Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In Tuesday 7 November 2017
WOW!!! I just realized I title my check in threads in an Official Military manner (Conditioning lol)
Today I wish to speak/ask under the concept of Critical Thinking.
My people are alle raised as "Critical Thinkers". This somehow went out the window with my own Traumatic Experiences as I was lost in the emotion of my horrors. For me to get well and "Stable" again I had to return to this line of analitical thinking. Delving deep into my trauma and asking myself the scary questions like, "Where does this line of thinking I am experiencing come from?" "Is my thinking based in fact or fear and emotion?". It can be terrifying to think that we're messed up. Alle we wish to be is "Normal", and like everyone else. We ARE "NORMAL"! Life is full of basic and harsh challanges for everyone alive! I have been told that this is part of life and our task is to work through it, learn, and be available to help the next one behind us on the same path. For many of us, facing our trauma is like being hurt and re-living this alle over again. We so think and feel. I think this too is part of the puzzle we are to figure out and push through.
We alle fear our trauma, but we as the ones whom have lived it have that attachment of fear in this regard. Logically we alle know or should come to see that our trauma is a thing of the past. It's only our memory that can hurt us now.
I do my best to march boldly through my personal Hel and Darkness to find my peace. In the end this seems to be what must be done, but can only happen when we are ready to think and feel our trauma agiain and sort it out with Critical/Analytical Thinking.
For those of us whom are ready and doing this what has been your experience in facing your woes? For those not yet at this hard but rewarding phase in our recovery, what are you doing to manage things for now?
This is a hard topic for alle. No need feel bad if you're not ready, I was there once too and for some Years.
Please share your thoughts and opinions. If you can't think like ths today thats quite ok, we work things at our own pace. Please atleast embrace a New Day!
Welcome alle please feel free to comment or just say hi. This is a safe place and it belongs to alle of you! 
oops!!! lol
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@Raveninthelabrynth can you please tell me what the purpose of having ones name tagged or added is for here? As in might I want my name added to be notified when this group is added each day? Or Is it just for listeners? Curious as Im new 😳
@purpleWest8143 The Tag list is so you can recieve notification of a new check in thread when it gets posted. It helps so you don't have to go looking for it if it's not up when you first come in.
@Raveninthelabrynth :)
@Jesse9675 Much Love, Care, and Respect Little Brother.
@Raveninthelabrynth Hi!!! yeah, Things are hard at times.... Sometimes it took years to feel enough calm to look back critically and without resentment to what actually happened. Yet, the critical thinking part of the trauma recovery can be truly life-changing.But I think, almost every one need a good therapist or counsellor in this step. Right? @dancingRainbow45
@Saif1for1Resilience Indeed Saif. Serious work is best with help of a professional. We Can Conquer and move forward when we are able and ready and can manage it.
@Saif1for1Resilience Hey Saif thanks for tagging me in this post. I think yes, to really overcome trauma and the way in which it affects our lives, including the critical thinking, the effect on relationships, self image, self esteem, to deal with issues of shame, guilt, blame etc, its a good step to get the support of an experienced professional, whether this be a counsellor, therapist or trauma therapist. Support is always important and can come in many ways through friends, places like cups, charities, helplines but recovering and working through trauma issues takes time and a lot of hard work. It is not an easy process and one in which you can feel worse before feeling better. It will hurt and there will be times you will wonder why you are even bothering but through getting the appropriate help, it can be life changing and you can get to where you need and want to be. :) We can never undo what has happened but we can learn to move on from it, find that happiness we want in our life, and learn to manage and cope more effectively where the traumatic experiences take a back seat, and living becomes the priority :)
@Saif1for1Resilience In addition when it comes to critical thinking, we very often carry the critical adult or critical parent that we may have grown up around inside of us, so a lot of the time the way in which we critically think is because of how others have reacted to us. eg If you have been raised being told you are a failure, worth nothing etc as an adult you kind of then look for and find things to prove to yourself that you are worth nothing etc You internalise the critical adult and become a critical parent to yourself. There is a therapy called transactional analysis that works a lot with the parent, adult, child interactions
Parent, Adult and Child
We each have internal models of parents, children and also adults, and we play these roles with one another in our relationships. We even do it with ourselves, in our internal conversations. There are two forms of Parent we can play. The Nurturing Parent is caring and concerned and often may appear as a mother-figure (though men can play it too). They seek to keep the Child contented, offering a safe haven and unconditional love to calm the Child's troubles. The Controlling (or Critical) Parent, on the other hand, tries to make the Child do as the parent wants them to do, perhaps transferring values or beliefs or helping the Child to understand and live in society. They may also have negative intent, using the Child as a whipping-boy or worse.
Adult
the Adult in us is the 'grown up' rational person who talks reasonably and assertively, neither trying to control nor reacting aggressively towards others. The Adult is comfortable with themself and is, for many of us, our 'ideal self'.
Child
There are three types of Child we can play.
