience, I have spoken to a therapist after I felt we were not in sync on a topic. It was a good way to establish a clear understanding for both of us. We were able to communicate more clearly and I felt as though I was heard based upon the response. It was a positive, powerful experience as it was difficult for me to express myself in that manner. I was afraid as it was so close to my childhood fears and family issues. Now, I view it as a critical step.
I do hope that you can feel safe as the therapeutic bond is so critical to healing. A clear explanation of boundaries from both sides is also very important.
I am thankful you feel safe here. Take good care of yourself. Remember, we are here for you.