Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In: Wednesday 29th April
hello lovely community! so good to see you here today, hope you are doing well.
this week we are already starting a new month! to me, time really flies when i am home all the time....
today i would like to talk about setting intentions. lately i have been trying to set an intention in the morning about how i want my day to be, and how i want to be.
so i would like to ask you to set one intention for yourself today (such as "I am going to treat myself as a good friend would", "I will not let others affect my mood",.....). besides that, feel free to just tell us whatever is on your mind today and how you are doing.
Intention: I will be my own therapist. My actual therapist is not competent to be a therapist at this time yet still trying to be one. So I may have to drop her if we cannot fix the rift. I understand these times are unprecedented but it is no excuse for shoddy work. Therapists out there, if you aren't fit to do your job right now, please spare your clients the added suffering and just own up to it.
I have another intention: stop using s*uicide / SH as revenge. I have these thoughts of "if you want to abandon me, fine, but you'll regret it when I'm gone", "you're better off without me if I'm such a burden", stuff like that. Everything in ther moment is so painful that I do actually feel that way. Sometimes that moment is actually days or weeks of intense depression. But I don't know how to stop having it be manipulative. I'm not crying wolf - I actually do take it out on myself in some ways with varying degrees of "danger". I actually am in a lot of pain and it's not to make the person stay or prove they care. It's more like to make them feel the level of pain they've caused me. I don't like that someone's abandonment is usually what prompts me to do what I'm already thinking of doing.
If someone can please help with that or point me to some resources to overcome this type of manipulation and endless pain I would appreciate it
@Lexloveslife What helped me in my darker moments was remembering this: Other people are not in charge of my happiness. If they want to leave me, fine, but my revenge will be staying around and thriving so that they wish they could be with me-- but I won't care. I will be better and stronger and happier without them. An example of an attitude that was really pivotal for my recovery was in the show Shrill: The main character attends a strip club (she's a journalist doing a review, she's not there for the naked ladies), and she's talking to the strippers about their jobs and their lives, and how she likes that they make their own rules. She says, "I'm tired of people telling me what to do, or looking down on me because I'm fat." A stripper dances down to her and replies, "Girl, you have big t!tt!es and a fat @ss. You tell them what to do." If someone won't love you, you love yourself. If people don't appreciate you for who you are, you prove them wrong by being your very best and giving them one of the deepest cuts of all: Regret.
@betterchoices
Thank you
I've been setting intentions lately, too!! I started to keep a wake-up journal instead of immediately logging onto a device as soon as my eyes opened, haha. I write one page in a little book where I greet myself ("Good morning!") and talk about positive things that have happened to me yesterday, or positive things that I want to happen today-- i.e my intentions! I don't have to have nice handwriting, I don't have to have coherent thoughts (I did just wake up, after all) and I don't have to write more than one little page. I'm not allowed to skip a day (unless there's something really important), talk about upsetting dreams, talk and think negatively, or talk about anything longer ago than yesterday or anything further from today. It's like writing a prayer or a "spell": it's a sacred intent for goodness to come! I keep it under my pillow in my bed, so it's right there with me, ready to go! I've seen a drastic improvement on my daily attitude from this.
@AveryLove My intention today is to work hard on what I need to get done and let myself have a little bit of fun so that I don't accidentally burn out from doing too much :)