The Natural Child is largely un-self-aware and is characterized by the non-speech noises they make (yahoo, whee, etc.). They like playing and are open and vulnerable.
The cutely-named Little Professor is the curious and exploring Child who is always trying out new stuff (often much to their Controlling Parent's annoyance). Together with the Natural Child they make up the Free Child.
The Adaptive Child reacts to the world around them, either changing themselves to fit in or rebelling against the forces they feel.
When two people communicate, each exchange is a transaction. Many of our problems come from transactions which are unsuccessful
Being a Controlling Parent invites the other person into a Child state where they may conform with your demands. There is also a risk that they will be an Adaptive 'naughty child' and rebel. They may also take opposing Parent or Adult states.
Be a Nurturing Parent or talking at the same level as the other person acts to create trust.
.
@Raveninthelabrynth thanks. This is a difficult thing to think about when your emotions take over every functioning minute.
Hubby tries to bring objectivity but doesnt understand i cant think logically about the future. Just scared of moving forward at all.
Isnt his fault im not coping. He gets angry and frustrated im not trying hard enough.
Hes also angry that i cant be open with parents as protecting them from me. He tells them im not coping but they just see the mask.
Im letting them all down but thats what ive always done. The trauma is just another excuse.
Not sure if i even make sense anymore just havent slept much and therapy sucked. Sat at work trying not to be stupid.
Hugs all.
@inventiveOrange1 (((HUGE HUGS))) Ya hon, untill we are capable of doing the hard work it can be harsh on us and those around us. Keep trying at the times you can, learn to forgive yourself for the times you can't as we alle face that too. Always here for ye hon. 
@inventiveOrange1 big hugs, Orange ⛺❤️
@Raveninthelabrynth Hi Raven!!! 
@butters45 Hey Butters, welcome to a new day
Hi @raveninthelabyrinth I am new here, I like the idea of daily check ins, thank you. I am now critically thinking about what you've brought up about critical thinking lol. I think that for me I'm in the opposite place, I repress all the emotion about my traumas and the analytical brain takes over, I tend to logic my way through things. I'm trying to get in touch with the emotions. I have been working with a T for a long time trying to get in touch, things are put away in various boxes in my head, there is some dissociation there too, and while there is a lot of critical thinking that has helped me sort things out and understand myself and what happened to me, I think I need to also be able to feel the emotions one day, as they come, and as I'm ready and strong enough. I have little brief bursts of things like 'feelings' but then I seem to have a shut off valve too.
@everythingsfinethanks Welcome to our Community. Many of us surpress our emotions when it comes to trauma, and yes eventually we need to face it but when we are ready. Sounds like your on the right path towards recovery hon. Best of skill with your work. Please feel free to reach out to the Trauma Support Team, Myself, or any of the Listeners on this site. We're all here to help.
@everythingsfinethanks
Welcome to the community. I am so happy you decided to join us. My experience here has been wonderful. Please feel free to reach out and most of all know you are not alone.
Thank you for sharing your perspective concerning the emotional and analytical experiences you have been working with during your healing process. While I cannot imagine what your traumatic experiences were like, I can share that my healing process was very similar. Initially, the feelings associated with events were very fragmented and if accessible could only be tolerated for short periods of time. I counted on my analytical nature to make sense of a world that I truly found difficult to comprehend. Fortunately, I worked with an excellent therapist who sounds much like yours. He helped me slowly integrate the feelings into my story with patience and understanding. It is very courageous of you to sit with those feelings for even a moment at a time. You are doing amazing things on your personal path to healing. Again, welcome to the family.
@Raveninthelabrynth
For those of us whom are ready and doing this what has been your experience in facing your woes? For those not yet at this hard but rewarding phase in our recovery, what are you doing to manage things for now?
Weel(why put bold letter it freaks me when right...all attention at me 
)
I realized (read somewhere) that we get used to suffering that becomes normal and all we need is to change view... I figure out how when ppl tell me what to do /like saying to go to a therapist/ may just confuse me or if feel like it even if new may help refuse to show I CAN DO IT MY WAY. (this computer rights itself big letters ;) ) I learn could at least a bit to others open than just suffering so much alone... figure out how ppl are shallow ;) just kiddin' but true how can't see further ... learn how to be braver and some of the things now I view differently. And so on and on ;)...
Take care all of ya 
You can heal and not just heal YOU CAN THRIVE and myb even HEAL COMPLETELY and if someone saes you can't may be bcs they can't!
@conscientiousPineapple1782
*they can't (wanted to line it)
@conscientiousPineapple1782
*wright (spelling)
@conscientiousPineapple1782 Huge Hugs hon, run away keyboard vs spyders for fingers lol.
Indeed, we can get used to our woes. We fear them so much sometimes we're willing to keep to in the shadows thinking it's easier and safer. We miss much of lifes wonder this way. Keep up the fight hon.
Hi Raven and everyone,
I dont know why i consider this trauma but i do... i pretty much consider the way i live my life as traumatizing. It's like i got caught in this palce of despair and overwhelm so acting out various parts andin various ways the pain i was feeling became my life.
Now i'd like to learn to live a better way. it's difficult because every little thing sets me back to wanting to be that person who just acted horribly or recoiled. just keeping myself further down and in confusion... i feel like ive approached life like a wild thing just reacting to the moment and no time to look back. but everything i ever did saw or was part of just comes along for theride.
its very hard to not want to be that person anymore.
i do want to try.
@themainjane Hey Jane it's wonderful to see you today. I know what you mean, I had many lost years myself. I was a very lost soul, and I took it out on many as well myself. Having the disire to change is the big step hon. Once our eyes are open and we see our current path, then where we wish to be, we're on our way to far greater things. I hope you keep coming and keep working your Therapy hon. You are very much worth it and deserve to find peace and happiness.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Thank you. i wish i could find someone to talk to right now bc i'm keyed up today. i want a drink..benn thinking about it..noises and things getting to me. i just wish i had someone to talk to to help me snap out of it. its pretty pathetic really
@themainjane Feel free to post me hon, I'm here for you.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Thank you, Raven
Critical /analytical thinking.. I do it a lot. It can help, it offers insight which can aid in a therapeutic environment to enable a person to utilise things learnt and develop understand of what exactly the issues are. Insight definitely increases an individual's choices in how to respond to situations. But I do feel that it is also part of my reaction to trauma and part of the reason that I am not a whole person but seperate parts. I will explain:
If as a child like me, your emotions were not validated at an early age, but your intellect was, then you present your intellect in all your relationships before your feelings, which you hide, even from yourself because they attract zero attention and recognition, or negative reactions. If you are then subject to painful experiences, you leave your emotions out of the equation and respond purely with intellect or only those emotions that you know will meet with approval, like empathy for someone else instead of displaying your own inner responses. This conditioned way of being, which develops quite unconsciously in response to a particular kind of upbringing, virtually garantees that the painful experience becomes a trauma instead of simply remaining an experience of pain. Because you have partial unconsciously avoided your emotional pain, you have not processed or felt it fully and so it tries to be felt again and again and you automatically push it back under again and again with the intellect that has solved the problem and is trying to maintain control. This normal pain becomes prolonged suffering, locked deep inside it grows into a terrifying trauma that has the strength to knock the intellect to one side at inconvient moments by providing emotional flashbacks that are utterly overwhelming. And why is this trauma so powerful? Because the emotions have never been free, so I never developed good internal or relational tools for dealing with the way I really feel. I can only trust my intellect because I used it to survive all the years and my emotions to me are dangerous. I become split apart from myself, distrustful and frightened of what is inside.
I feel that for me at least, part of the answer is to try to break out of this unconscious pattern. Sure, it helped me survive as a child, but it is not good for me. I need to give my emotions a place in my life and learn to trust the way I feel. In this senario where I try to become whole again, an over use of intellect to try to work out what the problem is and to try to search for answers, might even be dangerous. Although as I type this I realise of course I am using my intellect now and it is not like I can ever turn it off, it is even helping me realise that I need to ignore it a bit more haha. But I think what will really help to break the pattern is being mindful of it all, the thoughts, the tendencies to problem solve and avoid difficult emotional states, to feel the hate, anger, sadness, love and all of those deep deep parts of me, to give it all an equal recognition without making one subject to the others. Even my mood swings will help me know myself if I recognise them instead of running away from them.
So yeah, I do think the intellect is a tool for emotional wellness. But I think we also need to work at being whole people rather than trying to control ourselves. Since I have been meditating I have learnt something that I think I was already a little aware of all along.. Which is that you cannot control anything, not even your own thoughts or feelings, all you can do it choose how to respond. If we always do that with our intellect we will never give our emotions the recognition they are crying out for. I hurt.. everyday I hurt inside, and that is how I am and that is okay.. but nothing stays the same forever, that I know with my intellect, but that I can only trust and feel inside by paying attention to the waves of sadness and happiness that are always flowing through my being.
I am not sure if I have managed to share my ideas with the clarity that I have in my own mind about it. But I just wanted to share after reading the topic for today. I find personally that the cognitive based treatments are not appropriate for my trauma because they reinforce the controling aspect of my superego and do not give enough place to my emotions, which is exactly how my trauma response to painful experience was developed in me as a child. Treatment that works on a more relational level helps me much more. But I am grateful to have a level of intelligence that allows me to understand all this and what has happened to me. Please excuse me if any of this went off topic a bit..
@Kuma0187 Well said Hon, and Thank You for sharing with us. We are each different in our own ways and must find what works for us. It's great you have found what is working for you.
Well Friends, it has been a very long day for me and I now must take my leave.
For those soo for rest, May you alle sleep well and have Wonderful Dreams.
For those just awakening, Good morning and welcome to a New Day. May it alle fall into place well for you.
For those in your mid day, may it be going smoothe and easy for you, and if not may the rest of your day shape up for the better.
Much Love and Respect to All
Raven
